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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Lost and Found #GBE2

#3 = Lost and Found

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, perhaps in the year 15 BC (before children), my mind started to gradually slip away. It wasn't anything dramatic like space aliens ringing the doorbell and asking for brain samples, but rather a slow deterioration of sanity.

Maybe it started in middle school when the dorks teased me for wearing my sister's powder blue, handi-me-down gym uniform instead of the sexy red ones on sale at school. With the red garbs, one could  turn them around backwards and slide the zipper down low. Ms. "McFeel," the questionable PE teacher didn't seem to mind as long as we wore a PE uniform and took our showers after class. If not the uniforms, perhaps the brain drain came when I was brave stupid enough to get on stage in a flapper outfit and dance the Charleston with Steve Noonan in front of the laughing student body.

"What was everyone laughing at?" I later asked a friend.

"Your costumes," she said.

Yeah, right! I was almost naive enough to buy it. Junior High School definitely chipped a good 10% of mind out of my clueless head.

High school must have taken some more. Shortly after my sixteenth birthday, I got my driver's license and proudly drove into the car next to me in a snowy parking lot. Okay, I wasn't proud of hitting the car (multiple times when the honkers made me panic), but I was proud of the first time being alone in the car, until . . .

Being a mindless teen, I stuck a note about the size of a bobby pin on the damaged car's windshield wiper and crawled home to tell my dad. He took it well. In fact, he took it a lot better than the lady I hit. For the next year, my parents begged and pleaded me to take the car out alone, but by then about 20% of mind went missing, so no can do. I've only been in one other mild fender bender in over thirty years of driving daily, so maybe I found five percent between then and now.

College took more due to a little bit of drinking at parties. Alcohol has been scientifically proven to kill brain cells, so go ahead and remove the five percent I'd found plus 5% more and now I'm down to 75% sanity. Until my boyfriend said, "Will you marry me and live in Memphis?"

Marrying him was actually a fabulous idea, but I question my mental state when I said,"Yes to Memphis." If that ain't love, I don't know what is. Take away another 5% for moving to Memphis and becoming a teacher. A teacher? Did I say, "5%?" Better make that 5% for moving to Memphis and 25% for becoming a teacher. What am I down to now? 45%? Being able to do basic math means I have a little bit of mind left add 5%, but then I got pregnant. Three times. Three children.

Some comedian, can't remember who, once said we lose half of our minds with each child born. That would put me far into the negative category. Just because I scratched my head and hopped like a monkey to get my babies to smile does not mean I've lost my mind? I mean, doesn't everyone do that?

Since this challenge is called "Lost and Found," I must end with the story about how I got it all back. We put the baby on a bus this morning and sent her off to be a camp counselor for the summer. The middle one comes home in five days and stays for a few weeks, but come fall we will be official empty nesters. If that doesn't restore my mind, nothing will!



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27 comments:

Spedmom said...

When people ask me the most basic question--such as what ages are my children--I hear nothing. In my head, there is no brain activity. No thoughts. Just...empty....space.

Loved this! I have a glimmer of hope that perhaps I can regain some of my senses at some point in the future?

Theresa Wiza said...

Well, I'm at a total loss as to how to remedy my situation then – I had four kids, and I'm still waiting for my brain to return twelve years after the last one left home. My latest GBE 2 blog: http://helpforsingleparents.blogspot.com/2011/06/lost-and-found-teachers-who-kill-their.html

Rhonda at Laugh Quotes said...

Good news, you made a small math error. If I calculate correctly (and based on your math, I would have twice as much brain power as I have only 2 children, and New Zealand beats Memphis). Anyway, you had 50%, lost half for each child, so 25, 12, and you still have 6 until the fall :)

Tony Payne said...

I love happy sad serious stories with a funny side. You managed to fit everything in perfectly. Enjoyed my read, pleased you found yourself finally too :)

Joyce Lansky said...

Thanks to the visitors. Rhonda, I never thought of it as half of what you have left, but rather 50% each time. I like your math better. My state has received funds from the race to the top initiative. With the money comes a lot of stress. Instead of being evaluated twice in every ten years, we're all going to be evaluated four times (administrative visits) each year. That should kill any bit of brain matter I'm still holding on to.

Claudia Moser said...

Lovely post and I hope you will drop by at cnovac.blogspot.com to pick up a well deserved award!

Jenn said...

My kids are 15 years to 5 years and I have 5 children. I'm well into the negative...and quite happy that way. Being an empty nester is a day I dread at this point. Seriously, what if I don't like sanity?? LOL Great post! Cheers, Jenn.

Word Nerd said...

Too funny! Sadly, I can relate. Mine are all grown, married, and with babies of their own and I can say with certainty that while the mind may or may not come back, the pleasure watching your kids lose their own minds makes it all worth it. ;O)

Jul said...

Had to laugh with this one, lol great job hon.

pbquig said...

Oh, don't be so sure the empty nest will bring back the mind, it's a whole new experience. Mine got a shock when my daughter mother of my two grandsons, announced she was pregnant and due in November. Won't we love to stay in Virginia for a while and help out, yes, with the two boys, yes, with the baby, yes, where did our nest go?
Pam
A Pirate Looks Past Sixty

Kathy29156 said...

Kids will do that to you! I swear most of my brains went into my 5 year old son when he was born. I have been more dense and slow on the up take as the years progressed. LOL Didn't notice it quite so drastically after my daughter, but with my son...yikes!! Loved your post!!

Kathy
http://www.thetruckerswife.com/

Chickee said...

OMG! hehehee!!! You are fabulous!! I love this so much!!
~chickee

Rico Swaff said...

My only child crawled for the first time today. :) Nice post... haha, I have a little better idea of what I am in for now.

Joyce Lansky said...

Thanks to all the visitors. Rico, congrats on the crawling. NOW you're in trouble!!

IAMJOROSS said...

Lovely Post :D

Thanks for dropping by my blog Definitely ME!!

iamjoross
http://iamjoross.blogspot.com

Veronica Lee said...

Great post!

Hi! I'm a new follower of your lovely blog.
Happy Tuesday!

Sandy said...

My linky was a flop, only you and one other person signed on, and neither did a post with a link. Guess maybe it takes a while to get the word out. I'll try again next Monday if you want to swing by.

Enjoyed your post, those of us with only 1 child apparently still have a few marbles up there rolling around...then again, have I mentioned how good I am at making Martini's? lol

Langley said...

Hilarious! I'm afraid to do the math on my mind.

Sunshine said...

Ha! ha! Great write. I'm just beginning the path of being an empty nester, so maybe I will have a few brain cells returned to me. ;-)

Mojo Writin' said...

Fun read :) Don't think there's a mother on the planet who isn't convinced her children cost her multiple braincells ;)

mrsmomx6 said...

How can anyone expect me at the drop of a hat, to not only remember all 6 of my kids names, but their ages and birth dates too? PA-THETIC!

Hilarious blog, simply hilarious :)
Sharon from voiceboks.com
www.sharon-moms-madhouse.com

Diana said...

True fact: They say you lose more brain cells after 20. I don't know how much of it is true, and what was I getting at? I can't remember.

Great post.

Binky said...

You've got to sacrifice something for your kids. Might as well be your brains! They're overrated, anyway.

mom in rome said...

I am sure that your mind will go back to a perfect status!! :)

ahahaha!!

And your brain seems to work pretty well to me!

ResidentGamer said...

I'm with Langley. I'm afraid to do the math. LOL Funny post!

THE SNEE said...

Please let me know if you find things more easily with an empty nest. My brain feels quite cluttered! Funny post Joyce. I really liked it.

Vanessa said...

Great posting. Hilarious!