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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous Thoughts About Life" Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor- Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor -Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor

Saturday, March 30, 2013

#A-Z Challenge

What do you get when you cross Catch My Words with the month of April? Answer: The A-Z Challenge.




Starting Monday, 12:01 Central Standard time, I will be participating in April's A-Z Challenge. This means twenty-six days of laughs, one for each letter of the alphabet. Please stop by each day, Monday-Saturday. 

Is this funny, interesting, or cool? Check the box below and then hop back for a laugh on Monday.


Thursday, March 28, 2013

#GBE2: Very, Very Small

               

I want to be very, very small. Not like midget small, kid small, or can't reach the cookie jar small–although that might help me achieve my goal––but size two small; so small I wouldn't weigh enough to donate blood. That way,  I'd have no guilt about not giving as often as I should.

I was once small.
Furthermore, everything looks better on skinny people, except for heavy backpacks that knock feather weights to the ground. At a camp in Colorado, a counselor stuck a backpack on a small girl's back. Without an ounce of emotion, she fell over backwards. That girl was small.

Also, it would take a small girl to attract a Christian Grey. Scratch that. I DON'T want a Christian Grey; however,  mentioning his name on my blog brings lots of visitors, so CHRISTIAN GREY, CHRISTIAN GREY, CHRISTIAN GREY. Ha! You got here because you were looking for a hot, sexy guy, didn't you? Fine! Don't get ticked, he's down below. 

In answer to the old question, "Would you rather be beautiful or intelligent?" I might go for beauty, as in small and stupid. That way, I'd be too dumb to know what I'm missing. I'd flip my blonde hair into a bun and spend all day at the beach in my very, very small bikini. Which reminds me, Stephen King said, "The road to Hell is paved with adverbs."If that's the case, I'd settle for just being small, like a size six.

Ian Freaking Hot Somerhalder - You happy?


Enjoy this dance from a man who is very, very small.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Six13 - Pesach Shop (2013 Passover Jam)




Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Passover Quiz

It's almost Passover and to help celebrate, here is a quiz where you can test your knowledge about this  pain in the a$#  Jewish holiday.

1.) Which traditional food is on the seder plate
      A.)  Chinese egg rolls (like we eat on Christmas)                     
      B.)  Matzah balls
      C.)  Haroset
      D.)  Ham & cheese sandwiches                                                                                                                                  
2.)  How do Jews prepare for Passover?
     A.)  Clean ovens, refrigerators, and spray Windex on flies
     B.)  Ritual fast of the first borns (Ha, ha, he who must not be named)
     C.)  Lug Passover dishes and kitchen supplies out of the attic
     D.)  All of the above

3.)  Matzah is called the bread of affliction because
     A.)  It causes Jews intestinal discomfort after eating it all week
     B.)  Slaves did not have time to finish baking bread when they ran away
     C.)  To punish Jews for all sins committed throughout the past year
     D.)  It tastes bad

4.)  The four questions are read by
     A.) The kid who can drink a cup of wine the fastest
     B.) The first kid to grab the Haggadah
     C.) The oldest kid in the family
     D.) The youngest kid in the family




Answers: 1.) C  2.)  D  3.) B  4.)  D
If you got all four questions correct, you may be a member of the tribe. :)


                                                                                                                    

 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: Sleeping Babies

My Sleeping Babies


 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Musical Monday: Another Postcard


Here's a fun one for Musical Monday.





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice. 



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday 
of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!



Saturday, March 16, 2013

Writer's Post: Brain + Mouth = No Filter

                                                                                   

This week's writer's topic, Brain + Mouth = No Filter could have something to do with why my kids' boyfriends and girlfriends are afraid of me. Hey, I'm not awful, just blunt. Was it that bad when I told my daughter, "We no longer need to check your boyfriend's circumcision," after he did an outstanding job reading Hebrew at the Passover seder? Don't blame me; she didn't have to tell him what I said. And then they broke up. Actually, the breakup was much later than that, but I wonder if dating advice books mention mothers.     

Either way, I think our host Karen Smith at Magical Mystical Mimi was thinking more along the lines of what kids say, such as when a friend of mine taught her young daughter the correct terminology for body parts. This was fine until the girl crawled under a bathroom stall and shouted, "Mommy! I just saw that women's vagina."  

When your kid says things like that, it's better to avoid public restrooms and use your own toilet. Here's a link incase you're interested in purchasing one to avoid embarrassment in public facilities. ;)    

                                                                                                                       

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Dogs Make a Difference

This post is underwritten by our partner Dog Fence DIY, the most affordable resource for wireless dog fencing.

I feel sorry for petless people who have never experienced the joys of dog ownership. I've owned at least one pooch since age seven and cannot imagine life without a furry friend to help me with my emotional needs, physical well-being, and safety. 

As for emotional health, dogs provide us with unconditional love unlike any other. Imagine locking your spouse at home every day without a means to leave the house. Yes, you provided a water bowl, but you left the bathroom doors locked. "Just hold it until I'm back, Dear." Would your significant other jump up and down when you simply walked through the door? Well, if he or she had to go badly enough, there'd be jumping but not the glad to see you because I love you excitement. 

Or try feeding your kids the same meal out of a bag every day for breakfast and dinner. Would they be thankful just to see food? It sure would be easier than cooking, but they wouldn't appreciate it like your dog does. You eat your Thanksgiving meal complete with pumpkin pie in front of your dogs without offering them a bite, yet they still love you. My human family members would never be forgiving or loving like my dogs in these situations.

No one needs to dress up, wear expensive scents, shave, or even shower; dog love no matter what. And in a world like this, we need all the unconditional love we can get. With a dog, you'll never be alone, even when you use the toilet or shower. When I walk through the house, my dogs parade behind me as if I'm the most important person in the world. To them, I am.

Dogs provide great entertainment too. Dress them up in stupid costumes on Halloween and they won't complain. They make fabulous subjects for kids' school projects too. What would my kids have done about science fair if they didn't have animals to experiment on? FYI, a dog's hair grows faster than a kid's after being shaved; dogs prefer rain water to Evian; and golden retrievers do not forget where treats are hidden hours later. Also, tail hairs make great fox fur on Social Studies posters.

Dogs also improve our health. Studies have shown petting dogs lowers blood pressure and decreases anxiety. My dog has been wonderful for my back. I have a history of back problems including a surgery on my lowest disc. My small dog sleeps with her back to mine. This provides a convenient heating pad that improves my back aches in the morning. No kidding! Plus, a walk at the dog park helps my back too. How could I ever go to the dog park without a dog? Not to mention the exercise I get from my golden retriever asking me to let her outside, bring her back in, let her out again, etc. I'm up and down plenty.

On another note, dogs protect us from fierce squirrels, cats, and mailmen attacks. We often hear our vicious alarm system in stereo, but it beats calling the police after a break in.

Dogs are the best friends anyone could have, so you want to protect them from being struck by cars. Check out my sponsor to learn more about invisible fences. http://www.dogfencediy.com.


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Silly Sunday: Terrorist Plot Revealed

On my way to the mailbox, I found a note in my yard and KNOW I've uncovered a secret terrorist plot. The plan will be orchestrated by three men code named "Hot Dogs, Beer, and Yazoo." These chicken-hearted thugs are planning an offensive against farms in Avocado Heights, California. To prepare for the assault, they've worked their buns off earning bread. They've also found secret contacts in bars. Pease take heed to this dangerous message before we roast in hot soup. 

Upon further inspection, I discovered that these bad guys lure dogs into the mission through treats such as pies made with pot. Before you water down the seriousness of my find, be aware of their use of a dangerous chemical code named "Diet Coke." They've tried to smooth over the hard results of this mission by sending the Arabic greeting of peace, "Salaam." Furthermore, the Swiss have funded their attack through the sale of candy. I need to contact the FBI to inform them of how I chipped away this cheesy plan all from a note in my yard. 

So here's the note. Do you think I'm on to something?




Thursday, March 7, 2013

Writer's Post: Mister Hats

If you're up at three a.m., you might catch a TV ad from the best hat shop in Memphis, Mister Hats. With its wide selection of quality products, it's easy to find what you want. The owner has even made sales from people who reach his store by dialing the wrong number. That is after a thirty minute chat!

However, what happens at Mister Hats typically stays at Mister Hats, so here's a rare peek into the hat business.

A customer asked, "What do you have here that’s on sale?"

"Everything is for sale!" Mr. Hats said. And it is. I bet he'd even sell his dictionary since he said, "This book's got a lot of words but no plot." 

On another occasion, a gentleman with a southern drawl asked for a hat with a confederate flag on it. He needed one because a police officer had taken his last one.

I wonder if losing his hat had any similarities to the customer who apologized for not being in for awhile due to having been incarcerated. He repeated his jail comment multiple times and then got excited when he saw cologne. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm not going to steal it."

  Check out Mister Hats!



 
113 S Highland St, Memphis, TN 38111
(901) 452-2099

Monday, March 4, 2013

Wordless Wednesday: School Pictures

I've torn my house apart trying to find that one preschool picture that best fits my humor blog, but it is lost. Judy was proud of her new pair of underwear; so, when the camera flashed, she flashed too. I guess posting that photo would not go with my blog's clean image anyway.


Here are a few goofy school pictures of my kids and me.

Erica is never fully dressed without a hat to show coolness.


They retook Judy's picture but gave us the original



I trimmed Daniel's mullet and put this photo in the paper.



My school picture from kindergarten.