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Saturday, August 30, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 8/31/14

It's time for another Weekend Writing Warriors!



Check out eight line snippets at: http://www.wewriwa.


Here's another snippet from my YA manuscript, BEING BENITO CARLEFFA.


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I swung my backpack over one shoulder and then noticed Bryson shoving Austin. The big guy towered a full foot over little Austin and could have easily fit his victim into one of his pant legs.
“Leave him alone, Bryson.” I stepped close enough to see three blackheads surrounding a red splotch on Bryson’s cheek. He must have picked something open, again.
            Bryson’s chest rose and fell as he curled his hands into tight fists. “Always snooping in other people’s business, aren’t you, tool?”
            “Just looking out for my friend, douche.” 

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16 comments:

thepaperbutterfly said...

I wasn't sure if this was connected to any of the previous ones? This was a great snippet :D Just enough detail to make it interesting. I actually don't have any concrit this week XD Bryson sounds like a bully :/ I was bullied in middle school/high school but with girls it's generally not physical. I'm not sure of the protagonist's name here, but I'm glad he stood up to the bully for his friend. That's much easier said than done ;) I like him/her already ^^

Millie Burns said...

Darn those bullies. Seems like a scene that's played out many a time in schools all over.

Joyce Lansky said...

This is the same story. He's seen the guy outside and is ready to get out of there. Thanks for the comments.

Evelyn Jules said...

Love the details throughout, like the pant leg reference, and the blackheads, etc. The dialogue is great too. Well done, Joyce! :)

Juneta Key said...

Nice conflict.
Juneta at Writer's Gambit

Teresa Cypher said...

Very real dialogue, and great descriptive writing. Nicely done, Joyce!

homecomingbook said...

I'm glad someone is standing up to the bully.

Binky said...

I liked it, though I'd make one small change: I'd make "Again." its own sentence.

messymimi said...

He sounds like a good friend already.

Veronica Scott said...

SO realistic. And detailed, as others have said. An effective excerpt to tell us about the characters!

caitlinsternwrites said...

Well, he's a bit repulsive. Tall and wide bully, not a good deal for the skinny little guy.

Botanist said...

Good observation of details, and glad to see someone standing up to bullies.

mail4rosey said...

Sounds like an accurate portrayal of high school hallways. ;)

Meka James said...

blackheads surrounding a red splotch on Bryson’s cheek.---ewwww great visual there!

I liked that he stepped up to help his friend even at possible risk of becoming a target himself.

Rory Bore said...

oooh, it's escalating. darn bullies!

yawattahosby said...

Loving the back and forth; it's realistic dialogue you'd hear in the hallways of a school. Oh man, I HATE bullies. I like your character already for attempting to help Austin. Can't wait to read what's in store next!

Keep smiling,
Yawatta