Catch My Products

Catch My Products
Click on the image to visit Catch My Products.

My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous Thoughts About Life" Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor- Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor -Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor - Humor

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

#WW #AtoZ : Z is for Zip Drive

When someone sends pictures, the little icon says, 
"Do you want to open as a Zip Drive?" 
Here are some old family photos that arrived via zip.


My grandfather, grandmother, infant cousin, and mother (circa 1932).


I think these are my mother's siblings (circa 1920).
Unfortunately, none of the people in the photos are around to ask.


 

Monday, April 28, 2014

#AtoZ : Y is for You

Thank you to all the wonderful people who have been regular visitors to my blog. You make it happen!
Without you, I'd be another frustrated comedian wanna be with no audience. Yet, you visit my blog and tell me I'm funny. That makes my day.

On another Y note, we visited an aunt who is 91 years young. She told me I am pretty. Her daughter told us, she's been speaking a lot of nonsense . . . although not in that order. Since, I'm beautiful, I took a couple selfies just for you. I think they may be suitable for framing beside your Farrah Fawcett poster.

A kiss for you!

Oh, and please, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Actually, at the risk of sounding tacky, I may be prettier than Farrah, Marilyn Monroe, and Audrey Hepburn, too. But we can't be sure until someone digs up their graves and checks out how they look. I just might have them beat these days.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

#MM & #AtoZ X for Xanadu

Remember Olivia Newton John in Xanadu? 
Great music but movie, not so much.



”Photobucket”border=”0
That's me!


Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.

PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

Saturday, April 26, 2014

#AtoZ : W for Winning

"We're going to the tournament to have fun. 
The way you have fun is you win!"
                                             ~Richard Bute    
Memphis Futbol Club Soccer Coach


Every year our city celebrates Memphis in May where we honor a country and teach students about a foreign land. This year the country of honor is Panama. I attended a teacher's conference and presented my students with interesting facts about Panama so that they could enter the Memphis in May writer's contest. Not to brag, but I typically have a winner of this contest each year. This year, I was blessed with two winners! 

Second Prize went to Lauren for her story about painting the golden altar in Panama black to keep
pirate Captain Henry Morgan from stealing it from the church. Her story was rich with historic detail and smoothly written; however, other than giving her the background information, I can't take credit for her writing ability. She entered my class a few months ago, so I have not had a lot of time to develop her writing.

Santiago, my first place winner, came to my class close to the beginning of the year and was not the writer he is now, so I'll take credit for his success. His early writing was cluttered with boring "be" verbs that he has learned to replace with his rich vocabulary. This is a kid who reads constantly, and as a result, his vocabulary is better than that of most adults. He has also learned to use multiple senses in his writing and strong descriptive nouns. I am kicking myself for not saving his early work because it would be a great artifact for my professional development evaluation. 

Here is the first paragraph from his winning entry. It's hard to believe that this was written by a fifth grader.


The Hunt

     Crawling close to the ground, I stalked my prey. I got as close as I could. Then I lunged and with a quick snap of my jaws, the bird was dead. It tasted as sweet as the juice that came from a monkey's meat. I padded my way back to my home, a rocky overhang curtained with leaves; my prize hanging from my mouth. As I sprinted my way back home, my spotted coat blended in the shadows caused by the leafy canopy. The sweet fragrance of the star-shaped flowers wafted around me. The meaty taste of prey filled my hunger. I was home.

We enter contests for fun, but it is most fun to win!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

#AtoZ "V" for Very Happy About Teachers Pay Teachers #TPT

I've blogged about Teachers Pay Teachers before, but it's time to bring it up again because this site has become a wonderful business for me. I have a store at TPT that contains 246 teaching products, and I am constantly adding more. Every product is for sale with items listing from Free to $15.

These are items that I've made for my students and sell to other teachers. Since joining Teachers Pay Teachers in February, 2013, I've sold 452 products and earned $1,074.72. I use these dollars for groceries, gas, and normal life instead of looking at it as extra income. It's really not extra pay, since I took a pay cut when our school system was part of a hostile take over from the city schools. It's a long story, but to make it short, my earnings from http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/Gifted-And-Talented-Materials-By-Joyce-Lansky still does not add up to my pay loss this year.

 So if you're a teacher, I'd love for you to stop by my store and check out my products. I try to keep them inexpensive because I know teachers don't make excessive amounts of money, especially for all of the extra hours we put in.
 
I have many literary units, math lessons, writing activities, logical thinking activities, as well as lessons to go along with holidays. I even have a freshly posted Tired Teachers Logic problem that contains my humor and sells for $1.  And, if you stop by my store between Sunday and the end of April, you'll find all my products on sale for 10% off!

Also, I'd love for you to follow Gifted and Talented Materials By Joyce Lansky at TPT. As a side note, I may start a new blog this summer related to my TPT store. Hopefully, the blog will get the word out.

Remember:
Sunday, April 27 - Wednesday, April 30 = 10% Discount!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

#AtoZ : U for Universe

Did you hear the news? Our space program has discovered a planet just like ours and only 500 light years away. I wonder if this planet has intelligent life. I figure the good Lord must have put something of intelligence on another planet because we sure wouldn't want the survival of all life to depend on humans. 


The President in His Royal Limo
Speaking of intelligent humans, have you seen the satirical movie Idiocracy? Luke Wilson plays the most intelligent person in the world when he time travels to a future society where only dumb people have reproduced and as a result, the populace is filled with those of substandard IQs.

Scary stuff, but looking at the stats, we just may be headed that way while geniuses work on their PhDs with no time to be fruitful and multiply.

To further prove my point, "the person may be smart, but people are dumb," here are the latest thoughts of the highly intelligent.









I fear for the future!

Monday, April 21, 2014

#AtoZ: I'm Going to Be Sagging Soon!

It's been a long time coming, but I finally can see myself sagging. To really sag a lot, I must spend time around an abundance of food, such as cookies, crackers, fruits, and gels. Maybe, one day I'll sag more than anyone in town.

But I wish I didn't have to sag in the early morning hours. 

Whatever it takes to support Superman as he leads the training for the Century 100 Mile Ride, again. Did you think I was talking about my body sagging? Ha! I'd rather bike than sag, but the cars passing close on the road scare me enough to wet my pants. So I'll just sag.



Sunday, April 20, 2014

#AtoZ Musical Tribute Brought to You by The Letter 'R'

Reo Speedwagon
"Ridin' the Storm Out"



Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Right on Time"



Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!


Saturday, April 19, 2014

#AtoZ : The Queen

Her hard, smooth body slides to capture whoever gets in her way. One space, or clear across the board, gives her power unlike the others. She cleverly works with her lower ranks to plan her attack. To lose her makes a win difficult at best for she is the queen.




"When you see a good move, look for a better one."
-Emanuel Lasker

“Strategy requires thought, tactics require observation”
-Max Euwe

A bad plan is better than none at all
-Frank Marshall



"Choose your move carefully in Chess as in life."


Thursday, April 17, 2014

#AtoZ : Passover (Plague of Blood and Monthly Bloating)

Once I was a slave in Egypt. (If I didn't admit to having been a slave, I'd be the wicked son in the story we tell every year about Pharoah enslaving us.) Moses asked Pharoah to let us go, but he said, "Nada!" 


So God smote the Egyptians with a bunch of nasty plagues. For example Pharoah once in his bed, awoken with frogs on his head; frogs on his pillow, frogs on his toes, frogs on his shoulders, and frogs on his nose. At least that's what the song says. 

He also heard locust––annoying insects hopping around, boils––worse than bad acne, and blood––not the kind that comes each month, but that would have been a better punishment for a guy. I'd have given him cramps, bloating, and moodiness, too. There's many more plagues, but let's keep this short.

Jews aren't supposed to celebrate anyone's hardships, so we spill a drop of wine for each plague, and suffer from less wine. But all is cool. We get four cups at the seder. 

Returning to the story, the Jews left Egypt while baking bread. As a result, it didn't have time to rise and we have to eat tasteless, flat stuff that gives us gas. That's the Joyce's Digest version of Passover.

Your welcome.


Monday, April 14, 2014

#AtoZ : Matzah

It's time again to give up real food for flat crackers that give one digestive problems. We can purchase all kinds of derivatives for matzah, such as matzah fartful, too. Oh, yeah, don't forget the Gas-Ex with the Passover supplies. And remember, Moses's line, "Let my people go," takes on a whole new meaning.



It's going to be a great week!

Sunday, April 13, 2014

#AtoZ : L Mr. Lansky

Happy Birthday to Mitchell! 
My Favorite Husband


Today, April 13th is not only Thomas Jefferson's birthday, but it is also my husband's birthday. This birthday makes me look like a true cougar. You see, he's been aging backwards ever since he hit fifty. As for me, I prefer to lie upwards. Remember how great I look for 82? So, if I'm 82, and he's 45, Grr!





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!









Friday, April 11, 2014

#AtoZ : Killer Cookies

I had a craving for cookies. Our cupboards were bare, and I don't eat sweets, anyway. But, to get the satisfaction, I filled a soup mug with pancake mix, an egg, baking powder - spilled, too much vanilla (oops), Splenda, and I added a few decadent chocolate chips. I didn't measure anything, and the batter was too
salty, but with the made up concoction in the oven for eight minutes, we shall see.

I Yi Yi! These taste horrible! I kid you not, even the cookie monster wouldn't want them. Do you think it's the fact that I spilled the vanilla or put too much baking soda in them? Of course, burning these suckers didn't help, either. 

Next time, I'll follow a recipe because even my dog cookies taste better than these. Today, I tossed my cookies!





#AtoZ : Jewish Geography

The Jewish community has always been a tight knit group. If I want to know something about a Jewish guy, I can make two phone calls and learn his life story.

For example, my freshman year of college, I met a young man who asked me out for New Year's Eve. He had told me about his year in college, yada, yada, but I didn't know him at all and wasn't sure if I'd made a smart decision when I told him, "Yes." When my gut told me to do research, I made two phone calls and found out more about him than I should have.

Turned out, the dude had lied to me. He was still in high school and had done some immature and violent things that made it clear that I needed to stay far away. So, I broke our date. I know it wasn't nice, but a girl has to think of her safety first.

A few years later, I was talking to a friend about Jewish Geography. I told him the story about my broken date, and he laughed hysterically because he knew the story from another angle. Turns out this high school kid had bragged about how he was coming to a party with a college girl. When he showed up alone, people asked where I was? When he told them I'd broken the date, they cheered.

I know he wasn't a nice guy, but I wish I hadn't put him through that. I hope he has forgiven me. It would have been better had I never met him.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

#AtoZ : I am Not Spoilt!


This morning, my middle child posted a Facebook Buzz Feed Article called,  Were You A Spoilt Child? Readers are asked to tick off everything they owned from Slip 'N Slides to a Darts Board. At the end of the test, the post will tell you whether or not you were spoiled.

The following conversation ensued: 


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

#WW #AtoZ Hair

Jossie O. has great hair!


Ernest has a cute little daughter. Thanks for lending me her photos for WW.


Monday, April 7, 2014

#AtoZ : G is for Gadget Breakage Problem

My son claims I got mad and ripped the handle off the microwave. If that's the
case, I guess I tore the knob off the refrigerator, too. I also yanked the cord on the vacuum cleaner and broke it. Now, I have an excuse for not vacuuming. Furthermore, late one night, I climbed up on our roof, jumped up and down, and put holes in it. Not to mention the leaking faucet. I shouldn't have forced my fist down the pipe.

I've got to learn to control my gadget breakage problem. On the upside, or down depending on how one looks at it, we replaced the vacuum cleaner, today. Time to pick up dog hairs.


Sunday, April 6, 2014

#AtoZ: Favorite Son Returns - Letter F

Happy Birthday to Daniel
My Favorite Son

Me at 26 with Daniel

It's April 6th, and here's the post you've all been waiting for: a recap on my favorite son's lovelife. One year later, and he's still single. Some of you may remember my post on his birthday last year, where I advertised to find him a wife. I actually survived the post and am ready to celebrate his birthday number 26. On my birthday 26, I was married and expecting Daniel. 

On the bright side, Daniel has a girlfriend, and I actually like her. She is blond and beautiful (of course), and she is not afraid of me . . . yet. This girl has a great personality and is fun to talk to. On the Jewish issue, we're halfway there, but it's the Dad half. I wonder if she'd convert? She's also smart. She's working on a Master's Degree at Vanderbilt. And guess what else? She actually reads my blog! So, am I in trouble again this year?

I figure my last year's post wasn't that bad because Daniel has shown it to everyone and their kid brother. If you missed it, you'll have to check it out and see what you think: Last Year's Mom Fail. I'm sure you'll laugh.

On the down side, Daniel's girlfriend has a mustache. I guess it's okay if she doesn't spill food in it when she eats.





Since it's time for Musical Monday, I will leave you with "Danny's Song." We started his Bar Mitzvah video with this very same tune.







Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!