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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Dating Naked

Have you heard about the new reality TV show, Dating Naked? If I can't find a bit of humor in this one, I guess I'll have to quit being a humor blogger. The premise for the show is for people to go on first dates in the nude, buff, naked, bare, stripped, etc. Of course one of the comedians was concerned about where money will be kept when they go out. Also, would the waiter really want to touch money when it comes out of storage? Fortunately, these singles on an island don't need pockets. 

I hope they use plenty of sunscreen, otherwise, those round apples might look like Jonathans. Or after looking at some naked folks, people might turn green. Naw! It's television, so they'll only choose those people with disgustingly perfect figures and no backne.

The best part about the show is that the bachelorettes won't have any problems being able to tell if the guys truly like them. As for the viewers, they just need to look for a bigger patch of blur. I wonder if they have doctors on the set. After all, the commercials say, "Please seek medical attention for an erection lasting over four hours." Bwaaaa. 

Now that naked television is the new thing, I wonder what other shows will be popping up. Be on the lookout for:


  • The Big Butt Theory
  • Under the Dong
  • Once Upon A Tit
  • Full Blouse
  • Sex With P. Diddy
  • Game of Boners
  • Knocking Up the Kardashians

Maybe How I Met Your Mother could start a new season after this show or Two and a Half Men might take on a whole new meaning.


Sunday, July 27, 2014

Music From Memphis, TN

WC Handy (Father of the Blues) statue on Beale Street
He wrote the Memphis Blues.
I chose this week's Musical Monday Moves Me theme. Everyone needs to tell us where they are from and to feature music from their home town. Since I've lived in Memphis for the last 29 years, I now call this Tennessee town home. First up is a song from a young artist who was an APEX (intellectually gifted) student in Shelby County Schools where I teach. I know a couple of ladies who taught him, and I once saw him perform at one of our teacher's conferences. Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough to ask Dr. Weiner when Justin Timberlake was coming in so I could schedule my dental appointments to be "In Sync" with his visits. I never saw another one of his patients, Gennifer Goodwin, in my dentist's office, either.  



The next artist is The King. Although he died before I moved to Memphis, my father-in-law taught him how to tie a tie. My husband used to see him regularly at the Memphis Jewish Community Center after hours. He'd come out with his buddies to play basketball. Uncle Bernard Lansky, the clothier to the king, was so tight with Elvis that my husband was invited to ride in one of the limos at his funeral; however, Mitchell couldn't get home from college. Elvis Presley recorded his first record at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tennessee. Yo! Here comes Elvis.


There are many more artists with a Memphis connection. Ike and Tina Turner once owned a home not too far from where we live, Aretha Franklin brought lots of "Respect" to Memphis, Tennessee, and Rosanne Cash was born here while her father Johnny was recording at Sun Studios. Though not born in Memphis, B.B. King moved here and Isaac Hayes died here. We have become the mecca for music over the years as many artists lived here. But I know no one has ever heard of any of these people I mentioned or the many more one would find if you googled "Memphis Musicians." Not being one to post a lot of songs, I will end with one final song about our town. Marc Cohn wrote it after being touched by a visit to Memphis. He captured this place so well, that here he is. 



They even made a Memphis the Musical.
So, do you this I was being selfish when I suggested this theme 
or did I just want a chance to brag?



Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!


Saturday, July 26, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 07/27/14

        Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/27/14




As a follower of the hero's journey, I always start my novels in the normal world before inviting the freak on board. Here is the beginning of my unpublished manuscript BEING BENITO CARLEFFA, before they beat Ben, killed his mom, or even served him "Gestapo" soup. Without the drama, would you keep reading after these first eight sentences? Why or why not? If not, what would you suggest? Please be honest. I can take it.


∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞


      The last bell ended my teacher’s talk on the robber barons, famous dead guys who ripped dudes off to get rich, so I stuffed Our Great Nation into my backpack. Those who didn’t want to get squashed hung under a poster of the presidents, while everyone else bolted for the door. Someone had marked up Washington with horns, earrings, and a Hitler mustache; more proof that I didn’t fit in with freshmen. 

      “You’re quiet,” Sara said. 

      I pointed at the crappy artwork. “Did you see that?” 

      “That’s hysterical!” She laughed as if something was actually funny and then wrapped her fingers around my arm. 


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Daniel Does Soccer

Tonight we watched The AFC, Daniel's soccer team, play a winning match in Nashville. None of the guys knew what AFC stood for, so I called them The Amazing Futball Club. Although only one guy from the other team got it in the nuts, Daniel scored a brilliant goal. He hit the ball off his chest and volleyed it in from the air. It was a two-step––like the dance. He also had a beautiful red head who came to see the game. 

I don't know if you know how into soccer my son is, but he recently went to Brazil to watch the World Cup. While he was there, he ran into Dave from England. This was one of the soccer coaches who stayed with us for several weeks one summer. His buddy Niall found my daughter's fish floating dead in the bowl, so she named her new fish Niall.

Hope you enjoyed my quick post. She you later, Peeps.







Tuesday, July 22, 2014

#WW : Dog Shaming

I ate my grandmother's glasses.



And the mat, kitchen spoon, wooden game, didgeridoo, boomerang key chains, comb, ping pong paddles. I also ripped a hole through the porch screen and chewed carpet. I'm a bad puppy!


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Musical Monday: Head East

Driving on the highway, my daughter told me to "Head East." Before I knew it, 
a song came to mind, so here it is.


Does anyone remember this second song?


Tune in next week when the theme will be about songs from our hometowns. Do you think I'll have trouble finding a singer from Memphis?





Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.




PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors Blog Hop 7/20/14

Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/20/14



Since I've shown the dark side of my young adult manuscript, 
BEING BENITO CARLEFFA, this week I'll lighten things up with 
a humorous dinner time snippet between Ben and his father.

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After blowing on the red soup, I cautiously sipped it off the spoon. It's cold? Next I knew, I gagged, coughed, and thumped my chest. All this money, and these people couldn’t even heat the food.

     “You don't like the gazpacho?” Fiso asked. 

      I dropped my spoon on the table. Why would he mention the Gestapo? What was he, a modern day Nazi? Sure, everyone likes murderers. Sick. This guy’s really sick.


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Thursday, July 17, 2014

Writer's Smooze

I attended an interesting and informative writers' workshop, where I learned a technique for freeing stuck brains when writing. I have a sixth novel that I started some time ago but didn't finish because I didn't know where the plot was headed. Time to pull it out again and try this new brainstorming technique. Write a word, put it in a bubble, and continually draw lines to other word bubbles to see where it takes you.


Picture this machine with a kid's head caught inside.
We also learned how a part of ourselves or emotion is in everything we write. I thought of a comedic scene where my main character's best friend gets his head caught in a bathroom hand drying machine. I thought, that's never happened to me, so how does it relate? Using the technique I figured things out.

The trick reminded me of how a friend of mine and I used to check out each other's dates in college. We dressed up in raincoats and hats while carrying a notepad and pen. We asked the date to turn around so we could check out his butt and any other obnoxious stunts we could blatantly pull. It was so goofy that it took all awkwardness out of checking out a date. Well, at least it did for us. I don't know about the poor sap with the cute buns.

Anyway, it's not so much my character getting his head caught in the hand drying machine and blowing spittle all over the floor as the writing reflects the feeling one gets by knowing you've done something so silly and stupid that it quits being embarrassing and becomes funny.

Have you been there?

So what the heck does my writing scenes where a teen is abused by crazy mob members mean? I never even spanked my own children and here I am tearing this poor character to bits. Maybe some things are best not analyzed. 

For more Ben abuse, tune in Saturday night for another episode of Weekend Writers. Last week I killed his mom. Mwahahaha.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Margo Dill's Book and Contest

I planned to post this Monday night, but our power went out, again. I'll see you next week for Wordless Wednesday.


Busch Stadium by Phil www.flickr.com




Great question! Margo's young adult novel, Caught Between Two Curses (Rocking Horse Publishing, March 2014), is the story of 17-year-old Julie Nigelson, who is cursed. So is her entire family. And it’s not just any-old-regular curse, either—it’s strangely connected to the famous “Curse of the Billy Goat” on the Chicago Cubs, hence the All-Star baseball week celebration.

Julie must figure out this mystery while her uncle lies in a coma and her entire love life is in ruins: her boyfriend Gus is pressuring her to have sex, while her best friend Matt is growing more attractive to her all the time. Somehow, Julie must figure out how to save her uncle, her family’s future, and her own love life—and time is running out! 
What have people been saying about Margo's book?
Here are a few lines from a couple reviews on Amazon.com:
"This book is one of the best I have read in a long time. Once I opened it up I could not stop until I was finished."  ~Janet Cannon
 "A baseball mystery and a contemporary, heartfelt romance, CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO CURSES is sure to score big with the young teen audience!" ~Cathy C. Hall

"I definitely recommend this to young adults, but really any adult because it's a story that keeps you interested and will stay with you long after you finish." ~Amie Merz
Okay, so what is the contest and the sale???
photo by DonkeyHotey flickr.com
Here's the part you've been waiting for.  First the sale: 
The Kindle ebook is...99 cents July 14/15, $1.99 July 16/17, $2.99 July 18/19, and back to $3.99 July 20.
The print copy is for sale ON MARGO'S WEBSITE (http://margodill.com/blog/books/) and is $5.00 off the cover price, so only $6.95 (+$3.00 for shipping and handling). She will autograph it and gift wrap if it's a gift, plus include a bookmark for free. More details at the link above. (The print version is also on sale for $10.76 (10 % savings) on Amazon.com.) 
 If you are an Amazon Prime Member, you can check out the e-BOOK for free at anytime!
The contest:
Go to the Rafflecopter form below this post--all you need to enter is your name and e-mail, which is how I contact you if you win one of the prizes. Do at least one of the tasks below and then click on the entry button to enter the contest. You can do as many tasks as you want! If you are confused or have any questions, please feel free to e-mail Margo at margo (at) margodill.com. Tasks range from leaving a review of Caught Between Two Curses to announcing the contest and sale on a social media page to uploading a photo of you in baseball gear. See below for more.
Margo L. Dill
The prizes:
One winner with a United States mailing address will win a $25 gift card to either Applebee's, TGI Fridays, Starbucks, Panera Bread, or Olive Garden (winner's choice). One runner-up winner will receive a free 3000-word critique from Margo (Editor 911)--this can be anywhere in the world as long as the document is in English. The contest goes from July 14 to July 20. Winners will be announced on July 21! 
What are you waiting for?
So, join in the fun and while you're entering the contest or buying a sale copy of Caught Between Two Curses, join in a rousing rendition of  "Take me out to the ballgame. Take me out with the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I don't care if I ever get back. . ." 

a Rafflecopter giveaway