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Showing posts with label fish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fish. Show all posts

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Silly Sunday: Curtain Rods

Since today is 9/11, I'm faced with the dilemma: Do I participate in Rhonda's Silly Sunday at http://www.laugh-quotes.com or skip it this week since it's such a sad day for our country. I've decided to participate and here's why. Although I didn't lose anyone on 9/11, I've lost many loved ones and all of them would want me to be happy, so here's a Silly Sunday story.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left...   When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.     

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.  Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T  YOU?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

#GBE2: Scorned Blogger Breaks Trust After 40 Years

When I was in fifth grade, my best friend Kate was quite beautiful and as a result, just about every fellow in class had a crush on her. Being her best friend, the boys assumed I knew which lucky guy she liked back. I did. She had indeed trusted me with this secret and I promised I wouldn't tell.

Shortly after that, the boys attacked me on the playground and pinned my arm behind my back in an attempt to get me to reveal her secret. I still did not tell. So imagine the horror I felt when Kate had another secret, but said, "I'm not going to tell you because you'll tell everyone."

I was mortified! How dare her! Although they tortured me, I kept her trust. Now that approximately forty years have gone by, and Kate disappeared never to show up at a high school reunion, I owe it to her to break that trust and tell ALL of you bloggy friends Kate's secret. Ha, ha, ha!

Famous Fish!


Kate liked Fish. If you don't know who Fish is, rent the movie Fargo and watch the airport scene. Our dear classmate grew up to be an actor and he is the fellow working the airport toll booth when the criminal drives through. I was so thankful Fish didn't get shot because that dude in the car was crazy! I understand Fish is in a new movie called Mayor Cupcake. I must rent it. As for who Kate is: I haven't seen her in any movies, but I'll let you know when I do.

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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Broken TV - Go Fish

If you were to replace the most expensive item in your house, what would it be? For us, it's that sixty inch mega giant television in our family room that has just bit the dust. We saw its demise coming with its occasional popping sound before the screen would go blank.

We interrupt this program for an important news announcement **POP** 
or
Detective, we've just figured out who killed Isadore, it was **POP**

Now everytime we turn on the TV, we hear one jar of mus- **POP** or guilt- **POP** In other words, the television broke, and we will be broke too once we purchase a new one. If you've TV shopped recently, you understand this concept.

Last night, we ventured into Best Buys and found a very helpful and very pieced saleslady. Okay, I exaggerate, but she did have the rod through the cartridge, a knob on the tongue, and a few empty holes that probably no one but the earring Nazi (me) noticed. The store walls were covered with flat screens, Plasmas, High Def, LED, 3D, and of course the bibbity-bobbity-boo-I-don't-know-what-to-do type. Long gone are the days of just picking up a box.

Now with a new TV comes the question of what to do with the old one. After all, this gigantic piece stands to my chin but thank God, it's much wider. Erica, my beautiful and brilliant youngest child wants to turn the television box into a gigantic fish tank! We'd clean out the insides, fill it with water, and have sixty inches of aquarium.

Interesting idea because this is not the first time this box has held life. Years ago, a brown recluse got trapped behind the glass. We enjoyed watching her crawl over the face of the annoying Head On lady with her repetitive commercial designed to give us a headache so we'd buy her product. Finally, our friend turned to dust and we can still see her shriveled corpse on the bottom ledge. *sniff*

Interesting idea about the fish, Erica, but no. Instead, I've placed a fun fish tank at the bottom of this blog. Move the arrow, and my fish will follow. Click the mouse and food will drop! Have fun kiddies, and we're off to look at more high tech TVs.