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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Sunday, March 20, 2016

#AtoZ : Zits

Ever wonder how long people have been getting zits? They've been around for my entire life, yet I don't remember seeing historical photographs where pimples protruded from young noses.


Take Joan of Arc who died at age nineteen, yet not a blemish on her face. Surely she had at least as much stress as the teens of today, but no one ever sees pimples on her face.


Or how about King Tutankamum who also died at nineteen? Look at that face. Okay, it's black, cracked, and aged, but the skin is smooth. Where are the zits? Did he use ancient Clearasil? Wait a minute. What's that spot on his right cheek?



Nope, I didn't find historical pictures with acne, so I did a google search and BINGO!  Did you know that ancient Egyptian writings mention pharaohs with zits? So that's what they meant by the curse of boils in the Passover story! The pharaohs were covered in pimples.

Yep, zits have probably been annoying teenagers since the cavemen days.

"Doff, don't eat that greasy mammoth thigh or you'll get bumps on your face."

"Yes, Mother." (Rolls ancient eyes)




Factually, the word "acne" was invented in ancient Greece. As for the word zit, it popped up in the dictionary in 1966 with an "origin unknown" label. From that, the 60s brought us "zit-coms." Ie., sitcoms aimed at teens.

I first learned about zits in grade school when my brother complained about black heads. I didn't know what a black head meant, but when my friend Jean came over, I told her my brother had them. She didn't understand how my brother could have a black head and neither did I, but I learned. 

As I aged, I got my very own pimples. I especially remember the friendly zits that would pop up to say, "Hello" whenever a big event was on the horizon.

When it comes to zits, nothing beats this scene from Animal House. Enjoy.



Thursday, May 21, 2015

End of School Craziness

Perhaps you've seen the owls circulating Facebook.
I am totally the owl on the right; so to celebrate all of us losing our minds, I've created a logic problem about us at the end of the year. It's called Tired Teachers, and it might give your third through fifth grade students a chuckle when they read about what exhausted teachers do in May.
You may purchase this little gem for just $1 
Plus it comes complete with an answer key-a necessity because let's face it,
We're Tired!
If you like logic, please check out my store. I have 
plenty of problems to challenge bright kids.
End of School

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Funny Fail?

I have a knock knock joke.
You go first.

Let's try that again.

Knock knock
Whose their?
Hard.
Hard who?
Hard to be funny with so much on my mind.

I was in the doctor's office two weeks ago, and he diagnosed me with Diabetes. It's a combination between genetics, high levels of stress, and bad eating as a result.

I've had an incredibly stressful year. If all my coworkers were to throw their health problems into a box and shake, the box would explode. That is if they stuck around long enough to watch. One by one, many have quit. Those of us who have stuck it out have suffered from high blood pressure, shingles, and now let's add my Diabetes to the list.


As for the dreaded diagnosis, I've been expecting it for some time. After all, genetics loads the gun and life style pulls the trigger. My dad was diagnosed when he was around my age and under going a lawsuit from his business. In many ways, I am my dad in that I'm a worrier who wants to please. Interestingly enough, I've had a lot of dreams recently that involve Dad being with me. Although he died in 1993, I've never stopped missing him. I guess we never do.

Looking at dream analysis sites, dreaming about one's father hints at a need for protection. This makes sense because Dad was always looking out for me. With me being only 31 when he died, I felt cheated; however, I've since gotten over these feelings by talking to people about their dads. I was better off with my father for 31 years than theirs for 62.

Dad never hit me, but I believed he would. He told me to do that with my kids.
Unfortunately, although we never even spanked our children, we could not pull off the believed fear that we would. As for me, I've only successfully beaten the crap out of fictional characters. Does that mean the violence is in me? I could claim that to scare my kids, but it's too late. They are adults, and I'd have a hard time convincing them that they'll be going over my knee for their insolence. By the way, my kids' favorite thing to do is to tell "You're mama" jokes in front of me, but I'm being ADD, again.

The good thing about my dreams of Dad is that at night he shows up walking. Dad lost both of his legs to Diabetes. Mom, on the other hand, never had severe problems with her Diabetes. I hope to keep the disease under control. I've lost five pounds in the last few weeks and plan to lose more. Plus, I will be eligible to retire in a couple of years. Pray that I can hang in there long enough to receive full benefits for thirty years on the job. It's hard to believe just how close I am.

As a side note, you may look forward to reading about how I abuse my characters after I retire and have time to focus on getting published.


Thursday, December 25, 2014

Family Christmas News Letters

Dear Family & Friends,


It's been a fabulous year for us Griswolds. In the summer, we loaded up the kids and had a fun vacation to Walley World. The best part of a family vacation is the togetherness we experienced as we drove from city to city with the family.  We met interesting people in St. Louis, an even more interesting woman along the road, and had great service in a traditional western saloon. We stopped at Cousin Eddie's place and got to drive Aunt Edna home.

     When we finally reached Wally World, we got the best spot in the lot. We road all of the rides and even met Mr. Walley in person.


Now that it's Christmas, we have the most brilliant light display in the neighborhood. Plus, I got a great bonus from my boss. Life is good when you're a Griswold. 

Take care and have a Merry Christmas.

Love,
Clark, Ellen, Rusty, & Audrey





Tuesday, December 16, 2014

#WW Bad Mood

I didn't leave work until after seven tonight and . . .



or maybe . . .


I hope I make it to vacation without screaming at someone.
P.S. Don't let your babies grow up to be teachers.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Brush with Fame

While traveling to be with the family on Thanksgiving, we were entertained by this steward doing this exact routine. So THAT'S why several people asked to take selfies with him! I never laughed so hard on an airplane. Check him out.