Catch My Products

Catch My Products
Click on the image to visit Catch My Products.

My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Letter to Santa


                                                                                                                           
                                                                                                                         November 20, 2014

Dear Santa,

            I know it’s usually kids who write to you, so I hope you don’t mind getting a letter from me. I just have a few things to talk to you about. First off, I have a question about your reindeers. Are reindeers natural flyers or do you do something magical to make them fly? If it’s a magic something, could you do it to other animals, like dogs? I think it would be pretty cool if you could make my dogs fly because when I let them out to pee, they end up digging in the dirt and tracking mud into the house.  If I could fly my dogs outside, they could pee from the air? I wonder if they’d still squat. But, I digress.
            Santa, I’m missing my fifth graders from last year. They were so much fun, and they knew how to sit still. The kids I have this year are WILD, especially the younger kids. Although it's not their fault, second grade has been a challenge because I have fourteen kids in a room that’s not much larger than those chimneys you slide down. Okay, I exaggerate, unless we’re talking about the fireplaces in Beverly Hills. Anyway, these sweet kids constantly wiggle in such a way that you’d think the room was filled with mice from the squeaking chairs. Someone is always humming, muttering, or tilting.
            One week, two kids who were “sitting” in their chairs bumped heads. Today, when gathered on the carpet, a kid started crying and his nose was bleeding. In trying to figure out what had happened, we discovered that he accidentally kneed himself in the nose. To make matters worse, a little coal gatherer secretly made fun of him by pretending to whack himself in the nose with his knee. As the teacher, I firmly told him to stop. But I confess, I then did everything I could to keep from bursting out laughing. Success!

            So Santa, for Christmas, I was wondering if you could help me to calm the kids down by supplying Ritalin licks on the playground. Not that I want to drug my kids, but maybe they could just get a shot of something to settle down. Okay. I guess that might be a bad idea, so instead maybe you could get something to help me to calm down?
            Have a very Merry Christmas and hug all your elves for me.

                                                                                                              Love,
                                                                                                              Joyce

P.S. Don't forget to enter my contest to win a free watch. I know you need to keep track of time. The link is at the top of the blog.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Dinner at Hamburger Mary's

Last night, my daughter Erica, niece Jessica, her good friend Kendall, and I went out to dinner at Hamburger Mary's in Orlando. While at the restaurant, Joan Crawford led us in several fun rounds of trivia. The first step to the trivia game was to choose a group name that needed to be terribly dirty and disgusting. To quote Marissa Tomei from  My Cousin Vinny, "They Worh!" Some memorable teams were "I Have 69 Problems Because my Girl Friend is a Midget" and "If the Red River Flows, Take the Dirt Path." Miss Crawford didn't like our team name because he is not a Harry Potter fan. We called ourselves, "You Can Slytherin My Chamber of Secrets."


Our Drag Queen Host
The names were just a small sampling of the fun to be had at trivia night. All of the questions centered around movie themes. I learned that the number one hit song from a movie is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," of The Wizard of Oz fame; Meryl Streep has been nominated for an Oscar eighteen times; and the Oscars were delayed in 1968 when Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot.

We also had fun with our trivia MC's off the cuff comments. For example, when a lady ran to get her prize, he said, "Here comes a lady with a bad bra." Also, when mentioning gays, he pointed to a table and said, "Like you guys." Finally, a woman celebrating her upcoming wedding was asked the gender of her beloved. When she said she was marrying a man, he wanted to know why she came to a gay establishment to celebrate. He thought she was just rubbing in the fact that she CAN get married.



Our last round was called the Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay, Gay Round. All of the questions involved either gay actors, actresses, or movies. Since our host told us we could change our names and most of us should, we decided to call ourselves, Straight,  Straight, Straight, Straight,  Straight, Straight. When people booed, he wanted to know which table we were at. I tried to duck low, but after awhile my daughter raised her hand, since he wasn't letting this one go. He said, "We were alright" and wanted to know why we never have our own parade. I guess it's time to plan a Straight Pride Parade.



Thursday, October 2, 2014

Sins



Dear World,

I'M SORRY. In a past life I did something awful and now you seek revenge. I was not thinking when I sacked your village and plundered your precious silver. We barbarians did those sorts of things. When I smashed golden statues in your palace, it was the alcohol forced upon us pawns. Stealing your boat and leaving you stranded on an island was not cool, but what did you expect from pirates? I honestly don't remember what I did, but it must have been terrible because the karma coming at me in this life is strong, and I'm tired.


Also, if I did anything naughty this past year, please forgive me for that, too.

Joyce