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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Showing posts with label president. Show all posts
Showing posts with label president. Show all posts

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Seven Wonders

Week #8—What are your 7 Wonders?

This week, the Writer's Post group has asked me to blog about "My Seven Wonders of the World." Long ago I wrote posts on the The Eighth Wonder of My World and Nudity and the Ninth Wonder of My World, since the seven wonders were already known. Please check these out if you get a chance.

Keeping with the assignment, here are my wonders from the serious to the silly.

Far from home. :(
1.) Where has time gone?
 My summer vacation is over, my youngest child leaves for college on Saturday, and I'll be fifty in December. Holy crap! Seems like yesterday I was riding my bike and getting in trouble for talking too much in school.


2.) Why do people allow themselves to be fooled by idiot politicians?
I remember a story from the Onion years back where they interviewed indigent people waiting in line to cast votes. The quote went something like this:

I ain't got no health care nor dental insurance, but it's gonna be alright because we have a God fearing man as president.


Our Lovable Rescue Rat
3.) How can some people not like dogs?
No one in the world gives me the unconditional love of my furry friends. Nor do people try to lick my face, Thank God.

4.) Why do people make fun of nerds?
As I've told my daughters, if you want a good life, marry a nerd. They are smart, kind, and will never let you down. I have a special love for the nerdy little kids in my gifted program, but believe it or not, true nerds are rare.

 In the spirit of Emma Lazarus, 
here is my adaptation of her poem:

"Give me your nerdy, your social inept,
Your huddled dorks yearning to excel,
The social refuse from cool kids.
Send these, the smart, tempest-tost gamers to me,
I lift my arms beside the classroom door!"

Although I posted the link below not long ago, it's a fave so here it goes again for those who missed it the first time.


iris
5.) What's with the irises in my yard?
Last year they didn't bloom at all, while the year before they were splendid. Maybe they're tied to my mood or God-forbid the economy . . . which means I might not see them for thirty years--which bites because I'll be dead by then.

6.) Why do my feet dry out?
I'm forever saturating my piggies with lotions and lubricants, but danggummit, them scales keep comin'.


7.) Why do some people (not to mention names - Mitchell Lansky) put toilet paper rolls in backwards? The paper should come from the top! Enough said.

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Friday, July 29, 2011

Power of Words

Many young mothers love to brag about how intelligent their babies are because they can say a word or two. Although my daughters spoke early and often, my first born son was a quiet mover who barely said much his first year of life; however, Daniel rode a bicycle before his third birthday. Of course now that my kids are 23, 21, and 18 years old, no one knows or cares about their early development.

Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein, one of the most brilliant minds ever, continually worried his mother because he didn't talk until he was three or four years old. One evening at the dinner table he said, "The soup's too hot." His mother, being thrilled and relieved to hear her young son speak, asked why he had never spoken before. Young Einstein said, "Up to now everything has been in order."

Although we like to tune into the first words of babies, kid speech is more fun as they bumble through our language not always knowing what their words mean. In a fourth grade classroom, a child was assigned to describe the country of Belgium in twenty-six pages--one page for each letter of the alphabet. If that child knew what urinate meant, she wouldn't have written, "Belgium men urinate in the streets" on her U page.

Kids are not the only ones who sometimes misinterpret language. I remember a father from long ago who used to love to show everyone how smart he was by using "big" words; however, he sounded like an idiot when he called the parent/teacher conference a tryst! Not with you, moron.

FDR
Misinterpreting language is not new to our millennium. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt hated the typical small talk and flattery that he received at the Washington parties, so at one event he greeted his guests by cheerily saying, "I murdered my grandmother this morning." Most people smiled, paid the president a compliment, and moved on. Towards the end of the evening, he came upon an active listener who diplomatically said, "I'm sure she had it coming to her."

Since I started with Einstein's first words, let me end with Karl Marx's last words in 1883. His maid asked him if he had any dying words that she could write down for prosperity. He said, "Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

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