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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Showing posts with label stinky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stinky. Show all posts

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A Penny For MY Thoughts

We've all heard the old saying, "A penny for your thoughts," but I figured I'd give you some of mine for absolutely nothing.


Beautiful Smelly Planet
Recently, I read that Saturn's moon Titan and Neptune contain methane as their main element. This got me thinking. Doesn't methane smell like farts? Good thing these stinky planets are far from Earth. Then again, with all that's being passed around here, maybe we could grow some beautiful rings around our planet, too.

I looked up methane and farts to see if I was right on my theory. Guess what I learned? There is actually a discipline called flatology or the study of farts. Could you imagine going 
Beautiful Smelly Person
to school to get that education? Imagine if one got a doctorate in flatulence. People study this in med school. I could just see a guy meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. "Excuse me? You do what for a living?"

I guess it could be worse. I knew a penis doctor who kept specimens in a jar to let his daughter's dates know to behave themselves.

Anyway, back to Neptune. It sure is a beautiful smelly planet. Kind of reminds me of Robert Pattinson--very good looking but known to have horrible body odor. Can you handle it? If not, don't move to Neptune or date The Twilight vampire.

These are my free thoughts. Aren't you glad you stuck around for them?

Friday, January 6, 2012

Writer's Post: Making a Difference

This week's Writer's Post topic is making a difference. Here are five things you should know to make a difference:

1.) Before visiting the dentist one has two choices: floss regularly and have a quick visit or don't floss and have some lady jab your sore gums until blood gushes onto her tools and you're screaming, "Holy sh*t!" Flossing makes a difference.

2.)  When coloring hair, put dye on ones roots for ten to fifteen minutes and then put it on the rest of the hair for the remaining time. That way one's hair won't turn bright orange. Not leaving hair dye all over one's head makes a difference in whether one looks like Bozo or not.

3.)  When one has a scab, don't pick. This will keep it from healing and give one a big, ugly boo boo that won't go away–usually on one's face. Not picking scabs makes a difference.

4.)  When one reaches old age, dump the mild kid deodorant for something stronger. Otherwise, one will stink like an old hag. Switching deodorant makes a difference.

5.)  And finally Mitt Romney made a difference for many when he caused them to lose their jobs so he could make money. Watch the video and remember: Who you vote for makes a difference!