tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post2356650758453553584..comments2024-02-14T07:56:14.284-06:00Comments on Catch My Words: Weekend Writing Warriors / 08/17/14Catch My Wordshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-45338698394582258482014-08-22T19:32:50.226-05:002014-08-22T19:32:50.226-05:00Good job introducing the creepy factor! Nicely don...Good job introducing the creepy factor! Nicely done. :-)Teresa Cypherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940430996766842518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-28923687389169490562014-08-20T15:04:50.606-05:002014-08-20T15:04:50.606-05:00Great set-up. It makes me wonder why the main char...Great set-up. It makes me wonder why the main character finds the fat guy creepy or dangerous. Was he giving them a evil stare? Fondling himself? I'm motivated to see if this creepy guy comes into play later on.<br /><br />Keep smiling,<br />YawattaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-74896453006756547382014-08-19T21:13:14.778-05:002014-08-19T21:13:14.778-05:00Is this better?
Thinking about soccer, I checked ...Is this better?<br /><br />Thinking about soccer, I checked for storm clouds but was distracted by a bug-eyed, fat guy leaning on a Cadillac.Catch My Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338761214938263819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-67029461367917526952014-08-19T18:00:51.929-05:002014-08-19T18:00:51.929-05:00Sorry this is a bit late :$ Is this the intro? I...Sorry this is a bit late :$ Is this the intro? It draws me in instantly and I want to read on. Not sure if this creepy guy is a recurring character, or one put in to help develop the protagonist. <br /><br />This line struck me as awkward, "Pinging came from a flag hook tapping its pole outside the open window." I'm not really sure why. It sounds like she's in a room of some sort. Perhaps go about it like she's daydreaming or spacing out, but the sound of the flag hook brings her back to reality. Or maybe it's really silent so the pinging stands out. <br /><br />You did a great job of creating an ominous atmosphere :) I'm hoping we find out a bit more about this next week!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-54109219100645228052014-08-18T22:58:58.188-05:002014-08-18T22:58:58.188-05:00Sounds ominous! Definitely fraught with suspense....Sounds ominous! Definitely fraught with suspense. I agree that the second sentence seems a bit awkward though. How about something like this instead?<br />"Thinking about soccer, I checked for storm clouds and spotted a bug-eyed, fat guy leaning on a Cadillac."Debbie D. https://www.blogger.com/profile/13153118405565035071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-90816301892853013652014-08-18T09:34:15.056-05:002014-08-18T09:34:15.056-05:00Oh, I got shivers as soon as you described him. M...Oh, I got shivers as soon as you described him. My mind immediately said "bad news".<br />very intriguing. LA Botcharhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09045857399816360885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-65516035271406651912014-08-17T20:18:15.502-05:002014-08-17T20:18:15.502-05:00I am going straight to my front door now, to make ...I am going straight to my front door now, to make sure it is locked.Michael Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03837894257911367660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-25279552054293331232014-08-17T20:12:23.195-05:002014-08-17T20:12:23.195-05:00The ending was good. The second sentence threw me ...The ending was good. The second sentence threw me though.<br /><br />Congrats for being wise and brave enough to share! J Lenni Dornerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07961335286982498158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-32069074091144215722014-08-17T19:44:54.393-05:002014-08-17T19:44:54.393-05:00I can certainly feel the tension! Nice job.I can certainly feel the tension! Nice job.Lashell Collinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00085689719060672458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-72316746092059106002014-08-17T18:08:53.791-05:002014-08-17T18:08:53.791-05:00That stranger is one i certainly wouldn't want...That stranger is one i certainly wouldn't want to hang around.messymimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10649529601786689712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-24146011848950245292014-08-17T16:44:31.542-05:002014-08-17T16:44:31.542-05:00I definitely wonder what's going to happen wit...I definitely wonder what's going to happen with the man. Good job of getting the reader engaged with the scene in just a few sentences!Veronica Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04732940088047026021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-53071651406483613862014-08-17T16:23:59.512-05:002014-08-17T16:23:59.512-05:00You really set the scene well!! I love it.You really set the scene well!! I love it.Masshole Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04336689382200054448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-11380113056906920322014-08-17T12:46:28.635-05:002014-08-17T12:46:28.635-05:00good use of descriptive words.good use of descriptive words.Meka Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04592225193233705022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-6504762158842788562014-08-17T12:39:27.423-05:002014-08-17T12:39:27.423-05:00I could "feel" the ominous setting.I could "feel" the ominous setting. Gem Sivadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01233835029255570402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-35095807951891811012014-08-17T12:23:37.983-05:002014-08-17T12:23:37.983-05:00Only thing is, "bug-eyed" sort of conjur...Only thing is, "bug-eyed" sort of conjures "bug-eyed alien." Is that intentional?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-9587053988198087622014-08-17T11:55:36.892-05:002014-08-17T11:55:36.892-05:00Dark clouds, bug-eyed man fixing his bug-eyed gaze...Dark clouds, bug-eyed man fixing his bug-eyed gaze on her...not even the thought of soccer can erase the creepy tone here. lol. Great job setting the scene! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13436620421781059000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8063731082086337074.post-71550525933458414722014-08-17T08:30:29.845-05:002014-08-17T08:30:29.845-05:00Good descriptive of the rather creepy guy. Good descriptive of the rather creepy guy. Rhonda Albomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17455873487349816911noreply@blogger.com