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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Paul Revere and Other Myths

Our Next President?
I recently had a story published in AppleSeeds Magazine about Paul Revere's ride. According to Sarah Palin, I got my facts all wrong. Paul Revere rode up and down the streets ringing a bell to warn the British that we were going to lock and load. What's even more amazing is that I actually met someone who tried to convince me that Palin was right! If that's the case, we can change all kinds of historical events to meet our needs. Hmm.

Did you know that our fore fathers started the electoral college not because they believed the commoner wasn't smart enough to vote but because starting a college would get them more prestige, better paying jobs, and noticed by the ladies? That's right. Unknown to the public, the electoral college is actually a place of higher learning. Where else would folks learn how to make those powdered wigs?

And the crimes of taking over land from the Indians is all a myth too. They gave it to us because they liked how we taught them how to hunt, fish, and pop popcorn. We even showed them how to add sugar, salt, and preservatives to make this healthy food stick to ones insides and make one fat. Next, Indians enjoyed pilgrim led aerobics instruction.

 We were also overly kind to our Japanese citizens during World War II. We sent them off to fine spas where they got to enjoy saunas, steam rooms, and sushi. Then we taught them how to play soccer, a sport that originated in the United States, so they could all become brilliant soccer moms like Sarah Palin.



So remember, vote Sarah Palin for President. Humor bloggers need her stupidity to keep the jokes coming. If you want more laughs, here's a link to Steve Colbert's incredibly funny clip. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/388583/june-06-2011/paul-revere-s-famous-ride



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Monday, May 16, 2011

Nah, I Won't Do That (Laughter is the Best Medicine)

Since I messed up and posted my O before my P,  I figured I could do it again with the Laughter is the Best Medicine Blog Hop. I could have called this post, Monday Hop, Laughter is the Best Medicine, or anything else now that I've set the pattern of not knowing the alphabet backwards, but it's time for N so, Nah, I won't do that.

I'm supposed to make folks laugh by blogging jokes about myself, but there is nothing about me that anyone could ever make fun of. Let's face it, I have perfectly friendly hair that reaches out to greet anyone within a foot of me. I can take a lock, wrap it around a finger, and make a perfect curl. If I don't like the direction of the curl, I just flip it the other way. It bends and stays just like a pipe cleaner. But that's not all. My hair has the magical ability to change colors every few months. Not many can do that.

Even my skin is welcoming with friendly zits that come out to say "hello" right before a major event. Yes, I am the world's oldest teenager. I bet not many women pushing fifty can brag about acne! Did I say fifty? Uh, let's make that thirty.
This is my soul

But forget about my looks. The eyes are the windows to the soul, so let's see what my soul is about. In Sharon Creech's novel, "Walk Two Moons," the teacher asked the kids to draw a picture of their soul. Here is mine:

Need I say more. Now that you've seen my soul, you know that there is nothing funny about me. I am a totally serious teacher who is about to go crazy now that it's May and the kids have quit thinking because to them school is out. So what does your soul look like. Do you dare share??