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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Dogs Make a Difference

This post is underwritten by our partner Dog Fence DIY, the most affordable resource for wireless dog fencing.

I feel sorry for petless people who have never experienced the joys of dog ownership. I've owned at least one pooch since age seven and cannot imagine life without a furry friend to help me with my emotional needs, physical well-being, and safety. 

As for emotional health, dogs provide us with unconditional love unlike any other. Imagine locking your spouse at home every day without a means to leave the house. Yes, you provided a water bowl, but you left the bathroom doors locked. "Just hold it until I'm back, Dear." Would your significant other jump up and down when you simply walked through the door? Well, if he or she had to go badly enough, there'd be jumping but not the glad to see you because I love you excitement. 

Or try feeding your kids the same meal out of a bag every day for breakfast and dinner. Would they be thankful just to see food? It sure would be easier than cooking, but they wouldn't appreciate it like your dog does. You eat your Thanksgiving meal complete with pumpkin pie in front of your dogs without offering them a bite, yet they still love you. My human family members would never be forgiving or loving like my dogs in these situations.

No one needs to dress up, wear expensive scents, shave, or even shower; dog love no matter what. And in a world like this, we need all the unconditional love we can get. With a dog, you'll never be alone, even when you use the toilet or shower. When I walk through the house, my dogs parade behind me as if I'm the most important person in the world. To them, I am.

Dogs provide great entertainment too. Dress them up in stupid costumes on Halloween and they won't complain. They make fabulous subjects for kids' school projects too. What would my kids have done about science fair if they didn't have animals to experiment on? FYI, a dog's hair grows faster than a kid's after being shaved; dogs prefer rain water to Evian; and golden retrievers do not forget where treats are hidden hours later. Also, tail hairs make great fox fur on Social Studies posters.

Dogs also improve our health. Studies have shown petting dogs lowers blood pressure and decreases anxiety. My dog has been wonderful for my back. I have a history of back problems including a surgery on my lowest disc. My small dog sleeps with her back to mine. This provides a convenient heating pad that improves my back aches in the morning. No kidding! Plus, a walk at the dog park helps my back too. How could I ever go to the dog park without a dog? Not to mention the exercise I get from my golden retriever asking me to let her outside, bring her back in, let her out again, etc. I'm up and down plenty.

On another note, dogs protect us from fierce squirrels, cats, and mailmen attacks. We often hear our vicious alarm system in stereo, but it beats calling the police after a break in.

Dogs are the best friends anyone could have, so you want to protect them from being struck by cars. Check out my sponsor to learn more about invisible fences. http://www.dogfencediy.com.


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Silly Sunday: Terrorist Plot Revealed

On my way to the mailbox, I found a note in my yard and KNOW I've uncovered a secret terrorist plot. The plan will be orchestrated by three men code named "Hot Dogs, Beer, and Yazoo." These chicken-hearted thugs are planning an offensive against farms in Avocado Heights, California. To prepare for the assault, they've worked their buns off earning bread. They've also found secret contacts in bars. Pease take heed to this dangerous message before we roast in hot soup. 

Upon further inspection, I discovered that these bad guys lure dogs into the mission through treats such as pies made with pot. Before you water down the seriousness of my find, be aware of their use of a dangerous chemical code named "Diet Coke." They've tried to smooth over the hard results of this mission by sending the Arabic greeting of peace, "Salaam." Furthermore, the Swiss have funded their attack through the sale of candy. I need to contact the FBI to inform them of how I chipped away this cheesy plan all from a note in my yard. 

So here's the note. Do you think I'm on to something?