My humorous thoughts about life.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Dating Naked

Have you heard about the new reality TV show, Dating Naked? If I can't find a bit of humor in this one, I guess I'll have to quit being a humor blogger. The premise for the show is for people to go on first dates in the nude, buff, naked, bare, stripped, etc. Of course one of the comedians was concerned about where money will be kept when they go out. Also, would the waiter really want to touch money when it comes out of storage? Fortunately, these singles on an island don't need pockets. 

I hope they use plenty of sunscreen, otherwise, those round apples might look like Jonathans. Or after looking at some naked folks, people might turn green. Naw! It's television, so they'll only choose those people with disgustingly perfect figures and no backne.

The best part about the show is that the bachelorettes won't have any problems being able to tell if the guys truly like them. As for the viewers, they just need to look for a bigger patch of blur. I wonder if they have doctors on the set. After all, the commercials say, "Please seek medical attention for an erection lasting over four hours." Bwaaaa. 

Now that naked television is the new thing, I wonder what other shows will be popping up. Be on the lookout for:

  • The Big Butt Theory
  • Under the Dong
  • Once Upon A Tit
  • Full Blouse
  • Sex With P. Diddy
  • Game of Boners
  • Knocking Up the Kardashians

Maybe How I Met Your Mother could start a new season after this show or Two and a Half Men might take on a whole new meaning.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Music From Memphis, TN

WC Handy (Father of the Blues) statue on Beale Street
He wrote the Memphis Blues.
I chose this week's Musical Monday Moves Me theme. Everyone needs to tell us where they are from and to feature music from their home town. Since I've lived in Memphis for the last 29 years, I now call this Tennessee town home. First up is a song from a young artist who was an APEX (intellectually gifted) student in Shelby County Schools where I teach. I know a couple of ladies who taught him, and I once saw him perform at one of our teacher's conferences. Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough to ask Dr. Weiner when Justin Timberlake was coming in so I could schedule my dental appointments to be "In Sync" with his visits. I never saw another one of his patients, Gennifer Goodwin, in my dentist's office, either.  

The next artist is The King. Although he died before I moved to Memphis, my father-in-law taught him how to tie a tie. My husband used to see him regularly at the Memphis Jewish Community Center after hours. He'd come out with his buddies to play basketball. Uncle Bernard Lansky, the clothier to the king, was so tight with Elvis that my husband was invited to ride in one of the limos at his funeral; however, Mitchell couldn't get home from college. Elvis Presley recorded his first record at Sun Studio in Memphis, Tennessee. Yo! Here comes Elvis.

There are many more artists with a Memphis connection. Ike and Tina Turner once owned a home not too far from where we live, Aretha Franklin brought lots of "Respect" to Memphis, Tennessee, and Rosanne Cash was born here while her father Johnny was recording at Sun Studios. Though not born in Memphis, B.B. King moved here and Isaac Hayes died here. We have become the mecca for music over the years as many artists lived here. But I know no one has ever heard of any of these people I mentioned or the many more one would find if you googled "Memphis Musicians." Not being one to post a lot of songs, I will end with one final song about our town. Marc Cohn wrote it after being touched by a visit to Memphis. He captured this place so well, that here he is. 

They even made a Memphis the Musical.
So, do you this I was being selfish when I suggested this theme 
or did I just want a chance to brag?

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Saturday, July 26, 2014

Weekend Writing Warriors 07/27/14

        Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/27/14

As a follower of the hero's journey, I always start my novels in the normal world before inviting the freak on board. Here is the beginning of my unpublished manuscript BEING BENITO CARLEFFA, before they beat Ben, killed his mom, or even served him "Gestapo" soup. Without the drama, would you keep reading after these first eight sentences? Why or why not? If not, what would you suggest? Please be honest. I can take it.


      The last bell ended my teacher’s talk on the robber barons, famous dead guys who ripped dudes off to get rich, so I stuffed Our Great Nation into my backpack. Those who didn’t want to get squashed hung under a poster of the presidents, while everyone else bolted for the door. Someone had marked up Washington with horns, earrings, and a Hitler mustache; more proof that I didn’t fit in with freshmen. 

      “You’re quiet,” Sara said. 

      I pointed at the crappy artwork. “Did you see that?” 

      “That’s hysterical!” She laughed as if something was actually funny and then wrapped her fingers around my arm.