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Showing posts with label gum chewing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gum chewing. Show all posts

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Not On My Chinny Chin Chin

Although I haven't been a gum chewer since childhood, I'm trying to get back in the habit. It's a desperate attempt for an old, fat lady to avoid the dreaded double chin. According to a Youtube video, there are many things one can do to fix this unsightly problem. I could coat my chin with a raw egg-white solution, gross. The video advised not to leave it on too long or it could cook. I could just see that in Memphis. After heading outside, eggs would permanently mold onto my face or I'd be attacked by every hungry dog in the neighborhood.

Another possibility is chin exercises. Head up, head down, tongue in, tongue, out. Kiss, kiss the ceiling. Hopefully it won't kiss back . . . especially the spot where the upstairs toilet overflowed. Actually, one is not supposed to climb chairs and put lips to the ceiling. It's just one of those blow kisses you did as a kid when you didn't want to kiss your scraggly old aunt. Of course, now I'm the ancient aunt who demands the kisses.

Let's face it, the easiest exercise of all is gum chewing. Well, it's supposed to be easy but I find it quite painful. After over an hour of straight chewing, my jaw wants to sleep. You'd think it would be no biggie after all the chewing I've done when over indulging in food, but even I don't chew that much. 

I've also had a pet peeve about gum chomping. Being next to a chomper drives me nuts. Now, I'm trying to chomp to get full benefit of that lousy stick of gum that lost all its flavor after five minutes. 

Enough rest. Time to grab a stick of sugarless. Which reminds me of the librarian from seventh grade. Ms. Lizzy Kirk would circle the library with her super powered nose. Finally, she'd catch the gum chewing culprit and sing, "Ah smmellll Juicy Fruit!"

Now, enjoy some chin singing.