Vaseline

You know the stuff! Petroleum jelly. Thick gooey blobs of grease that could be a fun horror movie special affect with a little red food coloring. With a name like "Petroleum jelly," one has to wonder where this stuff comes from. Is there a petroleum plant, run off from gasoline, or what?

Vaseline

Looking at Wikipedia, petroleum jelly is a semi-solid mixture of hydrocarbons with a melting point of about 167˚. Now I don't know about you, but I never tried to melt Vaseline. I mean if you coat your logs in Vaseline then stick them in the fire, will they burn longer? Purer? Send off healing products into the air?

The article goes on to report that Vaseline is tasteless. Thank God they told me that! I was going to spread it on my toast this morning. Also, Vaseline has no known healing effects, but rather works as a Bandaid to keep germs out. What do you use Vaseline for? On second thought, I don't want to know!

XX - The Sex

For those of you who clicked because you saw the three letter word above, get your minds out of the gutter and accept that my post is about females. Men like to call us weak, and us women let those goofballs believe it as we cleverly outsmart our male counterparts. After all, we have an extra leg of chromosome.

Remember the scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the women manipulated the man into coming up with their idea because after all, "men are smart." But that's just a movie. What about real life male smarts? I bet you don't see many women grabbing their cameras and heading out to photograph a real live tornado when the sirens go off.

I'll never forget college when a good friend had a serious problem and needed my help. He had a hole in his sock, and not one guy in his fraternity knew how to fix it. He wanted me to show him how to darn a sock. It ain't rocket science! And then there's the young man who wanted to heat a can of soup. He lit the burner and put the can on top. Nearly set the place on fire.

So when you're thinking about the intelligent sex, think females - but please don't think of Sarah Palin.

Yours: That's Succinctly Yours - The Old Chair

Grandma Goulash's Weekend Writer's Retreat

I've been challenged to write about this chair. Well, okay. I've written about sea shells, dragons, and dandruff, so surely I can come up with a word or two about a chair--from the chair's point of view. Why not?

What are you looking at? Oh, yeah. I forgot that I have gorgeous scenery out my window. Not that I ever get to look at it. Behind is my magic word. The sea is behind me. You think I ever get to hear the movement of the water or feel the wind against my velvet. All I get is a smelly behind on top of me, and these people aren't lightweights either. In fact, my velvet used to be yellow but I became so flustered from the fat gal, that I turned as orange as an Oompa Loompa. Yet I'm supposed to look pretty and pretend that I don't have the worst job in the house. 


Flush! Err, uh, correction--the second worst job in the house.

 

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