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Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Letter to Santa

                                                                                                                         November 20, 2014

Dear Santa,

            I know it’s usually kids who write to you, so I hope you don’t mind getting a letter from me. I just have a few things to talk to you about. First off, I have a question about your reindeers. Are reindeers natural flyers or do you do something magical to make them fly? If it’s a magic something, could you do it to other animals, like dogs? I think it would be pretty cool if you could make my dogs fly because when I let them out to pee, they end up digging in the dirt and tracking mud into the house.  If I could fly my dogs outside, they could pee from the air? I wonder if they’d still squat. But, I digress.
            Santa, I’m missing my fifth graders from last year. They were so much fun, and they knew how to sit still. The kids I have this year are WILD, especially the younger kids. Although it's not their fault, second grade has been a challenge because I have fourteen kids in a room that’s not much larger than those chimneys you slide down. Okay, I exaggerate, unless we’re talking about the fireplaces in Beverly Hills. Anyway, these sweet kids constantly wiggle in such a way that you’d think the room was filled with mice from the squeaking chairs. Someone is always humming, muttering, or tilting.
            One week, two kids who were “sitting” in their chairs bumped heads. Today, when gathered on the carpet, a kid started crying and his nose was bleeding. In trying to figure out what had happened, we discovered that he accidentally kneed himself in the nose. To make matters worse, a little coal gatherer secretly made fun of him by pretending to whack himself in the nose with his knee. As the teacher, I firmly told him to stop. But I confess, I then did everything I could to keep from bursting out laughing. Success!

            So Santa, for Christmas, I was wondering if you could help me to calm the kids down by supplying Ritalin licks on the playground. Not that I want to drug my kids, but maybe they could just get a shot of something to settle down. Okay. I guess that might be a bad idea, so instead maybe you could get something to help me to calm down?
            Have a very Merry Christmas and hug all your elves for me.


P.S. Don't forget to enter my contest to win a free watch. I know you need to keep track of time. The link is at the top of the blog.


Binky said...

Or you could just have some candy and chocolate to speed yourself up to their level of hyperactivity.

Masshole Mommy said...

My oldest is in 5th grade this year and I think it's a really fun age.

shelly said...

Loved this! Flying and peeing dogs. Hahahahaha !

Optimistic Existentialist said...

You sure know how to write a Santa letter :) have a great weekend, Joy :)

messymimi said...

Yep, he's mixed up a couple of my orders, too! Funny stuff.

mail4rosey said...

Santa's always mixing that slim body/full bank account thing up for me too. ;)

Shared your watch giveaway on FB. I'll go share it on Twitter too.

Pat Hatt said...

Bet santa found that to be his most original letter of the year haha

Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Good one.

Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. :)

Marcia Shaw Wyatt said...

I hope Santa gets your letter ... and if he responds, I hope you'll post it because I'm sure it will be as entertaining as your letter was to him. :) Loved this - thanks very much for the laugh.

Rory Bore said...

salt licks - oh my word, I nearly spat out my coffee. I definitely could have used those in my Sunday School class this morning. I don't know what all my Kindergarten kids had for breakfast, but good gracious - if there had been chandeliers: they would have swung from them.
Let me know what he brings you for calming purposes :)

Magical Mystical MiMi said...

Hahahahaha! I'm still waitin' on that fat bank account and skinny body too! Happy Sunday.. Stopping by from Sandee's place, Comedy Plus.

Thalia Graves said...

I'm grateful that I no longer care about having a slim body. All bodies are good bodies. If someone doesn't like my ample butt, they can find something else to look at!
I will take the fat bank account, though.

Sarah E. Albom said...

Haha, love your letter. I am a helper at Brownies (the younger age category for Girl Guides) but they're all relatively well-behaved, which is great. When I'm needed to help with Pippins (the even younger age category) though, that's a nightmare.

Rhonda Albom said...

What I need from Santa this year is just a bit more time - so I wouldn't be so late in reading these. I am also long over the slim body.

J Lenni Dorner said...

Flying dogs so they didn't get dirty paws sounds like a great idea.

Your post was certainly silly. Great job.

I couldn't figure out Feedburner or Picket Fence, so I didn't manage those in the contest. Got the rest. 746 Cherry and Black -- that's a sweet watch!!! I'd love to get one for my brother.