Silly Sunday: Thanksgiving Divorce

Here's another one that's been floating around awhile. Whatever works! For more fun, hop over to Rhonda's and join her Silly Sunday Hop.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. 

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

#GBE2 Parenting & Children

Having successfully raised three kids, I'm an expert on child rearing so was thrilled about this week's GBE2 prompt giving me the chance to offer parenting advice. Sorry for the length of the article, but I have a lot of wisdom to share.

Good parenting starts in infancy or even before--dump the beer and cigs, lady--you're pregnant! Once you make it through morning sickness, you might as well pay attention to that little tax deduction. In fact, crying is their only means of communication, so ignoring the bambino is like saying, "You're not important." Don't teach them that!

When our kids were infants, I'd get dressed, put on the snuggle sack and papoose the babies all day every day. It was a constant hug and rub of the back for those special bundles. Then I had back surgery. Would I do it again? You betcha, but with regular visits to the chiropractor.

Those were the days!

Once the kiddos got older, we disciplined them; however, my husband and I never hit or even spanked any of our children (with the exception of the smart mouthed teen who got a playful smack on the tush). That's not to say we didn't use corporal punishment. If they disobeyed, we wouldn't let them brush their teeth. Usually the threat was enough to prevent the rule breaking. No joke. With toddlers, it's all a matter of perspective, and you can twist it any way you like.

I often let instincts take over in child raising. For example, my two year old son ran into the street and missed getting hit by a truck. Many parents would spank a kid who does this, but not me. Instead I grabbed that baby boy and hugged him tightly while boo hooing like a sissy. "I thought I was going to lose you. I don't know what I would've done because I love you so much." Now he's twenty-three years old and still has not run into the street, I hope. He does like to go bar hopping in Charleston.

Ever wonder about tantrums? Shortly after our youngest was born, our middle child went through a "stage." Instead of ignoring the tantrum, I restrained her thrashing arms and legs and told her, "I love you and won't let go until you calm down."

Thirty minutes later, sweat covered my body and I was out of breath, but I had a calm child who hugged me tightly. We repeated the scene, two more times. The second time took fifteen minute and the third, five. After that, we never saw a tantrum again. At least from the kids. ;-)

My tantrums weren't too bad. In fact, I kept my cool even when that toddler girl cried as she held out her finger. I said, "Mommy will kiss the finger," and I put my lips all over it.

Next she said, "I pee peed on my finger."

Alex Ginsburg is a great photographer!

Kissing pee is mild compared to what happens in the teenage years, remember, I slapped one. Once I caught my darling daughter digging through my closet. "What are you looking for?" I asked.

She said, "Tomorrow is dress like a loser day, so I was looking for something to wear."
 
Uh, huh. Teens are great for one's self esteem. If you'd like to read more of my parenting wisdom, Empower Your Children will show you how to help your eleven year old develop skills to land him a job after college. I hope you'll read it because it's the best thing we ever did for our kids!

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Wordless Wednesday: She's Gone!

 

 

I remember sitting in the limousine at my father's funeral procession. While everyone around me wept, I felt a heaviness in my heart and couldn't speak. That's what it felt like when my youngest daughter left for college. "Heavy heart" is not just an expression. It's a real biological response that goes beyond tears.

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