Writer's Post: Brain + Mouth = No Filter

                                                                                   

This week's writer's topic, Brain + Mouth = No Filter could have something to do with why my kids' boyfriends and girlfriends are afraid of me. Hey, I'm not awful, just blunt. Was it that bad when I told my daughter, "We no longer need to check your boyfriend's circumcision," after he did an outstanding job reading Hebrew at the Passover seder? Don't blame me; she didn't have to tell him what I said. And then they broke up. Actually, the breakup was much later than that, but I wonder if dating advice books mention mothers.     

Either way, I think our host Karen Smith at Magical Mystical Mimi was thinking more along the lines of what kids say, such as when a friend of mine taught her young daughter the correct terminology for body parts. This was fine until the girl crawled under a bathroom stall and shouted, "Mommy! I just saw that women's vagina."  

When your kid says things like that, it's better to avoid public restrooms and use your own toilet. Here's a link incase you're interested in purchasing one to avoid embarrassment in public facilities. ;)    

                                                                                                                       

#GBE2: If I had my life to live over...

This topic is supposed to be filled with the age old wisdom of one who's tasted the ups and downs of life and has now matured to a quiet understanding. Yeah, right!

If I had my life to live over, there are a few things I might do differently:

(1) I would not have cried softly in Kindergarten after not getting to pet the snake but rather stood up boldly and announced, "Hey! You missed me!"

(2) Everyday in second grade, a classmate asked me to lend her a dime. Being timid, I gave it to her while knowing she'd never give it back. I probably gave her at least $2 - $3, with the interest rate from the sixties and adjustment for inflation... Hmm. I need to send her a bill or at least link this post to her Facebook page to prove I'm no longer that wimp.

(3) In a do over, I would have pitched a fit and refused to wear that polyester, light blue gym uniform because my mom didn't want to spend $7 to buy me a new one. In my childhood, a parent's "No" meant no without an argument, but that was important enough that in hindsight, I should have fought it or paid for a red one myself. That embarrassing uniform with my sister's initials scarred me for life! This morning, I searched the internet for a uniform as ugly as that one. I couldn't find anything THAT bad.

(4) I didn't need to date him or be intimate, but I wish I would have gotten to know him as he stood in the corner with his fraternity buddies and radiated his handsomeness. It might have been enriching to have become his good friend and vicariously enjoyed his rise to fame and fortune. He missed his chance. Brad Pitt and I went our separate ways.

I should have said, "Hello" as she sunbathed in front of her sorority house across the street, but Sheryl Crow also missed the chance to know me. We were all just kids not knowing which one of us was going places. If I would have listened to my professor and majored in education like he told me to do, I probably would have known her well. Ironically, I'm a teacher and she is not.

I know Yakov Smirnoff, and he's more fun than Brad Pitt and Sheryl Crow put together.

(5) When my husband gave me a compound sentence, "Will you marry me and live in Memphis?" maybe I should have negotiated the Memphis thing. Yes, I love him, but back when, I didn't quite get the full picture of what he was asking for. This red state of Tennessee can be a bit much. At least as of last Thursday, I no longer have a uterus for them to mess with.

Oh, Beth meant big stuff like career decisions, etc? I'm sure I never interpret her challenges the way she intends us to. Honestly, I don't have a clue about that. It's far too deep for me.