Happy birthday to Daniel, my favorite son.
Listen
up, ladies. Have I got the guy for you. He's smart, good looking, and
single. Since today is my son's twenty-fifth birthday, it's time to find
him a wife. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a
pathetic loser who's short on women, he has plenty of dates. They just
aren't my type.
Daniel likes Barbie
dolls--beautiful, blonde, high-healed women who are definitely not
kosher. I think this obsession with Barbies started in preschool when he
played with his sisters' dolls in the bathtub. He'd grab them by the
waist and fly them through the air while making airplane noises. In the
end, the poor Barbies would crash into the wall and maybe lose their
empty heads. Don't worry, ladies. He's always a gentleman with living women.
Anyway, my son needs a nice Jewish girl with a kind heart,
intelligence, and an excellent sense of humor. She'd have to have one to
fit into our family. Plus, liberal wouldn't hurt! Send me your resume,
that is if I'm still alive after posting letter F, which also stands for
Mom FAIL.
I think this kid just might have my sense of humor too. Plus, he has...
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| Strong muscles, |
 |
| a winning smile, |
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| and a big brain. |
