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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous Thoughts About Life & Teaching"
Showing posts with label soccer moms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soccer moms. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Soccer Mom

Years ago, I spent many evenings and several weekends on the side of soccer fields watching my son play. On a visit to Nashville, I revived my soccer mom roll by attending a
Victorious Secret Game. The players have changed quite a bit as well as the climate of the game. My son's team grabbed any pink shirt as they held back to keep from showing up their less skilled opponents. A highlight of the game came when a player tried to kick a ball into goal, but instead, the defender kneed the ball back at him. 

"My nuts! He got me in the nuts!" The young man hollered.

So at the end of the game, I did what any soccer mom would do. I asked him, "How are your nuts?"

He went into more details than I needed to know about his nuts, which are fine. 

Final score: Victorious Secrets 4 / Other team 1

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Paul Revere and Other Myths

Our Next President?
I recently had a story published in AppleSeeds Magazine about Paul Revere's ride. According to Sarah Palin, I got my facts all wrong. Paul Revere rode up and down the streets ringing a bell to warn the British that we were going to lock and load. What's even more amazing is that I actually met someone who tried to convince me that Palin was right! If that's the case, we can change all kinds of historical events to meet our needs. Hmm.

Did you know that our fore fathers started the electoral college not because they believed the commoner wasn't smart enough to vote but because starting a college would get them more prestige, better paying jobs, and noticed by the ladies? That's right. Unknown to the public, the electoral college is actually a place of higher learning. Where else would folks learn how to make those powdered wigs?

And the crimes of taking over land from the Indians is all a myth too. They gave it to us because they liked how we taught them how to hunt, fish, and pop popcorn. We even showed them how to add sugar, salt, and preservatives to make this healthy food stick to ones insides and make one fat. Next, Indians enjoyed pilgrim led aerobics instruction.

 We were also overly kind to our Japanese citizens during World War II. We sent them off to fine spas where they got to enjoy saunas, steam rooms, and sushi. Then we taught them how to play soccer, a sport that originated in the United States, so they could all become brilliant soccer moms like Sarah Palin.

So remember, vote Sarah Palin for President. Humor bloggers need her stupidity to keep the jokes coming. If you want more laughs, here's a link to Steve Colbert's incredibly funny clip.

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