Beyond the Limits of My Fridge

This week's Writer's Post Blog Hop #11 

is 

Beyond the Limits

It's soooo big, it takes a moving van to bring it home.

My mind probably isn't going where Jenn intended, but why should this week be different than any other?

I just got back from Costco's where I was supposed to do two things: (1) Take back the pants in the backseat of my car that are too big and (2) Buy candy for my class. Of course I did neither. I remembered the pants while strolling out the door, but with Memphis' 91* weather, I decided my fudge bars wouldn't appreciate alone time in the trunk.

The infamous "they" say to never shop when hungry, and Mr. They is right! I bought strawberries, blueberries, a massive package of pizza rolls all because I was hungry and it looked good . . . even though these things go "beyond the limits" of what my fridge holds. 

To make room, I could throw out the moldy something in the back, a jar of pickle relish (everyone here hates sweet pickles), or the half-eaten yogurt that's probably reproduced since it contains "Live Cultures." What does live cultures mean anyway? 

The item that really goes beyond our limits is the big a$$ pizza I bought--pesto, tomatoes, chunks of whitish-yellow cheese, and green leafy things. Yum! Never mind the fact that our household is down to two. It looked good, and repeat after me: I was hungry.

This Costco pizza is sooooo huge, it goes beyond the limits of my fridge and must move directly from car to oven; but, Houston we have a problem. When I tried to lift it into the oven, it cracked on the side and rained chunks of cheese, tomatoes, and those leafy green things onto the rack and beyond. So here I was, scooping up sizzling ingredients off the bottom of the oven. No doubt, it will stick, burn, and make a horrid mess. 

Will I buy it again? Probably. 

Why? Because One day I'll be hungry! 

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment, (((hugs))), and a click on the picket fence. And if you're in town, stop by for some pizza . . . unless, burp! Maybe I should keep the pants that are too big. 

Paul Revere and Other Myths

Our Next President?

I recently had a story published in AppleSeeds Magazine about Paul Revere's ride. According to Sarah Palin, I got my facts all wrong. Paul Revere rode up and down the streets ringing a bell to warn the British that we were going to lock and load. What's even more amazing is that I actually met someone who tried to convince me that Palin was right! If that's the case, we can change all kinds of historical events to meet our needs. Hmm.

Did you know that our fore fathers started the electoral college not because they believed the commoner wasn't smart enough to vote but because starting a college would get them more prestige, better paying jobs, and noticed by the ladies? That's right. Unknown to the public, the electoral college is actually a place of higher learning. Where else would folks learn how to make those powdered wigs?

And the crimes of taking over land from the Indians is all a myth too. They gave it to us because they liked how we taught them how to hunt, fish, and pop popcorn. We even showed them how to add sugar, salt, and preservatives to make this healthy food stick to ones insides and make one fat. Next, Indians enjoyed pilgrim led aerobics instruction.

 We were also overly kind to our Japanese citizens during World War II. We sent them off to fine spas where they got to enjoy saunas, steam rooms, and sushi. Then we taught them how to play soccer, a sport that originated in the United States, so they could all become brilliant soccer moms like Sarah Palin.

So remember, vote Sarah Palin for President. Humor bloggers need her stupidity to keep the jokes coming. If you want more laughs, here's a link to Steve Colbert's incredibly funny clip. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/388583/june-06-2011/paul-revere-s-famous-ride



If you like Catch My Words, please click on the white picket fence or the snippet. Thanks!

Oh, No. Not Again

I leave my Skype on in case my daughter who is over seas wants to chat; however, I repeatedly find odd messages from a Russian dating site. Yes, I'm of Russian decent, but I'm also married, female, and straight. No matter how many times I block these lonely hearts, they still find a way to send me bizarre messages like the one below.

Greetings dear! I'm not a deer, moose, or elk. I do respond to dear from some folks but usually they are people I'm intimate with or of the older generation.

I'm Marina. I live in Russian Federation. Having never met you, do I really care what your name is or where you live?
Do you know that the most attractive ladies in the world live in my country? That's true! Of course it is! My ancestors were from Russia, so I must be a most attractive lady. Thanks for the compliment.
I invite you to a very good international dating site where hundreds of lone I am searching forly hearts are looking for their future lovers. What makes this a good site? If it's that good, why are you trying to gain business from strangers who are totally out of this arena? Besides, what is a "lone I am searching forly hearts" mean? Does this person need a heart transplant. Ah! That's it. The woman is Russian and needs a heart from someone who is also of Russian decent. Sorry, lady. I'm heartless. And looking for future lovers? I already blogged about how I like my present one.
I dream about meeting a charming one I am searching for for longterm relations or even marriage. I'm charming! Thanks again, but keep keep searching. I'm married.

Are you the one I am searching for? ;) That's a H*&L No!