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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts

Thursday, February 14, 2013

#GBE2: The Crowd

She munches a skinny sprig of celery and then sends it to her personal jacuzzi. 
Or perhaps, she'll pretend to enjoy an apple--a starter food that avoids the crowd as it churns to oblivion before it rains 
                              peanut butter crackers

                  The storm always comes. 

Still trying to stay healthy with a bit of protein, she searches for the perfect snack. 
But a healthy treat is not what she craves--
only a filler to stall a rising crowd in her acid pool

Chocolate cookies
Ice cream
Soda pop

Oh nos!

There's no turning back once "the crowd" sends her butt to the Lane Bryant store.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Writer's Post: Misdirected Ambition

Many ambitious people strive to be the best, but sometimes ambition can be misdirected. I hope y'all enjoy my post on choice winners for ambition, along with my writer's privilege to stretch the truth. ;-)

 In New Orleans, lives Aevin Dugas who sports overly ambitious hair with the world's largest afro. Her hair measures a circumference of four feet, four inches long. Heck! I have students that size, but I wouldn't want them stuck to my head. Having super-sized hair includes a few problems. For example, once Ms. Dugas got her hair stuck in a car door. After that, her son, who was waiting in the car, thought it was a rat and beat it with his little league glove. At least he didn't have it stuck in his drink like the dude at the bar.

Another winner is a bozo named Scotty Kay who wanted to set the record for getting the most women to kick him in the nuts. At least we don't have to worry about him passing his idiot genes to future generations. Check this out. Is that ambitious or just plane stupid?

And if that isn't enough, here's ambition with Michel Lotito, also known as Monsieur Mangetout, who holds the record for the largest meal ever eaten. This dude ate a Cessna 150 airplane. Unfortunately, after eating the plane, he heard a mysterious voice from his insides. Apparently, he'd accidentally swallowed a passenger who'd fallen asleep and missed deplaning. So the moral of this story–next time you fly–STAY AWAKE!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Beyond the Limits of My Fridge

This week's Writer's Post Blog Hop #11 
Beyond the Limits

It's soooo big, it takes a moving van to bring it home.

My mind probably isn't going where Jenn intended, but why should this week be different than any other?

I just got back from Costco's where I was supposed to do two things: (1) Take back the pants in the backseat of my car that are too big and (2) Buy candy for my class. Of course I did neither. I remembered the pants while strolling out the door, but with Memphis' 91* weather, I decided my fudge bars wouldn't appreciate alone time in the trunk.

The infamous "they" say to never shop when hungry, and Mr. They is right! I bought strawberries, blueberries, a massive package of pizza rolls all because I was hungry and it looked good . . . even though these things go "beyond the limits" of what my fridge holds. 

To make room, I could throw out the moldy something in the back, a jar of pickle relish (everyone here hates sweet pickles), or the half-eaten yogurt that's probably reproduced since it contains "Live Cultures." What does live cultures mean anyway? 

The item that really goes beyond our limits is the big a$$ pizza I bought--pesto, tomatoes, chunks of whitish-yellow cheese, and green leafy things. Yum! Never mind the fact that our household is down to two. It looked good, and repeat after me: I was hungry.

This Costco pizza is sooooo huge, it goes beyond the limits of my fridge and must move directly from car to oven; but, Houston we have a problem. When I tried to lift it into the oven, it cracked on the side and rained chunks of cheese, tomatoes, and those leafy green things onto the rack and beyond. So here I was, scooping up sizzling ingredients off the bottom of the oven. No doubt, it will stick, burn, and make a horrid mess. 

Will I buy it again? Probably. 
Why? Because One day I'll be hungry! 

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment, (((hugs))), and a click on the picket fence. And if you're in town, stop by for some pizza . . . unless, burp! Maybe I should keep the pants that are too big.