#MM: Misheard Lyrics

These are a hoot.

#WW Sephora

On a recent trip to Sephora, I noticed 

some products with interesting names.

I tried the sample, but didn't feel a thing. It must have been defective. I wonder if one should return this product if unfulfilled.

It wasn't.

I once had a parent who liked to use big words to show how he was so smart. When requested at an IEP meeting, he told us, "I cannot attend the IEP tryst." It must be because I didn't wear this makeup. 

Don't Mess With Psychologists

See that clock winding down at the side of my blog. Summer vacation is approaching quickly, and I can't wait. This has been quite a year. Not only have I taught, but I've also been up to my neck referring kids for psychological testing for the gifted program at my school. In Tennessee, bright kids are sheltered under the special education umbrella and it's been raining paperwork all year. I have one IEP meeting left and no one else to be tested at the moment.

Testing has changed quite a bit over the years. Back in 1925, when

Dogfish

my dad entered kindergarten, he had to take a test with a psychologist to see what class to put him in. Some lady held up heads and bodies of various animals and told him to match them. My dad thought the test was soooo stupid that he decided to have "fun" with the psychologist. He mixed the animal heads with various non-matching bodies, all the while chuckling to himself. The joke was on Dear Old Dad when he spent his first day of school in a class filled with rockers and droolers. The moral of the story: Don't mess with psychologists. 

#WW : Party Time!

Brush with Fame

While traveling to be with the family on Thanksgiving, we were entertained by this steward doing this exact routine. So THAT'S why several people asked to take selfies with him! I never laughed so hard on an airplane. Check him out.

#MM: The People of Walmart

I'm sexy and I know it!

Feeling like posting something tacky tonight. I just need to be careful what I wear the next time I step foot into Walmart. I don't want to be in a video like this, again. Bwahahaha. Can you pick me out? 

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#WW : It's Pat

What is it?

Facts About a Dangerous Chemical

The dangerous chemical dihydrogen monoxide needs to be banned, and here is why:

1.  It can be chemically synthesized by burning rocket fuel.

2.  Over consumption can cause excessive sweating, urination, and even death.

3.  One-hundred percent of all serial killers, rapist, and drug dealers have ingested this chemical.

4.  It contains one of the primary ingredients in herbicides and pesticides.

5.  It is the leading cause of drowning.

6.  One-hundred percent of people exposed to this substance will die.

The facts speak for themselves, it's time to ban dihydrogen monoxide!

On a similar note:
Two guys walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have H20."

The second guy says, "I'll have H20, too."

He died.

Dating Naked

Have you heard about the new reality TV show, Dating Naked? If I can't find a bit of humor in this one, I guess I'll have to quit being a humor blogger. The premise for the show is for people to go on first dates in the nude, buff, naked, bare, stripped, etc. Of course one of the comedians was concerned about where money will be kept when they go out. Also, would the waiter really want to touch money when it comes out of storage? Fortunately, these singles on an island don't need pockets. 

I hope they use plenty of sunscreen, otherwise, those round apples might look like Jonathans. Or after looking at some naked folks, people might turn green. Naw! It's television, so they'll only choose those people with disgustingly perfect figures and no backne.

The best part about the show is that the bachelorettes won't have any problems being able to tell if the guys truly like them. As for the viewers, they just need to look for a bigger patch of blur. I wonder if they have doctors on the set. After all, the commercials say, "Please seek medical attention for an erection lasting over four hours." Bwaaaa. 

Now that naked television is the new thing, I wonder what other shows will be popping up. Be on the lookout for:

• The Big Butt Theory
• Under the Dong
• Once Upon A Tit
• Full Blouse
• Sex With P. Diddy
• Game of Boners
• Knocking Up the Kardashians

Maybe How I Met Your Mother could start a new season after this show or Two and a Half Men might take on a whole new meaning.