Happy Birthday, Mitchell!

Today is my husband's birthday. He says he's 48, but I know better. I mean if you're going to lie about your age, you need to make it a good one: like 34 or 29. I like to lie upwards. After all, I bet I look great for 74! Anyway, happy birthday, Mitchell. He has been a wonderful husband of almost 25 years, and he's not sick of me yet. Amazing!

Jayhawks - :p #AtoZ

The Fruity Bird

I started my hate affair with those nasty Jayhawks while attending the University of Missouri, and it only grew more intense in 2008 when Kansas beat the University of Memphis Tigers in the National Championship in overtime. To make matters worse, an annoying fan over did it with extreme obnoxiousness after that game. If I didn't despise them before, I totally do now.

But other than that, what is that thing they call a mascot? Since when is a cartoon character the spiritual leader of a team? Oooowh, scawry biwrd with its fwruity wred and blwue featherws. I can just see it pecking at a tiger or stomping on a bear. I like to tease my daughter about her terrapin mascot, Maryland's "Fear the Turtle," but at least Testudo looks fierce. Big Jay belongs on Sesame Street with the other Big Bird. And just like the eight foot Big Bird, who also has an identity crisis, in the animal kingdom, Jayhawks don't exist. It's made of a cross between a blue jay and a sparrow hawk. The former is loud while the other is quiet, which means Big Jay is schizo. Do Jayhawks hear voices in their tiny heads? I don't even want to know.

Unless you are a Kansas fan, I'll see you tomorrow when I tackle the letter K . . . and it won't be about Kansas. :p

Idiot Drivers #AtoZ

You've seen the usuals--Miss Mascara-Lady brushing her lashes at the green light or Mr. Beer Guzzler weaving in and out of his lane. But one of the worst drivers I ever met was Mr. I'm-Not-Going-to-Drive-Fast-But-You-Can't-Pass-Me-Either. Have you met him? He was eighty years old and wanted to make sure I drove at a safe speed. Flying down the highway's passing lane at a whopping 40 mph, he made his Chevy rattle. As soon as an opportunity opened to pass on the right, Mr. Annoying floored it. I mean this dude drove a number that matched his age, and there was no passing him. Then, as soon as traffic clogged the right, he slowed back to forty. Was this guy for real? Lucky for him, I'm not a lulu with a gun because a Road Rager would have blasted his little gray head.


Unfortunately, he's not the only idiot driver on the road. After circling a parking lot twice, I finally found a person ready to leave. So I put my blinker on and waited a good distance back to allow the driver room to back up. Miss Rude Idiot had already driven way past this spot and missed it. Tough luck; get over it! But nooo. After seeing my signal, she put her car in reverse and blocked the person trying to back out of MY spot. Oh yes she did. And she was determined not to move until I backed up and gave her MY spot. If it weren't for the person being held captive in the lot, I would have stayed all night, but I couldn't do that to him. I'm sure she caused road rage and got hers eventually.

Years ago, I decided to do my best to control my blood pressure when idiot drivers are near. Okay, not totally. I still get frustrated when I can't turn right on red . . . not because of a sign, but due to the idiot driver who's blocking my lane. But when push comes to shove, pun intended, will this person's actions matter tomorrow? Should I really allow them that much control over my emotions? Of course not! I should just throw a rock at their car and drive off. --Just kidding.