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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"

Sunday, February 5, 2012

#GBE2: Upset

Today's GBE2 topic is "upset," which if not done correctly could be a downer. Not feeling like posting a blah-blah-life-sucks piece, I present you with excerpts from three of my unpublished novels.

No real people have been harmed in the writing of these stories.

Hope you have a laugh!

From: Don't Eat the Chipmunks by Joyce P. Lansky
      Last night, me and the guys tiptoed to Adam’s bunk where his chlorine-bleached hair spread across his pillow in a do like a dead chia pet's. We played dot to dot with his freckles--just in case he wasn't dorky enough already. When he got up, the kid scrubbed his face pink but still looked like a road map.
Was Adam upset? Of course not because I didn't write him that way.
From: Being Bompsy Carleffa by Joyce P. Lansky

            Gil placed tomato-based soup in front of each of us. When I blew and sipped it off my spoon, I was shocked. Cold soup? All this money, and these people can't heat the soup?
            Do you like the gazpacho?” Fiso asked. 
             I dropped my spoon on the table. Why would he mention the Gestapo? What was he, a modern day Nazi? Sure, doesn't everyone like murderers? Sick. This guy's really sick! 
Yes! Ben was upset, but he stays upset throughout the novel. What do you expect? His dead dad turned out to be an alive mobster who has kidnapped him.
And finally, in case you haven't read enough, here's a little something from my WIP (Work in Progress).
From: Mrs. Zimmerman's Donuts by Joyce P. Lansky
Slater’s mom pulled a chisel-shaped knife out of the top drawer and leaned her head back. With the precision of a surgeon, she gently slid the blade downward until it disappeared into her throat. Next she thrust it out with one gigantic swing. Blood covered the blade while red liquid filled her mouth. Her eyes rounded as her lips curved into a smug smile. She winked at me! Blood gushed out of her mouth, and she winked! While the room spun in oval circles, I couldn’t decide if she was crazy or if I needed the loony bin.
When a thick, red droplet dribbled down her chin, I squeezed the back of a chair and stepped backwards. My pulse pounded in my ears, and I worried that I might hurl at any moment.
“You’re b-bleeding.” I gripped the chair with my other hand too until my knuckles went as white as Mom’s had when she drove me home after I’d gotten in trouble the other day. “Hospital. We need to t-take you to the h-hospital!”
Slater, Calfie, and Mrs. Slatker laughed so hard tears filled their eyes.
“What are you laughing at? I think she’s really hurt!” I plopped into a chair, put my elbow on the table, and leaned my head into my palm. “I don’t feel so good.”
“It’s fake, Knob,” Slater said in between chuckles. “She squirted fake blood in her mouth!”
“The blade’s fake too.” Mrs. Slatker placed the knife on the table then wiped her mouth with a paper towel. The knife had a squeezable handle and juice filled holes on the blade. “Sorry to scare you, but we like our little jokes around here.

If you are an interested agent or editor, feel free to contact me.


Binky said...

This is probably how the soup Nazi got his start.

Maggie said...

Lol Binky...the soup Nazi.


Donna said...

I'm so freaking slow. It only JUST dawned on me who you are. Ugh! Bompsy did it of course, still freaking love the concept of that book! Yes though, I've kinda been out of the whole webook thing, I just saw way to many smart ass critiques to obviously young writers and it started pissing me off. Guess I was just in a mood lol

danneromero said...

Upset in a funny way. Great pieces. Keep sharing, Joyce.

Claudia Moser said...


Unknown said...

great work - thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...


Brenda Stevens said...

i did

Jenn said...

Excellent excerpts!

Unknown said...

Love the spin on "upset". You managed to make "upset" amusing as I knew you would!! Great job as always Joyce!


Paula Martin said...

Great excerpts - love the fake knife! But I'd kill anyone who played a trick like that on me!

k~ said...

Thanks for sharing part of your completed works, it's fun to take a peek between the pages.

Anonymous said...

How fun! Would love to read the completed stories!

Rhonda said...

Fun story excerpts. Can't decide which is my favorite.