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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

#GBE2 : Parody

This week's GBE2 topic is "Parody," which is hard since my favorite movies are those that make fun of serious ones. So I figure I'll have to take a serious topic in my life and get a laugh out of it. Why should this post be different than any others?

My gynecologist and I are working to make fun summer plans. See I've got this growth in my uh-hm that's the size of a red, ripe, juicy strawberry--although it's shaped more like Charlie Brown's head than Stewie Griffin's.

Charlie Brown
Stewie Griffin
This little bugger bear not only makes my stomach protrude like a pregnant woman's, but it has also caused a bloody bad time along with tummy aches. However, my hormones indicate I'm still well within my baby making years.

"NOOOO!" I don't wanna go birthin' no babies. So, I've decided to kiss my female parts goodbye and undergo a hysterectomy.

Now if they take away my female parts, am I still a female? I don't anticipate growing chest hair and swinging on vines, since the male parts won't be there either. Maybe I should change my name to Pat. 

As an adrogynous person, I wouldn't have to wear dresses or paint my toe nails--not that I do anyway. I wouldn't have to style my hair nor wear make up. But most importantly, I'll surely lose ten pounds when they take this organ out? See I carried three babies in it, with the heaviest kid being over eight pounds, plus the placenta. A flimsy little organ could never carry that much baby weight, could it? Maybe getting rid of these used auto parts isn't such a bad idea after all. However, why is it called a HYSterectomy? Shouldn't it be a HERsterectomy?

Until next time,


Anonymous said...


Theresa Mahoney said...

Losing 10lbs? Lol, What a positive spin on your hysterectomy! Hope the surgery all goes smooth for you!

Paula Martin said...

I knew you'd find a fun way to look at this, Joyce. Hope all goes well - and do let us know if you lose those ten pounds!

Jo said...

Leave it to me to be the bearer of not such great news. I had a hersterectomy a few (read many) years ago. I also assumed I would drop a few pounds, automatically. Well, the doc tells me, "Most women gain an avg. of 10# following this procedure. The change in hormone levels seems to be the key." I was on HRT for 12 years, high doses and gradually weened myself off. I didn't gain weight until a few years later, but I could NOT lose what I put on. I finally went on a good structured program to change my eating habits and get healthy. That worked and I am maintaining within a few pounds now. sorry, sweety, it's probably gonna be a little different than you anticipate. BUT I have never wished I had passed up the opportunity to enter menopause! I'm so far on the other side now, I can hardly even remember it. I did lose my thermostat though. I am hot or cold most of the time. Very rarely am I just right.

There are those who say I never was just right, so.........

Anonymous said...

If anyone could find the bright side of surgery, it would be you! My thoughts and prayers go with you and I promise not to tease you *too much* if you transform into Pat's twin sister. Brother?

Brenda Stevens said...

:Bloody right on" lol oh you will feel OH SO MUCH BETTER AND never have to be bloody spot on again!! hehe! ((hugs)) its our "right"...midlife's blessing..and PSSSSSST (don't change your name) LOLOL

Binky said...

Can't you just download an upgrade?

Catch My Words said...

With the research I've read, I'm seriously considering keeping my ovaries. I plan to discuss this option with my doctor.

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you. Been there, done that. I'll have to second both Jo and Brenda. They're both right! XOXO

Self Sagacity said...

I am still trying to loose weight, never thought I would be saying that -being always skinny.
Getting a headstart this week. :-)
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Amy Morgan said...

Good luck to you for smooth sailing this summer. My thoughts will be with you!

danneromero said...

I hope all is well, Joyce. I am a menopauser, dealing with hot flashes.. So fun.

Unknown said...

Good luck with your surgery Joyce. I hope all goes well for you. Prayers for a quick recovery.


Anonymous said...

Best of luck with your surgery, Joyce. I'm sure everything will go smoothly.

Hahaha! Hersorectomy! Us women go through soooo much!

Jenn said...

"My gynecologist and I are working to make fun summer plans" As soon as I read that I thought, "only Joyce could find fun in going to the gynecologist"... LMAO.

Anyway--as long as you are not singing an octave lower (get it?) then I'm sure you'll still be a lady.. no worries. Hoping all goes well with the surgery. Can't wait for the follow up blog about all the fun you've had!! LOL!!

Cheers, Jenn.