Funny Fail?

I have a knock knock joke.

You go first.

Let's try that again.

Knock knock
Whose their?
Hard.
Hard who?
Hard to be funny with so much on my mind.

I was in the doctor's office two weeks ago, and he diagnosed me with Diabetes. It's a combination between genetics, high levels of stress, and bad eating as a result.

I've had an incredibly stressful year. If all my coworkers were to throw their health problems into a box and shake, the box would explode. That is if they stuck around long enough to watch. One by one, many have quit. Those of us who have stuck it out have suffered from high blood pressure, shingles, and now let's add my Diabetes to the list.

As for the dreaded diagnosis, I've been expecting it for some time. After all, genetics loads the gun and life style pulls the trigger. My dad was diagnosed when he was around my age and under going a lawsuit from his business. In many ways, I am my dad in that I'm a worrier who wants to please. Interestingly enough, I've had a lot of dreams recently that involve Dad being with me. Although he died in 1993, I've never stopped missing him. I guess we never do.

Looking at dream analysis sites, dreaming about one's father hints at a need for protection. This makes sense because Dad was always looking out for me. With me being only 31 when he died, I felt cheated; however, I've since gotten over these feelings by talking to people about their dads. I was better off with my father for 31 years than theirs for 62.

Dad never hit me, but I believed he would. He told me to do that with my kids.

Unfortunately, although we never even spanked our children, we could not pull off the believed fear that we would. As for me, I've only successfully beaten the crap out of fictional characters. Does that mean the violence is in me? I could claim that to scare my kids, but it's too late. They are adults, and I'd have a hard time convincing them that they'll be going over my knee for their insolence. By the way, my kids' favorite thing to do is to tell "You're mama" jokes in front of me, but I'm being ADD, again.

The good thing about my dreams of Dad is that at night he shows up walking. Dad lost both of his legs to Diabetes. Mom, on the other hand, never had severe problems with her Diabetes. I hope to keep the disease under control. I've lost five pounds in the last few weeks and plan to lose more. Plus, I will be eligible to retire in a couple of years. Pray that I can hang in there long enough to receive full benefits for thirty years on the job. It's hard to believe just how close I am.

As a side note, you may look forward to reading about how I abuse my characters after I retire and have time to focus on getting published.

Silly Sunday: Parenting Advice

As a parent who has successfully raised three wonderful kids to adulthood, I am now qualified to give my readers parenting advice––free of charge.

When I was a young mother, my father said, "Don't ever hit your kids, but don't ever let them think you won't." 

I tried to follow this advice, but I was never able to make my dad's threatening face. It was the one that said, "Shape up, now!" 

True to Dad's suggestion, we never spanked our kids; however, they knew we weren't going to also. As a result, we found successful discipline strategies that came in creative and silly doses. My favorite threat was the one concerning teeth. "If you don't ______________, we're not going to let you brush your teeth!"

Ooooh. This one scared our kids into doing what we wanted because what could be worse than not being allowed to brush your teeth? Furthermore, teeth brushing became a reward, rather than a fight to make them do it. Hint: Start this when the kids are young or it won't work. 

Tee hee.

Another silly punishment we used involved the love seat in our den. If our kids fought with each other, they had to sit on the love seat until they learned to love each other. They had two choices: get along or have the most miserable punishment ever. 

The most important parenting advice I can give is for you to teach your children to take care of themselves. Next time your child has a problem with a coach or teacher, don't be in a hurry to rush in and fix it for them. Make your child deal with the problem his or herself. They should be the one to approach the adult and address their concerns, not you. You step in only as a last resort when their attempts do not work. Knowing how to talk to an adult has been my kids' greatest life skill. Please parents, don't hover!

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Punishments

With all of the blogger outage mess, I messed up and posted my O piece first, so if you want to keep in this backwards order, scoot down one entry and that should be for today. You can pretend that I posted punishments yesterday, if that makes you happy. ☺ For those who don't care, here goes . . .

My husband and I were never ones to spank our children. Not to say we didn't punish them when they misbehaved, we just found better ways to discipline. Discipline doesn't need to leave kids angry or bitter, but rather to teach children right from wrong.

One of our most successful punishments worked well with our oldest two kids when they were very young. "Do what we say or we won't let you brush your teeth." The kids would scramble to obey because nothing was worse than a stinky mouth. Not only did we get them to mind us, but we changed their view of tooth brushing from something parents force their children to do to a privilege.

I remember another situation when our son was just a toddler.  I was struggling to load our large golden retriever into the back of our van. Daniel spun circles while I was distracted until a truck honked and nearly missed hitting him. Many parents would spank a child for going into the street, but in reality, whose fault is it? He was too young to understand his actions, and I needed to be more focused on him than the dog. If I needed to be angry with anyone, it should have been me. I let my instincts take over when I snatched that baby into my arms. Tears shot out of my eyes as I told him how scared I was at the thought of almost losing him because I love him so much. We locked in a hug for a long while, and that boy never ventured into the street again. Objective reached.

Finally, it would be nice to say that my children never fought with each other, but they did. Once they reached "our" limit of fighting, we sat them on the love seat until they learned how to love each other. We didn't need to punish them because they punished themselves more than we ever could have. To quote Bill Cosby, "Parents don't want fair, they want quiet."

Parents need to quit hitting their children and find quintessential punishments instead. I know I wouldn't do a better job at work, or any where else, if someone hit me whenever I messed up. What is the true message in spanking?