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Showing posts with label farts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label farts. Show all posts

Thursday, March 12, 2015

A Penny For MY Thoughts

We've all heard the old saying, "A penny for your thoughts," but I figured I'd give you some of mine for absolutely nothing.

Beautiful Smelly Planet
Recently, I read that Saturn's moon Titan and Neptune contain methane as their main element. This got me thinking. Doesn't methane smell like farts? Good thing these stinky planets are far from Earth. Then again, with all that's being passed around here, maybe we could grow some beautiful rings around our planet, too.

I looked up methane and farts to see if I was right on my theory. Guess what I learned? There is actually a discipline called flatology or the study of farts. Could you imagine going 
Beautiful Smelly Person
to school to get that education? Imagine if one got a doctorate in flatulence. People study this in med school. I could just see a guy meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. "Excuse me? You do what for a living?"

I guess it could be worse. I knew a penis doctor who kept specimens in a jar to let his daughter's dates know to behave themselves.

Anyway, back to Neptune. It sure is a beautiful smelly planet. Kind of reminds me of Robert Pattinson--very good looking but known to have horrible body odor. Can you handle it? If not, don't move to Neptune or date The Twilight vampire.

These are my free thoughts. Aren't you glad you stuck around for them?

Saturday, April 27, 2013

#AtoZ X for eXpelling Gas

My son summed it best in eight grade when he said, "When I was in sixth grade and someone farted, it wasn't funny, but now it's hilarious!"

What is it about eXpelling gas, a normal function of the human body, that make so many chuckle? The average person farts ten times a day. That's average. Of course statistically, one could find a range of 287, so to be accurate, wouldn't we need to know the mode and median too? For example, although the mean is ten, maybe most
people only fart nine times per day; however, the day of the count, Rush Limbaugh farted 264 times. Would he be considered an outlier or did he mess up the whole dang curve?

Is there an Institute of Fartology? If so, who works there?

"My name is Dr. Jones, and I count farts for a living." I bet he's the life of the party! A real gas if you know what I mean.

Furthermore, do these statistics count dead guys? A friend who's an undertaker told me that dead people constantly eXpel gas; however, this gas doesn't just exit from below. It could sneak out of a joint causing a sudden flip of a wrist or foot twitch. I wonder, does cadaver gas smell better, worse, or the same as living farts? I'll have to ask my friend. It just goes to show, we still have a lot of research to do in this scientific field.