Back From The Future

Hosted by Nicki, Suze, and M Pax.

I'm participating in the Back From the Future Blog Hop.

Here are my Instructions:

You're up before dawn on a Saturday when the doorbell rings. You haven't brewed your coffee so you wonder if you imagined the sound. Plonking the half-filled carafe in the sink, you go to the front door and cautiously swing it open. No one there. As you cast your eyes to the ground, you see a parcel addressed to you ... from you.

You scoop it up and haul it inside, sensing something legitimate despite the extreme oddness of the situation. Carefully, you pry it open. Inside is a shoebox -- sent from ten years in the future -- and it's filled with items you have sent yourself.

What's in it?

**∑´®ƒ¥¨ø**

As I look out the window, I spot my neighbor waving from her driveway and heading my way. I open the door to see what she wants.

"I met the future you looking for your house to deliver that package," she points, "but you forgot where you live," she says.

"Do I move in the future?" Not that it would matter since I've lived in my house for twenty-two years.

"No. You're just even more forgetful than you are now."

Great. I thank her, close the door, and open a Stinga shoe box, a future best selling brand that sports "kick me" across the heals. The box reveals a half eaten donut with teeth digging into it. Under the donut clutching teeth is one smiley-face sock with a purple note sticking out of the top.

I snatch the note for a quick read.

Dear Me,

     The 2013 economy is in a rut, so I've included something valuable to help you out. If you look closely at our teeth, you'll find gold fillings in the molars. As for the sock, I couldn't find the mate in 2023, so I figured I'd send it back to see if you have it.

Love,

Me

 

I take the teeth and start for the door, but I forget what I'm supposed to do with them.  Oh well. At least I still have half of a tasty donut. I take a bite only to remember that I stopped eating sugar years ago. Darn! I guess I should give up artificial sweeteners too.

#GBE2: Tribute to Rita Rudner

This week's GBE2 Theme is Tribute, so as a humor blogger, I choose to focus on one of my comedy role models, Rita Rudner. Years ago, I saw her live in Memphis and have used her "Don't pull the plug until I'm a size six" joke ever since.

Here are a few Rita Rudner quotes.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

And finally, here is a fun Rita Rudner clip.

 

   

Wordless Wednesday: A Frickin' Elephant

As five-year olds were learning to read, one of them pointed at a picture and said,"Look! It's a frickin' elephant!"

And so it was...

African Elephant