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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Thursday, January 22, 2015

Armed Robbery

Our peaceful neighborhood has been rocked by three armed robberies in the past week. No, we do not live in the "dangerous" part of town; we live in Germantown. Although Memphis has her fair share of crime, Germantown had been rated as the tenth safest suburb in the country. See for yourself Ten Safest Suburbs in US. So what's going on?

Here is a report of what didn't happen during the first robbery, but I'll use my author's creative rights to change the story.

An elderly woman drove home from picking up dinner. Without warning, a man, wearing a hat, gloves, and ski mask, grabbed her arm and pushed her into her house. As he pointed a gun at her head, he didn't notice her 85 year-old husband who sat at the kitchen table. Being that he had no early Altheimer's and a body as fit and limber as it was in his twenties, he sprung out of his seat, disappeared into the back of the house, and called the police.

Once notified, the police arrived in two minutes. (That's not fabricated.) They pointed their pistols at the robber and told him to drop his gun. When he didn't follow directions precisely, they shot off his white balls, which dripped the last of his testosterone all over the kitchen floor.
Cuffed and booked, Mr. Felon was dragged to 201 Poplar and thrown in jail with a group of sex starved men. He couldn't sleep for fear of one of his fellow prisoners attacking him in the night. 

Not exactly the story, but hopefully they'll catch this thug and shoot his balls off, anyway.


Martha Jane Orlando said...

Thugs,especially those who prey upon the elderly, I hold in least esteem. My mother was not a victim of physical violence, but her purse was robbed of money several months ago while she was grocery shopping. Those who target the elderly are, in my estimation,the lowest of the low. I know it is only God who will judge, and I pray these persons who commit such crimes will have true repentance, and gain the wisdom it takes to live life as a contributing human being, not a detrimental one.
Blessings, Joyce!

joeh said...

Break ins are extra scary!

Binky said...

Well I hope it's just a statistical spike.

Boopnut said...

All our "safe" communities are at risk. It is the result of unemployment and drug addiction, mostly the latter.
Such a sad state of affairs!

messymimi said...

Ugh, i'm sorry this is happening to anyone, aywhere.

Unknown said...

Well, I hate that y'all have had the fear of robbery in your neighborhood but I love the way you told the story!!!

Pat Hatt said...

Balls shot off would serve him right.

Traveling Bells said...

Lowest of low! He definitely deserves severe punishment. No one wants to live in fear...

LA Botchar said...

a thief is the lowest. so sorry that this is happening in your neighborhood - and especially in homes where is the one place we should feel safe.
hope they catch the guy quick and before he hurts anyone.