Armed Robbery

Our peaceful neighborhood has been rocked by three armed robberies in the past week. No, we do not live in the "dangerous" part of town; we live in Germantown. Although Memphis has her fair share of crime, Germantown had been rated as the tenth safest suburb in the country. See for yourself Ten Safest Suburbs in US. So what's going on?

Here is a report of what didn't happen during the first robbery, but I'll use my author's creative rights to change the story.

An elderly woman drove home from picking up dinner. Without warning, a man, wearing a hat, gloves, and ski mask, grabbed her arm and pushed her into her house. As he pointed a gun at her head, he didn't notice her 85 year-old husband who sat at the kitchen table. Being that he had no early Altheimer's and a body as fit and limber as it was in his twenties, he sprung out of his seat, disappeared into the back of the house, and called the police.

Once notified, the police arrived in two minutes. (That's not fabricated.) They pointed their pistols at the robber and told him to drop his gun. When he didn't follow directions precisely, they shot off his white balls, which dripped the last of his testosterone all over the kitchen floor.

Cuffed and booked, Mr. Felon was dragged to 201 Poplar and thrown in jail with a group of sex starved men. He couldn't sleep for fear of one of his fellow prisoners attacking him in the night. 

Not exactly the story, but hopefully they'll catch this thug and shoot his balls off, anyway.

#GBE2: Curiosity/Wonder and After Life

As a little girl, I kept seeing these huge wads of toilet paper in the bathroom trashcan each month and couldn't figure out what they were. So one day, I reached into the garbage and opened one to see for myself. Scared the snot out of me!

Maybe curiosity is not such a good thing, after all it killed the cat. Plus there is the old "ignorance is bliss" phrase too. None the less, I've always been intrigued by death. I wonder what happens when we die? Where do we go? or...Will we come back in a reincarnated form? The only true way to find out is to die, and I'm not that curious. I am, however, sure we're never totally gone because the body is made of energy and energy can never be destroyed. It only changes form; scientifically a part of us will always remain on Earth.

None the less, I believe in reincarnation and karma. For example, as a teacher, I must have done something horrendous in my past life. I have a theory that my current and past students belonged to villages that I sacked and burned, and they continuously get their karmic pay back on me every year. That's the history of everyone in the teaching profession because why else would we suffer such abuse?

But the barbarian's life must have been an old, old existence because back in college, a hypnotist captivated us kids in a journey to our past lives to observe what we had experienced. I was an African American slave and knowing myself, it makes sense. Although I'm white, I've always gotten along well with black people and feel a natural chemistry with African Americans who I've worked with or have had the pleasure of being around. Also, I instinctively have a terrible fear of authority figures and hate wearing turtle necks or anything tight around my neck or wrists. I've even experienced anxiety and had to look away upon seeing someone with something bound tightly around their neck. Yep! I was probably bound, shackled, and eventually hung. In my mind, hanging would be the worst way to die.

What? You don't believe this? Fine. I'll prove it to you in the next life. And by the way, a friend of ours visited a hypnotist who told her she was Queen Isabella in a past life. As a result, she has apologized for the way she had treated Jews.