Trump Finances Prison Escapes for Monkeys and Other Living Things

Last week, Zimm the monkey mysteriously escaped from the Memphis zoo. The FBI and CIA have been investigating the so named Monkey-Gate situation only to discover it was masterminded by Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, who wanted to use the monkey's fur to craft a new toupee.

Apparently,  Trump was so distraught over the legalization of gay marriage that he set out to prove Conservative claims that the legalization of gay marriage will lead to Beastiality. Authorities discovered that Trump paid a zoo keeper $2000 to claim a relationship with the monkey and use power tools to orchestrate her escape. When questioned about the situation, Trump said, "We've got to have stricter border patrol between zoos and civilizations or we will inherit multiple monkey diseases." 

What's next for the Trumpster? You've heard it on the news. He's now out to prove his claims against Mexico by tossing a few pesos to the jailers who dug tunnels. 

Trump made racially insensitive claims that Mexico sends their worst people to the US.  If that were the case, we should do the same to them and pack up the Trumpster for a long Mexican vacation. Of course being that it's not true, we should still send Donald Trump to Mexico.