#GBE2: The Bakery

It's a ?

A good product takes time to develop. First, one must choose the right ingredients. Two summers ago, we witnessed the union of my nephew Brent to his beautiful wife Jill. Next, they ordered the product from a stork, and we've had a nine month wait. Although the due date was July 6th, the little bakery bundle has chosen to go for extended time in the oven. Jill started contractions on Wednesday night; but here it is Monday, and the stork has not delivered. I'm a good aunt, but I'd like to be a great one, so here are my suggestions to get the oven timer to ding:

•  Rain dances have been common in tribes. How about a baby dance. The expecting mom needs to perform deep knee bends while saying goo.
• Sometimes we roll dough to get the air out. How about rolling bellies to get the kid out?
• Ever see chefs throw pizza dough in the air? Have the perspective daddy throw mama in the air too.

If all else fails, there is always prayer! I'll keep you posted as to when our bakery product pops out of the oven.

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7/13/11

 

It's a Girl!

The Best Brand of Fertilizer - #GBE2

What's That?

This week's GBE 2 prompt is a picture. Unfortunately, this plant is something I've never seen thriving in our yard. My husband and I tried to plant one and fertilized it with advanced college degrees. You know how it goes:  BS = bull sh*t; MS = more sh*t; PhD = piled higher and deeper. I guess we didn't add enough manure to the plant because it didn't bear fruit for long.

Maybe my degrees were all wrong. I received a BHS instead of the standard BS. It stands for Bachelor of Health Science which is a joke because I never had the clinical ear to be a speech therapist and listen to kids say, "Ew, ew, er." As for the Audiology part, I dropped it after noticing the people who worked hard for more sh*t degrees only to change jobs before thirty. You can only push buttons for so long.

So with the desire to make loads and loads of money, I pursued a more sh*t degree in Special Education. Our high pay is the reason the economy is so messed up. Just ask any of those politicians who are pushing anti-teacher bills. Since my career wasn't bearing fruit on the money tree, I could only hope the husband bought the right brand of fertilizer.

He holds three degrees. After receiving his BS, he went on to pile it higher and deeper, but lawyers do it wrong. After the doctor of jurisprudence, he added more sh*t. The tree started to bear fruit, but so did we. Three little money suckers swung from the tree's branches and turned it into firewood.

Now the monkeys are trying to add fertilizer to their own trees. Hopefully they're buying the right brand of manure at their institutes of higher education! I know the son did. A degree in Economics landed him an instant job straight out of college.

Acrostic Success

With the GBE 2 Blogging Challenge, I've been asked to blog about what success means to me; however, I still need to post my post for the letter A -- so here it is, an Acrostic poem all about success. Aren't you impressed?

S = Sliding out of bed in time to get to work in the morning (when it's not summer vacation).

U = Under arm deodorant that works all day long.

C =  Coughing or sneezing without throwing out the back or losing body fluids.

C = Catching crap without slugging the person giving it to you.

E = Eating without dripping on the shirt or choking.

S = Safely walking in heels.

S = Stating what success means by coming up with something to meet each letter in the word "Success!"

Can't wait for the next challenge. Thanks to Elizabeth Grace at Word Nerd. Come join us http://www.word-nerd-speaks.com/2011/05/gbe-2-blog-on-week-2-topic-success.html

Also, if you have not read my previous post, "Backing Israel," please read because it is important that everyone is well informed of the situation in the middle east.