Weekend Writing Warriors Blog Hop 7/20/14

Weekend Writing Warriors / #8sunday / 07/20/14

www.wewriwa.com

Since I've shown the dark side of my young adult manuscript, 

BEING BENITO CARLEFFA, this week I'll lighten things up with 

a humorous dinner time snippet between Ben and his father.

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After blowing on the red soup, I cautiously sipped it off the spoon. It's cold? Next I knew, I gagged, coughed, and thumped my chest. All this money, and these people couldn’t even heat the food.

     “You don't like the gazpacho?” Fiso asked. 

      I dropped my spoon on the table. Why would he mention the Gestapo? What was he, a modern day Nazi? Sure, everyone likes murderers. Sick. This guy’s really sick.

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#AtoZ : Y is for You

Thank you to all the wonderful people who have been regular visitors to my blog. You make it happen!
Without you, I'd be another frustrated comedian wanna be with no audience. Yet, you visit my blog and tell me I'm funny. That makes my day.

On another Y note, we visited an aunt who is 91 years young. She told me I am pretty. Her daughter told us, she's been speaking a lot of nonsense . . . although not in that order. Since, I'm beautiful, I took a couple selfies just for you. I think they may be suitable for framing beside your Farrah Fawcett poster.

A kiss for you!

Oh, and please, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Actually, at the risk of sounding tacky, I may be prettier than Farrah, Marilyn Monroe, and Audrey Hepburn, too. But we can't be sure until someone digs up their graves and checks out how they look. I just might have them beat these days.

#AtoZ: Here's Letter C at Catch My Words

 

I started Catch My Words almost seven years ago to show book agents and editors that I'm part of the internet world and get published. Seven years later, I'm still not published but am in a great position when the time comes for shameless self promotion. I've also made wonderful bloggy friends who I hope will offer arc giveaway contests for my book when the time is right.

Note lower right hand corner: Not actual size

As you can see, my blog didn't really take off until 2009 or beyond. Posting once every six months doesn't bring readers. Also, my current readership is down, but so are my blog visits. It's tough to keep up with visitors while working full time and posting three times a week, or daily in April.

My trick to successful blogging is keeping posts concise, funny, and adding pictures. People don't want to read much, so after writing a draft, I'll cut verbiage.

Finally, I have a few favorite posts that have

Erica's artwork of the Tooth Fairy: Tina Fartingle.

not gotten attention, while others enjoy multiple hits. Maybe it's because of words like "Christian Gray" or "sex." Yep, those two always up the stats. Have a great day, and here are some kisses for you. XXX  Ha, psych! I just attracted some weirdos.

I leave you with a link to a post from March, 2011. It reached a whopping twenty views and four comments! Lunar War?

Silly Sunday: Uranus

I got "wind" that Camp Sabra has discovered my blog. Well, kiddos, here's one just for you!

Writer's Post: Celebrate Seeson & Seedaughter

It's December, which means one more week of controlling overly excited grade schoolers who don't wholeheartedly believe in that jolly dude wearing a color that only makes him look fatter. Maybe St. Nicholas should switch his costume to black, since it's slenderizing.    

See how slender Santa looks in black!

The fat guy has been down our chimney once in twenty plus years. He dropped off three Christmas gifts that were addressed to kids with names we didn't recognize. Since we didn't know who these kids were, where to find them, or how to get in touch with the fat man, our kids kept the presents. I hope that was okay.

Santa doesn't celebrate at our house because we're Jewish. Someone once asked how we explained to our kids that Santa is anti-Semitic. However, the kids never saw it that way because we have our own celebration-- Hannukkah, Hanuka, Channakkah, Chanukah. No one knows how to spell it, and many don't know how to pronounce it either.

It's not too different from the other Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat. Chanukkah also means gift giving. My daughter sent me the following e-mail, which I posted on my Facebook page.

 Subject: if someone needs a hanukkah gift for me....

Vintage Sterling Silver Necklace Gold Charm by GiRLStreetVintage

www.etsy.com

In response, my other daughter sent me the following message:

If someone needs a hannukkah gift for me......
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13740099/ns/business-small_business/t/sale-hot-red-ferrari-seller-included/

Notice they each spelled the holiday in a different way.

When it comes to the holidays, I'm happy to see my kids! After all, it's the seeson... and seedaughter! Here's Adam Sandler's take on our holiday.

Silly Sunday: Writing Faux Pas

For this week's Silly Sunday at Rhonda's Laugh Quotes, I've searched the internet to bring you some funny works of... well you'll have to figure that out.

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From House of Figs, I bring you a few of the 56 best/worst similes.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.  

 You may find 54 more of these at House of Figs.

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Or how about these from Anomalous Anonymies. These goofs were shared by English professors at Capital Community College.

You always new when he come in the room because of the smell of his strange colon.

In the end he was a rear image of his grandfather. 

You may find more at Anomalous Anonymies.

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If you visit Terribly Funny not only will you find funny comics and photos like the one above, but also a list of funny newspaper headlines such as:

 Iraqi head seeks arms
 
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

For more funnies, visit Terribly Funny.

Writer's Post: Vacation

This week's Writer's Post topic is Vacation; however, don't you have to take one to write about it? Thanks to our wonderful Veteran's, I'm home today, but it's not a vacation. I'm on staycation. That means I spend my day off blogging.

Bermuda Honeymoon - 1986

Way back before sending kids to college or soccer tournaments, we used to take great vacations. Mitchell and I honeymooned in Bermuda. Nothing like riding a motor bike among the flowers.

After Bermuda, our vacations took a different feel when we added kids to the trip. The favorite game was "Let's Make Dad Mad." You pack the car and kids for a long drive, then listen to squabbling from the back seat until Dad stops the car–before we get off the driveway! We'd sit outside the house with my husband muttering, "We're not going. We're not going." Eventually the tears flooded the backseat and off we went.

We had some notable vacations, such as the time two kids threw up on the baby in the backseat of the van. At least kids can take baths and the car was a rental. Or the one where the daughter got lost in the museum and sent us into panic mode.

It could always be worse. Knock on wood, we never came home with broken bones like my first family did after French Lick, Indiana. I was soooo mad at my brother and sister for cutting our vacation short because they rode a bicycle built for two on the horse trail!

So sad!

Now our vacations come down to visiting the kids, which is awful since they chose boring places to live in. Our poor son lives in a city with nothing to do and horrible weather. He had to buy a boat to sail in the Charleston Harbor. Poor kid! Why would anyone want to live in a place with beautiful people, weather, and those awful palmetto trees all over the place?

At least she gets to play in snow.

Then there's our middle daughter who lives outside a culturally backwards small town. What's she supposed to do on the week-ends? Take a smelly subway to DC and visit museums? Such a boring place for a history major. (In case you didn't know, DC's subways are spotless)

Erica meets interesting people.

I feel sorriest for my baby who chose to go to school in Orlando. Poor kid is forced to ride those scary roller coasters at Universal Studios because the beach is too far of a drive. And the weather, yuck! She never gets to wear a coat or play in the snow.

How can we take vacations when our kids are living them?

Here's a clip from the best vacation ever!

Silly Sunday Shorts

A fish swims into a wall--Dam!

A man walks into a bar--Ouch!

A blogger posts lame Silly Sunday jokes--D*mn! Ouch!

Please come back anyway. I have my work evaluation on Thursday, the middle section of my novel is due to my instructor on Friday, my house needs to be cleaned for company on Saturday, and I must complete progress reports for my intellectually gifted students who keep dry under the special education umbrella in the state of Tennessee.

Sorry for not visiting as much. Life has gotten hectic--D*mn! Ouch!

Please visit Rhonda at Laugh Quotes to link up to her Silly Sunday blog hop.

Musical Monday: Two Way Radio

I work with a talented lady named Kate Crowder, and here is one of her songs from her band Two Way Radio. They were featured on an MTV show called Five Dollar Cover. Enjoy the music!

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava’s LoungeSTRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice. Please note these links are

Thank you for joining us on Music Monday! Let's get going shall we?

1.  LJL - You got a friend   15.  Classic NYC Story -- Let's get it on   2.  Unofficial Chart Blog   16.  Proud Mommy   3.  bethere2day   17.  Mike Golch   4.  Mariuca   18.  Caroline : My Stories   5.  Namz   19.  Heart break sessions...   6.  Liz, Manila   20.  Dickster's Random Thoughts   7.  Maria @ LSS   21.  Mekinudols   8.  Cafe au lait (time2laugh)   22.  Mystery Man   9.  Cafe au lait   23.  Lynn   10.  Dazediva : Ice Cube - You Can Do It   24.  MusicMonday - ♫ Breathe-Faith Hill (Lyrics) ♫   11.  Mirage   25.  Joyce   12.  Ernhez   26.  Inside Hollywood   13.  BFDude   27.  The Entertainment Stop   14.  Hidayah- Raya
Please click the Picket Fence on top. Thanks!

August Top Droppers

Sandee taught me how to use Entrecard and now is my top dropper! Thanks to those members who visited my blog the most in the month of August. Here are the top ten listed in order of how often they stopped by. Go on and push the links to their sites. You won't be sorry.

Comedy Plus
bethere2day
Denford Magora's Zimbabwe Blog
A Five Minute Vacation
Art by Tomas
Ghostly Times
Top Travel Destinations
Business And Marketing
Funky Town Disco Music
Randy Blog

Meet Knob

Jeannie Campbell is hosting a blog hop and contest about getting to know our characters. So please meet the main character of my Work in Progress. Then you may buzz over to her site and meet other fictional people. How To Connect With Your MC


Knob's formal name is William Donald Donellson, but he received the nick name of Knob after Slater announced that his shaved hair made his head look like a door knob. Knob is a respectable name for an amazing, tough soldier. Unfortunately as the butt of the fifth grade, Wimpy Will has never felt like a tough anything.

Thanks for the interview. I'll answer the questions as best I can because I always do.

Question 1: What is your greatest fear? 

Gee, that's a tough one because I'm scared of everything. My brother died from falling off a bicycle and bleeding to death. I know, it sounds weird, but he had a disease called hemophilia and the doctors couldn't save him. Although I don't have the disease, you'd think I did by the way my mom hovers over me. I guess I'm scared of getting it. They say it's hereditary, so what happens if one day I catch hemophilia, start bleeding, and can't stop it?

Question 2: What is your biggest accomplishment?

I'm smart. Two years ago I won my age group in The Under the Arch Chess Tournament. I almost won again last year but a girl named Haley beat me. She's the only one who can beat me at chess, and I'm a little knock kneed at the thought of going up against her this year in the ten-year-old's category. Okay, I confess, I kinda like her, so scratch out my answer to question one. I'm most afraid of Haley--which is probably why I lost the tournament.

 

Question 3: What is your biggest regret?

I regret letting Randy bug me all the time in class. He always bullies me, but I've never stopped him because I'm kinda chicken. If I tell him to leave me alone, he might punch me, make me bleed, and do it in front of Haley. So on second thought, I guess I'm most afraid of Randy Butcher.

You didn't ask me what's been bugging me, but I'm going to tell you anyway. No one has gotten to meet me because my author has not gotten my story into query shape. It needs a lot of revisions. Here's the start of my story, MRS. ZIMMERMAN'S DONUTS by Joyce Paull Lansky. If you like it, tell your agent or editor friend about her because I want to be famous. Err, maybe not. It might be scary.

Mrs. Zimmerman's Donuts

            Every Friday after school, Harrison Zimmerman invited popular boys—not me, over for a stupid end-of-the-week celebration. His mom, the best chef in St. Louis County and co-founder of Zimmerman’s bakery, would fry up homemade donuts dipped in thick chocolate sauce. My mouth watered as we drove down Aberdeen Avenue and I breathed in the scent of those gooey pieces on a bed of powdered sugar.            

By the age of ten most guys had wolfed down seven-dozen pastries or more, but I’d never even tasted Mrs. Zimmerman’s donuts. I convinced myself that it was because my mom would’ve fallen into a tantrum at the thought of me swallowing anything slightly junky. She usually made a fuss over eating healthy as if my gut would explode if the tiniest bit of sugar or grease tickled my insides. But the real reason I’d never eaten the donuts—the fact that bothered me even more than Mom’s obsession over food, cleanliness, and safety—was that Harrison had never asked me to come to his stupid party. Actually, no one had ever invited me to go anywhere; but things were about to change.
  

That's what's been bugging me, but it's okay. Slater moved to town,

and he's going to help me be cool. See ya later.   ❧ Knob

                                                                

Acrostic Success

With the GBE 2 Blogging Challenge, I've been asked to blog about what success means to me; however, I still need to post my post for the letter A -- so here it is, an Acrostic poem all about success. Aren't you impressed?

S = Sliding out of bed in time to get to work in the morning (when it's not summer vacation).

U = Under arm deodorant that works all day long.

C =  Coughing or sneezing without throwing out the back or losing body fluids.

C = Catching crap without slugging the person giving it to you.

E = Eating without dripping on the shirt or choking.

S = Safely walking in heels.

S = Stating what success means by coming up with something to meet each letter in the word "Success!"

Can't wait for the next challenge. Thanks to Elizabeth Grace at Word Nerd. Come join us http://www.word-nerd-speaks.com/2011/05/gbe-2-blog-on-week-2-topic-success.html

Also, if you have not read my previous post, "Backing Israel," please read because it is important that everyone is well informed of the situation in the middle east.