X Marks the Spot #AtoZ

X marks the spot with a dot and a dot

and a dash and a dash,

and a great big question mark.

With pinches and squeezes and cool summer breezes,

and a knife in your back.

 Blood rushes down

and spirits rising up. 

Boo!

The letter X (Alias unknown)

How many of you chanted this stupid, sadistic rhyme on your friend's back as a child or had it done to you? Who writes this stuff anyway? It's kinda creepy having someone fist your back and call it a knife. Wouldn't it be better to rake invisible leaves or something? Or how about a good old fashion back rub? If you have to write poetry with the back rub, maybe you could quote Charlie Sheen on your back saying something profound like, "Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh." Uh, maybe not.

Here is my new and improved version of X Marks the Spot. If you don't like it, WRITE YOUR OWN!

X draws a line

With a vine and a vine

and a great wiggly scratch.

With fingernails while you yak

but don't "cool breeze" slobber on my back! 

With a palm on the shoulder

Not too hard, I'm getting older.

And forget the spirits because that's just plain weird.

If I can write a post for X, I can write anything. See you tomorrow when we explore real life yoyos (That's slang for foolish people). 

Wilberfoss #AtoZ

No. My son's name is not really Wilberfoss. At least that's not the name we gave him at birth.

Not his Birth Name/ Not his Actual Photo

It all started when Facebook circulated a "Rate Your Parents" app that was good for a few laughs. By clicking the allow button, Facebook would analyze your name, tally how many folks from the year you were born were given the same name, and give your parents a score (A-F) on how creative they were in the naming process. So Daniel, the child with the eighth most popular name from the year he was born, decided to rate his parents, AKA us.

Next I knew, he participated then sent me a Facebook message, "Mama! You got an F."

I replied, "Studies show that kids with more common names are better accepted in society."

"Studies show you got an F."

Fine. Daniel wants a creative name, I'd find him one. I searched name sites to see what I could discover. Then I added my own unique twist to the name "Wilbur." Viola, Wilberfoss!

"You want a creative name. Okay, son. From now on your name is Wilberfoss."

Daniel, err Wilberfoss, changed his Facebook name and we received an A+! All would be great except Facebook refused to allow him to change his name back to Daniel. So, almost two years later, my son is still named Wilberfoss. Even some of his friends have started to call him by that A+ name.

That should teach him to complain.

Tune in tomorrow for the letter X. Now what am I supposed to do with the letter X?

V is for Vic #AtoZ

Vic, my husband's goofy friend, is always good for a laugh (but usually they're of the dirty variety). His  poor wife has been trying to lose 170 pounds for years, but he still hangs around. He'd drive me to drink, but this woman is a saint through all his "take my wife, please take my wife jokes." If she didn't laugh along, she'd probably slug him.

On New Year's Eve, Vic reported that 30% of New Year's Eve accidents involve alcohol. If that's the case, 70% do not involve liquor, so we have a better chance of getting home safely if we drink. Most recently he told my husband that our daughter didn't need to bring her checkbook with her to Prague. After all, there are plenty of Cheks there. Pretty funny, Vic.

The most outrageous Vic-ism happened on his fiftieth birthday party. He had it at McDonalds! Each of us received a Happy Meal complete with a toy of the boy or girl variety. He had balloons, streamers, and even a clown performing magic tricks. Although it's been a few years since his party, I still remember the double takes from those passing by. I could actually read their minds. They'd pass by, spot the balloon, think it was a five at first, then double take when they realized it said, "Fifty." Only Vic!