Since I've shown the dark side of my young adult manuscript,
BEING BENITO CARLEFFA, this week I'll lighten things up with
a humorous dinner time snippet between Ben and his father.
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After blowing on the red soup, I cautiously sipped it off the spoon. It's cold? Next I knew, I gagged, coughed, and thumped my chest. All this money, and these people couldn’t even heat the food.
“You don't like the gazpacho?” Fiso asked.
I dropped my spoon on the table. Why would he mention the Gestapo? What was he, a modern day Nazi? Sure, everyone likes murderers. Sick. This guy’s really sick.
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21 comments:
Great snippet! I had to laugh at "Gestapo". Poor guy, cold soup served by a sicko. ;)
Heeheehee! That is a fun scene, and i hope he learns two new vocabulary words out of it.
This is probably what I would've thought!
Love, love the play on words and conceptions! Keep writing, Joyce!
His reaction was hilarious. Nice job!
Made me smile. Great dialogue and play on words.
Gazpacho, Gestapo. It's an easy mistake. :) Poor kid is having such a rough time, it's nice to see a little humour as well.
Lol - love it. As soon as I read red soup I thought - why was she blowing on it? And the "gazpacho" mix up - great!
Sounds like Ben is a character (haha, literally and figuratively speaking). :)
This cracked me up. I'm sure I'd hate 'Gestapo' soup too. All those jackboots make it a little too chewy.
Seriously, though, I wonder how many YA readers know who the Gestapo were. I was shocked to find my very intelligent teenage niece had no clue.
Ha! Love the humour here! And now I'm reminded of the Soup Nazi episode from Seinfeld. You want hot soup? No soup for you! :D
Hee hee hee!
Oh this is cute. Love the misunderstanding going on here : )
Great humor hits! Enjoyed it!!
Nice! lol. Great job of infusing humor into confusion. :-)
I loved this :D It shows Ben's personality and his state of mind in an entertaining manner. It reminds me of the Rorschach Tests, where your state of mind heavily influences the picture you interpret.
About this sentence, " Next I knew, I gagged, coughed, and thumped my chest." I think it would sound better rephrased as, "Next thing I knew, I was gagging, coughing, and thumping my chest." It's the "Next I knew. . ." part that sounds off.
Everything else is great, and as always, your descriptions are lovely :D
Adorable and loaded with humor.
A comment above though did make me wonder how many words might not be understood by the average YA reader. Shameful to say, I know many adults who have no idea what Gazpacho soup is or that it is served cold.
Haha :) This is great.
That's quite a culture clash happening here! The question is--will Ben get some clarification, or just stew in those misunderstandings?
I love gazpacho! I had it everyday when I was in Spain. Some people don't understand why it is served cold. Good dialogue exchange!
LOL. I like how he's offended that the rich people can't even heat the soup. And, I like how he "cautiously sipped" it; that's probably something I would do since I'm a picky eater. Great snippet!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
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