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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Showing posts with label butt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label butt. Show all posts

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Theme Thursday: Inspiring Things

This week's Theme Thursday has given me a blog topic and an array of questions that need my wisdom. Let's give it a try, shall we?

Do you see inspiring things each day?

I'm not sure if I've seen anything inspiring today. Maybe outspiring, or whatever the opposite of that would be. I'd planned to fly to Dayton; however, just like Beth the alien traveler, we humans must also pick up headaches in Atlanta before going anywhere. The plane I was supposed to get on was running late and I was informed that I would miss my connections. So I had a choice... hmm... spend the night in a dumpy Atlanta hotel or reschedule for tomorrow. 

Am I supposed to feel inspired by that? Maybe so. I've created the best book characters from the lousiest people I've known and the worst situations too. If you ever treated me poorly, be afraid, be very afraid. And buy my book, after I talk someone into publishing it,  just to make sure you're not in it.

Do you wake up and hop out of bed then hurry to get ready to start your day?

Are you kidding me? This is summer. Why in the world would I hop out of something as delightful as my bed? If anything, I've recently stopped hopping because it sets my head spinning. Instead, I sit at the edge and wait for my blood pressure to rise enough to not get a carpet burn at the tip of my nose from keeling over. I'll leave the hopping to Kangaroo Jack. This movie was pretty bad in the stupid kind of way. I'd say it ties with Solaris. 

Even the actress fell asleep!
Have you seen Solaris? It had one funny scene. Someone asked George Clooney how a lady got on the space ship. He said, "I don't know. I just woke up and she was there."

My sister leaned into me and said, "I just woke up and she was there too." Yes, strangers, that is why we laughed hysterically in the middle of that boring movie.

What inspires you?

You do. Every time I get a comment where someone tells me I made them laugh, I am inspired to do it again. In fact, I am so inspired that I need to talk an agent into representing my book because I guarantee it will make kids laugh. After all, I've used a few of Bruce Coville's magic words in my book. "Fart." "Underwear." "Butt." Yes, folks, slap these words into kidlit and you've got an instant chuckle. If these words made you laugh too, don't admit it! 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Can't Stop Laughing!

My sister-in-law tells me she hardly ever goes on Facebook because she feels like it's junior high revisited. In some ways she's right, but at other times it makes me laugh hysterically. Maybe it's because I still have the maturity level of a middle schooler.  Today is one of those days as one funny events unfolded and a memory that made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt came back from something my sister posted.

Meet Kathy. She is one of my bloggy friends who hangs at The Giggling Trucker's Wife. She has a great sense of humor and writes interesting posts that always hold my attention. Truthfully with my ADD attention span, that's an accomplishment. Knowing Kathy through her site and our connections with GBE2, Writer's Post, and BBF, I've come to see her as a highly moral, respectable person. So I laughed hysterically when I visited her site to try to find her email address (which I still don't have, uh hm) and send her a private message. She's one of those people I haven't accepted as a Facebook friend because I've never actually met her, but oh, it gets harder and harder not to.

Anyway, when I didn't see her email, I clicked on her website. Wow, Kathy! I didn't know about your side business. From her porn site, she offers everything from... Oh, gosh, I can't even write the things she offers because it's too dang embarrassing. So, that's what you do when your husband's on his long trucking journeys out of town. See why I don't typically FB friend people I haven't met in person!

In Kathy's defense, she moved her blog and changed her blog's address; however, she failed to remove the domain change from her FB information page. I sure hope her mama, grandma, and dear Aunt Rosemary didn't visit her page! She'd have some explaining to do.

As for my sister, I don't know if you'd find this funny or not since it was one of those goofy kid private jokes that we probably haven't laughed about in over thirty years.

My sister posted that she's getting her first piano lesson tomorrow. Sounds innocent enough, right? I posted, "Next time I'm in Boca, I want a concert! You can play..." 

Now before I tell you what she can play, you need a little background information. In my odd but wonderful family, we had a unique word for a person's bottom. I never realized that the rest of the world did not call a butt a "tootsie." I even went to one of my favorite websites to see if they recognized the word "tootsie" for buttocks. 

Main Entry:
buttocks [buht-uhk] 
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: rear
Synonyms: back end, backside, behind, bottom, bum, butt, derriere, fanny, fundament, gluteus maximus, haunches, hindquarters, posterior, rear, rump, seat

Main Entry: bottom
Part of Speech: noun
Definition: rear end
Synonyms: backside, behind, breech, bum*, butt*, buttocks , derriere, fanny, fundament, posterior, rear, rump, seat, tail, tush

Next, I looked up "tootsie" in the Urban Dictionary. Nada! It means toes and some gross things, so I won't even supply you with a link.

So where the heck is "tootsie" in the dictionary? Doesn't anyone out their in bloggy world call a "bum" a "tootsie?" More curiously, why in the world did my family use that word for that term?

Anyhow, Barb was a flute player, and we (or I should say SHE) made up words to one of her concert pieces. It went Do do do do do do, my tootsie love you. My tootsie eats meat. And where in the world did we get meat from? I swear, we were totally innocent children singing this song and being silly. I figured you wouldn't find it funny, but thanks for sticking around anyway.