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Showing posts with label fly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fly. Show all posts

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Silly Sunday: ⚡Bar Flys⚡

Wonderful artwork by Kevin Smith. Check out his other illustrations at Creative Spark Studio. Kevin designs lots of cool posters, T-shirts, logos, and even photo restorations. Don't worry, he won't destroy priceless paintings of Jesus. ;)

⚡Bar Flys⚡ 

For just $39.99, you can be a fly on the wall and watch your kids consume massive amounts of alcohol, listen  to conversations (she's just a friend, hmm?), and not let them see you blush.

Does your son really pick up half-dressed women with too much eye-liner? 

Is the elastic at the waistline of your daughter's shirt inching upward while the neckline's slipping down?

Find out the answers today by calling 1-800-Bar-Flys. Down one capsule with a pint of beer and off you'll buzz to the twenty-something scene. Plant your hairy legs on a wall to hear and see all for this one time limitted offer. 

With Bar Flys you can be flying into the bar for only $39.99.

✦temporarily stops Ωβs, ΠϕΔs, and any other fraternity creeps from hitting on your daughter. Ever try successful flirting with a fly repeatedly landing on your nose, ears, or private parts? 
✦also effective to stop son when he acts like Ωβ or ΠϕΔ 
✦provides light buzz

Do not use at ball games, plays, or any other event that contains programs. Accidental swatting may be fatal. Overuse of Bar Flys may result in
✦jittery movements
✦attraction to sugary substances
✦seeing octuple

 Don't drive a motor vehicle or operate machinery when taking Bar Flys. Accidents can occur when drivers lose human dexterity.

"It works! I've grounded my kids for life," -Eves Drop

 Bar Flys! Get it today through this 
 special offer!

And if you act now, we'll throw in one free Car Ant that will allow you to see if that son really stopped texting and driving.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

#GBE2: Peace

In the midst of those noisy screaming matches, I always told my kids, "Parents don't want fair, they want peace." Apparently, we weren't the only ones wanting a little quiet now and then. After a visit to the Chinese restaurant, I found someone else out to get some peace. 

Now let's give this some thought, why would a cookie need sleep? They don't have eyes to see kids tugging over the same toy, ears to hear the "She looked at me cry," or even a sense of touch to feel the wrestling kids bump into it.

Cookies are never up late at night worrying about the kid who missed curfew or even bothered by dogs barking at the squirrels outside. Even a pesky fly wouldn't bother a fortune cookie. I'd say they're dead, but doesn't one need to live in order to die?

Throughout this stressful life, I have come to the conclusion that I will never truly be at peace until someone throws dirt over my dead body. If a dirt nap is the only way to truly be at peace, I guess I'll pass.

Watch the Pink Panther in his quest for peace.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dating Nerds

Revenge of the Nerds
Do you remember the poster, are you a nerd? Arrows pointed to different spots of the nerd photograph making sure to point out the pocket protector, tape on glasses, high-water pants, etc., etc. Way back when, I went out with this guy. It was a blind date, but unfortunately I wasn't blind. The nerd kept trying to put his awkward little arm around my shoulders and a car load of "cool" guys even drove by pointing and laughing.

The clincher at the end of the evening was the dead fly in his ear. No, I didn't make this up. After we got our food (he ordered peaches and cottage cheese), I noticed the little insect that lay on its wings with bent legs folded up into his greasy ear canal. I lost my appetite. 

Who knows? He may be the CEO of some multi-million dollar corporation right now, but it's not worth it. Gross! Here's a link to one of my favorite nerd videos staring Dimitri Martin. It's great so check it out!

Comedy Central - Hoodwinkers

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