#AtoZ: K - Kids And A Lockdown - Not Funny

I failed the lockdown at school last week. This drill is meant to teach us what to do if a gunman enters the building. While I flushed a toilet, someone said, "Lockdown," over the intercom. All doors slammed shut and locked to keep intruders out. Of course, I didn't hear the announcement and wandered carefree down the quiet hall. When I saw my administrator, I said, "Oh. I see you changed shoes," because earlier that day, she wore adorable, yellow duck shoes for the rainy bus duty.

She said, "You know we're in a lockdown?"

I said, "No."

Next, I tore down the hall looking for a place to hide. Finally, I knocked on the nurse's door. Allison wondered if this was a test, but opened anyway and let me in. We had a delightful visit while waiting for the drill to end.

After the lockdown, several staff members and I chatted in the office. My administrator asked what I did. When I told her, she said, "You are casualty number one, and Allison is casualty number two." Then she spilled out the gruesome truth about school shootings. Apparently, crazies will grab a kid and have him or her knock on doors.  

"Let me in! Let me in!" 

It is our job to ignore the frightened child in order to save the class. How does one ignore a scared voice? Dear God, I pray I am never in that situation.

#AtoZ: J - Jewish Holidays

Here's my Reader's Digest breakdown of Jewish holidays.

Shabbat - We survived week without being killed. Let's eat.

Sukkot - Egyptians tried to kill us. We wandered in desert for forty years. We survived. Let's eat in cute, little huts in our backyards.

Simchat Torah - We finished reading stories about people trying to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Chanukah - Assyrians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Purim - Persians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Passover - Egyptians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat tasteless food that causes gas.

Rosh Hashona - We survived year without being killed. Let's eat.

Yom Kippur - We've committed sins, such as gluttony. We won't eat all day. Let's eat at sundown.

There are a multitude of days that are 

too horrible to joke about or even to eat, 

but we will always remember.

#AtoZ: Irwin

My husband's middle name is Irwin. I figure that's funny enough for me to stop writing here, especially since the name means "boar friend." And, he was born in the year of the "Boar." To make matters even better, he doesn't eat pork!

At least my husband has a middle name and a first name too. I know folks who don't even have that, only initials for names.

Although my dad had a first name, his parents had never given him a middle name, so my sibs and I named him Norton. Norton is ranked on the popularity chart with three baby Norton's recently entering the world . . . which is more than I can say for little Irwins.

☻

There are worse names than Irwin. You could be named:

Dog Breath

Moon Unit

Dweezle

or

Shithead (pronounciation sha - thee - ad)