#MM & #AtoZ X for Xanadu

Remember Olivia Newton John in Xanadu? 
Great music but movie, not so much.

That's me!

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#AtoZ : W for Winning

"We're going to the tournament to have fun. 

The way you have fun is you win!"

                                             ~Richard Bute    

Memphis Futbol Club Soccer Coach

Every year our city celebrates Memphis in May where we honor a country and teach students about a foreign land. This year the country of honor is Panama. I attended a teacher's conference and presented my students with interesting facts about Panama so that they could enter the Memphis in May writer's contest. Not to brag, but I typically have a winner of this contest each year. This year, I was blessed with two winners! 

Second Prize went to Lauren for her story about painting the golden altar in Panama black to keep

pirate Captain Henry Morgan from stealing it from the church. Her story was rich with historic detail and smoothly written; however, other than giving her the background information, I can't take credit for her writing ability. She entered my class a few months ago, so I have not had a lot of time to develop her writing.

Santiago, my first place winner, came to my class close to the beginning of the year and was not the writer he is now, so I'll take credit for his success. His early writing was cluttered with boring "be" verbs that he has learned to replace with his rich vocabulary. This is a kid who reads constantly, and as a result, his vocabulary is better than that of most adults. He has also learned to use multiple senses in his writing and strong descriptive nouns. I am kicking myself for not saving his early work because it would be a great artifact for my professional development evaluation. 

Here is the first paragraph from his winning entry. It's hard to believe that this was written by a fifth grader.

The Hunt

     Crawling close to the ground, I stalked my prey. I got as close as I could. Then I lunged and with a quick snap of my jaws, the bird was dead. It tasted as sweet as the juice that came from a monkey's meat. I padded my way back to my home, a rocky overhang curtained with leaves; my prize hanging from my mouth. As I sprinted my way back home, my spotted coat blended in the shadows caused by the leafy canopy. The sweet fragrance of the star-shaped flowers wafted around me. The meaty taste of prey filled my hunger. I was home.

We enter contests for fun, but it is most fun to win!

#AtoZ Letter "T" #WW The TV is Sick

#AtoZ: I'm Going to Be Sagging Soon!

It's been a long time coming, but I finally can see myself sagging. To really sag a lot, I must spend time around an abundance of food, such as cookies, crackers, fruits, and gels. Maybe, one day I'll sag more than anyone in town.

But I wish I didn't have to sag in the early morning hours. 

Whatever it takes to support Superman as he leads the training for the Century 100 Mile Ride, again. Did you think I was talking about my body sagging? Ha! I'd rather bike than sag, but the cars passing close on the road scare me enough to wet my pants. So I'll just sag.

#AtoZ Musical Tribute Brought to You by The Letter 'R'

Reo Speedwagon

"Ridin' the Storm Out"

Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Right on Time"

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#AtoZ : The Queen

Her hard, smooth body slides to capture whoever gets in her way. One space, or clear across the board, gives her power unlike the others. She cleverly works with her lower ranks to plan her attack. To lose her makes a win difficult at best for she is the queen.

"When you see a good move, look for a better one."

-Emanuel Lasker

“Strategy requires thought, tactics require observation”

-Max Euwe

“A bad plan is better than none at all”

-Frank Marshall

"Choose your move carefully in Chess as in life."

#AtoZ : Passover (Plague of Blood and Monthly Bloating)

Once I was a slave in Egypt. (If I didn't admit to having been a slave, I'd be the wicked son in the story we tell every year about Pharoah enslaving us.) Moses asked Pharoah to let us go, but he said, "Nada!" 

So God smote the Egyptians with a bunch of nasty plagues. For example Pharoah once in his bed, awoken with frogs on his head; frogs on his pillow, frogs on his toes, frogs on his shoulders, and frogs on his nose. At least that's what the song says. 

He also heard locust––annoying insects hopping around, boils––worse than bad acne, and blood––not the kind that comes each month, but that would have been a better punishment for a guy. I'd have given him cramps, bloating, and moodiness, too. There's many more plagues, but let's keep this short.

Jews aren't supposed to celebrate anyone's hardships, so we spill a drop of wine for each plague, and suffer from less wine. But all is cool. We get four cups at the seder. 

Returning to the story, the Jews left Egypt while baking bread. As a result, it didn't have time to rise and we have to eat tasteless, flat stuff that gives us gas. That's the Joyce's Digest version of Passover.

Your welcome.

#WW #AtoZ : Nice Date

Remember prom night in high school? 
You wore your best to a high class restaurant. 
Then, you texted about it throughout dinner!

#AtoZ : Matzah

It's time again to give up real food for flat crackers that give one digestive problems. We can purchase all kinds of derivatives for matzah, such as matzah fartful, too. Oh, yeah, don't forget the Gas-Ex with the Passover supplies. And remember, Moses's line, "Let my people go," takes on a whole new meaning.

It's going to be a great week!

#AtoZ : I am Not Spoilt!

This morning, my middle child posted a Facebook Buzz Feed Article called,  Were You A Spoilt Child? Readers are asked to tick off everything they owned from Slip 'N Slides to a Darts Board. At the end of the test, the post will tell you whether or not you were spoiled.

The following conversation ensued: 

#AtoZ: Favorite Son Returns - Letter F

Happy Birthday to Daniel

My Favorite Son

Me at 26 with Daniel

It's April 6th, and here's the post you've all been waiting for: a recap on my favorite son's lovelife. One year later, and he's still single. Some of you may remember my post on his birthday last year, where I advertised to find him a wife. I actually survived the post and am ready to celebrate his birthday number 26. On my birthday 26, I was married and expecting Daniel. 

On the bright side, Daniel has a girlfriend, and I actually like her. She is blond and beautiful (of course), and she is not afraid of me . . . yet. This girl has a great personality and is fun to talk to. On the Jewish issue, we're halfway there, but it's the Dad half. I wonder if she'd convert? She's also smart. She's working on a Master's Degree at Vanderbilt. And guess what else? She actually reads my blog! So, am I in trouble again this year?

I figure my last year's post wasn't that bad because Daniel has shown it to everyone and their kid brother. If you missed it, you'll have to check it out and see what you think: Last Year's Mom Fail. I'm sure you'll laugh.

On the down side, Daniel's girlfriend has a mustache. I guess it's okay if she doesn't spill food in it when she eats.

Since it's time for Musical Monday, I will leave you with "Danny's Song." We started his Bar Mitzvah video with this very same tune.

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#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday Y for Yankovic Sings YODA

Humor blogger I am, hmm. Now day Y it is so an old favorite by Weird Al Yankovic, Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo-Yoda I present.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

--YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

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#AtoZ: M - Musical Monday

Here's a song for all manly men.

Now that you're done laughing, here's one of my favorite M songs, which I first heard after being dragged to my sister's high school band concert. It was love at first hear. I can see why In the Mood by Glenn Miller topped the charts in 1940.

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#AtoZ: K - Kids And A Lockdown - Not Funny

I failed the lockdown at school last week. This drill is meant to teach us what to do if a gunman enters the building. While I flushed a toilet, someone said, "Lockdown," over the intercom. All doors slammed shut and locked to keep intruders out. Of course, I didn't hear the announcement and wandered carefree down the quiet hall. When I saw my administrator, I said, "Oh. I see you changed shoes," because earlier that day, she wore adorable, yellow duck shoes for the rainy bus duty.

She said, "You know we're in a lockdown?"

I said, "No."

Next, I tore down the hall looking for a place to hide. Finally, I knocked on the nurse's door. Allison wondered if this was a test, but opened anyway and let me in. We had a delightful visit while waiting for the drill to end.

After the lockdown, several staff members and I chatted in the office. My administrator asked what I did. When I told her, she said, "You are casualty number one, and Allison is casualty number two." Then she spilled out the gruesome truth about school shootings. Apparently, crazies will grab a kid and have him or her knock on doors.  

"Let me in! Let me in!" 

It is our job to ignore the frightened child in order to save the class. How does one ignore a scared voice? Dear God, I pray I am never in that situation.

Wordless Wednesday: H for Honey Bear

Enough Honey Bear!

#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday: Letter G

I heard it through the Grapevine.

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#AtoZ : E - Engineers The Dam Kind

There are a lot of great fields to study, but it would be best to be a dam engineer. Dam people earn a lot of money for dam jobs. Plus, dam engineers gain respect for dam work. I bet they even get dam awards. 

Furthermore, dam engineers will help you with your dam property or will construct a dam, unlike others who won't give a dam. Just ask dam scientists for help, and they will draw a dam plan. Plus, they care about dam safety enough to form dam societies. Did you know there are societies for the dam British and the dam Americans?

Unfortunately, sometimes dam construction can interfere with people's lives due to dam flaws; however, I'm sure dam engineers will successfully fix dam problems.

#AtoZ: D - Driving Prank

Watch this hysterical video!

       
                                          

Wordless Wednesday: #AtoZ Bows

Today's Wordless Wednesday is brought to you by the letter B.

Honey Bow Bow

You can do what you want to me because I only weigh 25 pounds.

Tough girl doesn't look so tough today.

                       

#AtoZ : X - Stolen Innocence

B and I were in sixth grade and headed to the playground. On the way down the sidewalk, a man sitting on a stump asked for directions to Wilson School. Harmless enough.

Hot dogs

Next, the man mentioned how it was hot outside and wanted to know if we'd ever seen a man "do this" before. He unzipped his pants and pulled out something that looked like the end of a thick, uncooked hot dog without the ketchup, mustard, or even a bun.

While my friend stood gaping, I took off running. So, if a man ever asks me that question again, I will say, "Yes."

I bet you'll never look at hot dogs the same way again.