Happy birthday to Daniel, my favorite son.
Listen up, ladies. Have I got the guy for you. He's smart, good looking, and single. Since today is my son's twenty-fifth birthday, it's time to find him a wife. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a pathetic loser who's short on women, he has plenty of dates. They just aren't my type.
Daniel likes Barbie dolls--beautiful, blonde, high-healed women who are definitely not kosher. I think this obsession with Barbies started in preschool when he played with his sisters' dolls in the bathtub. He'd grab them by the waist and fly them through the air while making airplane noises. In the end, the poor Barbies would crash into the wall and maybe lose their empty heads. Don't worry, ladies. He's always a gentleman with living women.
Anyway, my son needs a nice Jewish girl with a kind heart, intelligence, and an excellent sense of humor. She'd have to have one to fit into our family. Plus, liberal wouldn't hurt! Send me your resume, that is if I'm still alive after posting letter F, which also stands for Mom FAIL.
I think this kid just might have my sense of humor too. Plus, he has...
|a winning smile,|
|and a big brain.|