Meme Express: Nonsense or Pat A Cake

This is an anniversary/going away cake!

Meme Express's word of the week is "Nonsense," and nothing is more nonsensical than the nursery rhyme Pat A Cake.

Pat a cake, Pat a cake, baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can;
Pat it and prick it and mark it with a 'B',
And put it in the oven for Baby and me.

*First off, who pats cakes? The last thing I'd want to do is put my hands in gooey cake batter and pat it. I might pat sugar cookie batter, but not sticky cake.

*Secondly, if you bake a cake as fast as you can, it's not going to taste good. Cake takes time to rise. Haste makes waste, right? I sure don't want my baker rushing the job. 

*Finally, how are you going to mark it with a 'B' before you put it in the oven? Why mark it when babies can't even read? I don't know about you, but I use icing to label my cakes. 

 

If you ask me, this chant is 

NONSENSE.

Wordless Wednesday: Teachers Pay Teachers

I've often made my own teaching items. Now, some of these gems are for sale at Teachers Pay Teachers. I placed thirty-seven items in my store and have already made $8.25. Not bad for the summer. I hope I can find customers who use Promethean Boards because that's my best stuff.

Will you be my customer? Pleeeease.

PS. If you'd like to set up your own store, 
link here: Teachers Pay Teachers Sign Up

Musical Monday: Don't You Want Me

Fourteen-year-old Scotty couldn't speak, was blind in one eye, deaf in one ear, needed a daily enema to move his bowels, was severely mentally challenged, and basically couldn't do much but sit in his wheel chair waiting for a fresh diaper and a spoon full of soft food that he would spill out of his mouth as he tried to chew; however, when Don't You Want Me by The Human League sang over the radio, he'd light up like a glow worm. Not only will I forever remember Scotty's bright smile and gurgling sounds over this song, but I still think of him whenever I hear it. Here's to a special boy, hopefully turned man, Scotty.

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Happy Birthday, Judy!

Today, June 21st is the longest day of the year, and in 1990, it most certainly was. The result of my labors was a beautiful seven pound, ten ounce baby girl.

Judith Miriam

She was always a precious little girl.

 

and she made us proud at her Bat Mitzvah.

Twenty-three years have passed and my little girl has grown into a beautiful young lady. 

Happy Birthday, Judy!
May age 23 be the best year ever! 

#GBE2: Siblings

I was told I was part of the family because of a trade with the Indians. The tribe received beads, while my family got a little papoose with a red spot on her forehead. That birthmark was the true coloring of an Indian girl, me. It might have been okay if my brother and sisters had told me they were teasing; however, this stunt continued for years with little me believing it all. Okay, so I was gullible, but isn't that part of being tiny among the mighty sibs? 

They had an 8½, 6½, and 4 year jump on me, and they used it to their advantage. I was their trained mouthpiece in acquiring what Mom and Dad would have never agreed to. As the Chevrolet ventured down the road, with the three of them shoulder-to-shoulder in the backseat while I sat wedged between the adults in the front, he-who-must-not-be-named would point out the window and say, "Look, Joycie. What do you see?"

Next came my hopping dance, "McDonalds! McDonalds! Let's go to McDonalds!" Sure enough the car would slide into the lot for hamburgers, fries, and chocolate shakes, which no one would have gotten if one who wasn't so stinkin' cute had asked.

I was also subjected to constant bouts of tickling from He-who-must-not-be-named and TV high jacking, too. I don't know which was worse: being held by the arms and tortured or forced to watch Bonanza. Tickling is a definite form of abuse, especially when Gilligan's Island is on, but I was too little to stop it. 

Then there were the other set ups. 

"If you tear your blanket, 

you'll have many." 

"Why don't you go ask Mr. Slatkin,

the famous conductor neighbor, 

for his autograph early in the morning?"

Laughter as a piece of liver is shoved in my mouth 

or 

hearing fart sounds as I bite into a chicken butt.

He-who-must-not-be-named gets angry when I write about him, but he was by far the most lethal sibling. I wonder if he would have subjected me to constant torture if he knew that one day I'd have a blog.

Wordless Wednesday: Haircuts

My daughter and I decided to give each other haircuts. Although neither one of us has had any training in this nor have we done it before, it looks easy enough. 

First, Erica cut my hair.

     Before

After

Next I cut hers.

Before

After 

So, what do you think? 

 

Musical Monday: Biff is Back

We know him as Biff from Back to the Future, but did you know he's also a funny musician? Check this out.

And this.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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#GBE2: What if?

What if after your neighbor had trouble budgeting his household and his kids earned failing grades in school, he filed bankruptcy and moved in with you?

What if having a much larger family, he used a majority rules system?

What if he fired your wonderful maid and hired his person?

What if although your son is an A student, he kicked him out of the house and moved his five son's into his old room?

What if he made so many demands that the head of the family, who had received awards for his skills, got fed up and left?

What if many other family members, including Aunt Martha who worked to make the neighbors feel at home, got kicked out of the household, too?

What if they prevented you from getting your August 2 paycheck?

Sounds unbelievable?

What if Memphis City Schools, a failing district, gave up their charter and forced Shelby County Schools to consolidate with them.

It's not as unbelievable as one thinks.

Theme Thursday: Destinations

Mowgli's destination 

was clearly with us. 

A lady waited for suckers at the entrance to the dog park with her cage full of five week old black lab/blue heeler puppies.

"Free puppies," she said. 

My daughter has wanted a puppy for a long time, so we sent her the following text messages. The rest is history.

 

My youngest called the puppy lady. She had just left the park but was already turning around to come back. Her daughter got out of the truck, handed Erica the dog of choice, and drove off before we could change our minds.

Judy is moving to Michigan and has not yet found a place to live. Several places do not allow animals, but that's a minor detail, isn't it?

I admit, getting her this dog was a cruel stunt. At seven weeks, he's only about 90% house broken. He just knows how to sit and shake on command, although he's almost mastered the stay and come here commands.

Plus, he's not even cute.

Wordless Wednesday: Mazel Tov!

This past weekend, our nephew was ordained as a reform rabbi.

 

The synagogue was gorgeous.

Soon he will lead Rhonda's congregation in Auckland, New Zealand. What a small world! 

 

Musical Monday: Let's Do the Time Warp Again

As teens, who went to the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Did you dress like Janet? Did you throw toast and keep your hair dry with newspapers? I once went with a friend and her dad, who was a professional movie critic. Guess what? 

He liked it!

So get on your feet and dance The Time Warp again.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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Treading the Off Beaten Path: The Waiter

I once saw someone tread 
          off the beaten path.             

While Rhonda and I sat in a Boston restaurant waiting for our server, I noticed a spot on my fork. I told the cute, young waiter about my spot, and he fell into a hysterical routine.

"Spot on fork! Spot on fork! We must have happy customers." This goofball grabbed my fork, spoon, and knife as well as Rhonda's set. Next, he cleared the salt, pepper, and any other condiments off the table, and the table cloth.

"We must have happy customers," he chanted while charging across the room. Within moments, the waiter returned, spread a fresh table cloth over the wood, returned condiments, and reset our entire table.

"Spot on fork! Spot on fork! We must have happy customers." 

I don't know if I ever laughed so hard or gave such a generous tip. Rhonda has recorded travel adventures across the world at Laugh Quotes, but I don't think she's ever found another waiter like this one.

#GBE2: Half My Life Ago

Our original family

Half my life ago, December 5, 1987, I celebrated my twenty-sixth birthday. My family consisted of my husband, golden retriever, and a five-month pregnant belly. I stayed up until midnight every night and then drove to work after filling my Honda with 95¢ a gallon gas.

My men. Wasn't my husband a fox?

My teaching job paid one-third of what I earn today, but it didn't matter because we could see our World Series Champion Cardinals for $9.24 a ticket and buy a McDonald's hamburger for 45¢, without worrying about what it would do to our bodies. We paid 22¢ to mail letters because we didn't have a computer or internet. I'd heard rumors about this thing called "the information super highway" but couldn't fathom what that actually meant.

Ronald Reagan sat in the Oval Office, even though I'd voted for John Anderson. I didn't know about the electoral college and still believed a third-party candidate could win. Although my independent won the popular vote in California, the electoral votes went to Reagan.

We enjoyed Dirty Dancing for under $4.00 a ticket and wondered how one could be as crazy as Glenn Close's character from Fatal Attraction. We still enjoyed going to bars (I didn't drink while pregnant) where we'd dance to Michael Jackson's Bad or George Michael's Faith. After a night of dancing in heels, my back didn't even hurt.

Looking back, I realize I've spent more of my life with my husband than without him, which means I am dang old.

I leave you with a clip of top songs from December 5, 1987.

Wordless Wednesday: Event Management

My daughter has a summer internship 

with a wedding planner.

 This was left in our kitchen.

It's better than finding a groom on the counter. 

The Partner's Progeny Cover Reveal

Bullies rule … or do they?

For seventeen years, Victoria Sheek has been a paralegal surpervisor at the Law Offices of Pereene, Carr, and Sevino, specializing in injury law. Rumors portray her as a bully. She remains confident that her position will never cease because of close relations to one of the founding partners, Mr. Carr.

Until Mr. Pereene, the head partner, hires Monica Bowman. Smitten with her because of her resemblance to his deceased granddaughter, Melissa, and his memories of her, she can do no wrong.

Which one of the two girls will keep their position at the firm? It takes and unexpected event to decide the outcome of this rivalry.

Shelly Arkon is the author of Secondhand Shoes

 When Shelly isn’t doing the laundry, cleaning, cooking, chasing grandkids, listening to daughter drama (five of them), or lopping heads of hair at the salon, she’s writing beside her two fur-peeps, Sir Poops and Hair Ball, popping an occasional chocolate while her hubby is flipping through TV channels.

She lives in New Port Richey with her husband and two dogs. She’s also a member of Florida Writer’s Association and Writer’s of Mass Distraction.

Musical Monday: It's 3 AM

Here I am up in the night with the puppy again, and I couldn't help but think of this song. I know it isn't a lady running through my head, but it is still 3 AM, or er, since I've already taken him outside and held him while he nibbled on me, it's now 3:24 AM. Close enough to love OAR. He's dozing in the kitchen. Time to post, turn off the lights, and try to sneak back to bed. Happy Monday morning.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



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True Story -- Tee Hee

Hey, my young Google Plus friends: This one's for you.

If you're still reading my blog, you may see yourselves. Love you, guys!

Dylan leaped for Tim's pass, but the football sailed over his head and into Mrs. Crowder's rose bushes. As the boys stared at the petals covering their football, Joyce, Tim's little sister chuckled. 

"Now you're in trouble!" She gave a wide grin which stretched all the way to her beautiful eyes.

"Mrs. Crowder will never know," Tim said. "We'll glue the petals back on the buds."

Dylan chuckled. "Tim! That's ridiculous. Didn't Mrs. Lansky teach you anything in APEX class? You can't glue petals back on flowers."

"Watch me," he said while running toward his house.

Dylan didn't mind Tim leaving him with Joyce. After all, she was the cutest girl in Chinese school, and he loved it when Mrs. Lansky had seated them together in APEX class. He grinned at Joyce, and then clambered through the bushes to snatch the football from its rose garden prison. To his left, Dylan spotted a beautiful blossom and picked it for Joyce.

"Here you go." Right as Dylan gave the rose to his girlfriend, Tim came charging back while clutching a bottle of super glue. 

"You have the petals?" He asked.

Dylan pointed to a patch on the ground and watched Tim squeeze tiny droplets onto the end of three petals. The blossoms easily slid into place as if never disturbed. "You were saying?" Tim said. 

"Ingenious." Dylan had to agree, the roses looked okay.

When Tim's back was turned, Joyce superglued three silky red petals to each other and then put a huge glob on the back of the stack.

So now you know why Tim is still holding the petals the first day of seventh grade.

Authors note: Dylan and Joyce are not boyfriend and girlfriend because fifth graders are much too young for that. Plus, Joyce is not the devious type, nor would her smart brother fall for this stunt. I just like to mess with them.  Are we good now?