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My humorous thoughts about life.

"My Humorous and Helpful Thoughts About Teaching / Educational Resources for Your Classroom / Music and Random Fun"

Thursday, February 20, 2014

A Harsh Beginning

The Blogging Lounge's most recent assignment is "Begins with," so here is a scene from the earliest moments in the life of a little girl.

The fetus swam in warm water while listening to the soft pattering
heartbeat. The smooth waves rocked the baby to sleep. In her quietness she moved her weight over the dangling cord which circled the child head to foot with its record breaking length. The baby's head spun as oxygen shut off from the umbilical cord. Within moments, the bath water disappeared into a black nothingness. The limp body restored air as the fetus revived consciousness, only to repeat the  pattern again. 

Unfortunately, oxygen loss was not the only problem for the fetus' developing head lodged against a hard hip bone. Yes, the baby would be born. She would face the world with a red heart shaped birthmark on her forehead and a red tint down her face. Furthermore, the constant loss of consciousness in the womb would lead to a propensity to faint easily.

Now, let's perk this post up a bit.

Joke: A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says "Aw, honey. You said you didn't want to have kids."

He responds "I know. Let's see them get in now."

Joke provided via


Masshole Mommy said...

LOL - funny,

Jo said...

Very touching and then funny as heck!

Binky said...

Most babies can be quite terrifying.

menopausal mama said...

Very scary to think of but LOVED the joke at the end!

Martha Jane Orlando said...

What an unexpected table turner! So enjoyed the read. :)

Brenda Stevens said...

i always find myself, after reading your posts clicking on FUNNY INTERESTING and COOL!!!!!!!

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Took me to two emotional extremes here :)

LA Botchar said...

I constantly worried about the cord being wrapped around my firstborn's neck when I was pregnant. but clearly, it is a very real threat.
thankfully, it all turned out well all 3 times -- although I often do wonder if they are brain damaged when I see the stuff they do!

I would like to child proof the house on this snow day!! :)

shelly said...

Poor baby!

mail4rosey said...

lol on the second half. My MIL might agree w/that one. :)

eastcoastlife said...

A friend's firstborn died due to the cord being wrapped round the baby's neck. I was so worried when I was pregnant with my son, thank God I had a safe pregnancy.

I was surprised to read the serious first half of your post because you usually post stories that crack me up. :)