#AtoZ X for eXpelling Gas

My son summed it best in eight grade when he said, "When I was in sixth grade and someone farted, it wasn't funny, but now it's hilarious!"

What is it about eXpelling gas, a normal function of the human body, that make so many chuckle? The average person farts ten times a day. That's average. Of course statistically, one could find a range of 287, so to be accurate, wouldn't we need to know the mode and median too? For example, although the mean is ten, maybe most
people only fart nine times per day; however, the day of the count, Rush Limbaugh farted 264 times. Would he be considered an outlier or did he mess up the whole dang curve?

Is there an Institute of Fartology? If so, who works there?

"My name is Dr. Jones, and I count farts for a living." I bet he's the life of the party! A real gas if you know what I mean.

Furthermore, do these statistics count dead guys? A friend who's an undertaker told me that dead people constantly eXpel gas; however, this gas doesn't just exit from below. It could sneak out of a joint causing a sudden flip of a wrist or foot twitch. I wonder, does cadaver gas smell better, worse, or the same as living farts? I'll have to ask my friend. It just goes to show, we still have a lot of research to do in this scientific field.

#AtoZ: W for Word Verification

Please don't ask me to copy letters I can't read or blurry numbers. Also, I don't want to solve math problems. It's about time Math solved it's own problems and admitted that X left and is never coming back. I'm referring to the infamous captcha that makes me want to leave your blog and never return.

I once used word verification, but at the request of a regular commenter, I took it down. Since then, I've enjoyed an increase in blog comments. I do NOT get spam from a lack of word verification. If you're worried about spam, enact comment approval.

That's a Q, not an O

I hope my blog is easy to comment on. If it moves slowly, I can provide fewer posts on the main page or further clean up the side pictures. Do the fish at the bottom need to go? Did you even know my blog has fish?

Thanks for catching my words!

                                  

#AtoZ: V for Very Special Blogs

I want to highlight three Very Special blogs that I visit regularly.

http://bethere2day.com is a fun place for online randomness. Steve, from London, posts funny jokes, stories, and cartoons regularly that always make me laugh. Please check him out.

I also visit Rhonda daily at http://www.laugh-quotes.com. Rhonda has traveled all over the world and entertains with amazing and humorous stories. She's worth a click.

Finally, Binky and friends make me laugh every Monday & Thursday. These adorable comics, complete with colorful artwork, give a peek into the world of wombats. Find him at: http://www.comics.wombania.com.

I couldn't get through the week without a laugh from these Very Special blogs! Therefore, I am presenting the Very Special Blog award to these bloggers. The rules are to give this award to 87 others and write 98 facts about yourself. Just kidding! You don't have to do anything, but I'd love to know that you saw this post.

#AtoZ: U Urban Dictionary

One can define kid speak with the help of Urban Dictionary. To tap into this wealth of information, just enter a word, and the definition pops up. 

For example, neathage is the opposite of cleavage. I didn't even know there was a word for a woman's boob hanging out from the bottom of her shirt.
  

Or an Introdouche is someone who introduces himself by bragging about useless accomplishments. You can also achieve introdouche status by introducing your girlfriend as a "friend."

 

Furthermore, spend some time with Urban Dictionary, and you'll find gazillion different types of boogers: phantom, bloody, leaf, runaway, happy, ten dollar, ingrown, bat, or cape––the list goes on and on. 

I'm not sure if my kids know all the definitions at Urban Dictionary, but they are upstanding citizens who would never wheez the juice or become illegal gymigrants.

So whether you want to achieve coolness or to understand what your son means when he asks you to text poon to his friend, check out Urban Dictionary.

#WW Meets #AtoZ: T Taunting Squirrels

"This squirrel is a huge jerk!"

Photo and caption by Judy Lansky

Musical Monday & #AtoZ Presents S: Saturday Night Live

Here's a favorite from a hometown hero. I saw Justin Timberlake perform at a gifted teachers' conference. He was not tall nor did he sing anything risque. The Justin I saw was a cute, little boy with a lot of talent. When he became famous, he found his gifted teacher a better job. I'm still waiting for my students to bail me out.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: Letter R - Rat Race

One of my favorite, funny movies is Rat Race. 

I dare you to watch this scene without laughing.

How about this scene?

Just a small sampling of the fun in Rat Race. 

Trust me, there are many more great scenes in this hilarious movie.

Also representing letter R is Rachel who got her license and took the car out for the first time. She visited Starbucks where she dropped her car keys in the toilet. Thanks to an automatic flush, the keys disappeared.

#AtoZ: Q for Q-tip Voo Doo Doll

My daughter had a horrible soccer coach who regularly caused her grief with his unfair coaching, so I got him. I grabbed some Q-tips and made a voodoo doll of Coach L. Although I didn't know magic chants, nor did the voodoo doll make his shoulder hurt, it brought a smile to my crying daughter.

Years later, I learned that this coach did not need me to give him Q-tip voodoo pain. He buried himself by getting fired over an illegal recruiting scam. 

Karma at its best!

P.S. Don't mess with my babies.     

                                 

#AtoZ: P is for Paddling

A Mississippi mother sued because her twelve-year-old son was paddled at school for disrespect. After sighting a small bruise on her poor baby's buttocks, she wanted justice for "child abuse." Here's a link: Mid South Mother Seeks Answers.

Lisa McDonald, the student's mother

If my child had gotten paddled for misbehavior, I'd be livid too . . .  at my kid. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a bible-toting-spare-the-rod southerner. In fact, I've raised three good kids without spanking any of them, butt (I mean but), if my child was so disrespectful that an adult had to hit him with a board, I wouldn't broadcast my poor parenting on the news.

Maybe someone needed to beat him. In fact, I bet his underpaid teacher was the abused person. Plus, the article never told exactly what the kid did. He could have taught a kid from a foreign country how to speak English. I've seen middle schoolers do that. 

"See the PE teacher. His name is Mr. Butt Face." 

Or maybe the juvenile delinquent blew up a toilet, spilled oil on the floor, or put stink bugs in the cafeteria. The shoddy news reporters left out the best part of the story. 

What do you think the kid did to get paddled in Mississippi?

#GBE2 & #AtoZ: The Big O

Letter O is for Orthography.  For those of you unfamiliar with the word, orthography means spelling. It's a big O because to spell incorrectly is to change meaning, if ewe no what eye mean?

I may not always know the correct spelling of a word, but I can tell when something is wrong. For example, one of my students wrote a story about a girl in a  

"SATAN dress."   
Muah, hah, hah.

I envisioned fiery red flames shooting from the character's waist while devowering everyone she ventures in contact with. Definitely not school appropriate as devil horns protrude from her evil skull. 

Nada.

The little girl's story involved cute little bunnies hopping around colorful egg-filled baskets. Could she have meant satin?

The big O also stands for Oh, no!

#AtoZ & #WW: N for Naughty Pictures

A real lady never shows all.

The "lady" below was pregnant at age one.