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My humorous thoughts about life.

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Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fat. Show all posts

Monday, April 21, 2014

#AtoZ: I'm Going to Be Sagging Soon!

It's been a long time coming, but I finally can see myself sagging. To really sag a lot, I must spend time around an abundance of food, such as cookies, crackers, fruits, and gels. Maybe, one day I'll sag more than anyone in town.

But I wish I didn't have to sag in the early morning hours. 

Whatever it takes to support Superman as he leads the training for the Century 100 Mile Ride, again. Did you think I was talking about my body sagging? Ha! I'd rather bike than sag, but the cars passing close on the road scare me enough to wet my pants. So I'll just sag.



Thursday, February 14, 2013

#GBE2: The Crowd

      
She munches a skinny sprig of celery and then sends it to her personal jacuzzi. 
Or perhaps, she'll pretend to enjoy an apple--a starter food that avoids the crowd as it churns to oblivion before it rains 
                              peanut butter crackers

                  The storm always comes. 

Still trying to stay healthy with a bit of protein, she searches for the perfect snack. 
But a healthy treat is not what she craves--
only a filler to stall a rising crowd in her acid pool

Chips
                                     Dips
Chocolate cookies
Ice cream
Soda pop
M&Ms

                       Doritos
                            Cheetos
                                     Oreos
Oh nos!


There's no turning back once "the crowd" sends her butt to the Lane Bryant store.




Sunday, July 24, 2011

#GBE2 Summer

This week's challenge is to write about summer or our favorite thing. What's the difference? Being a teacher, nothing's better than ten weeks of blessed summer vacation. I look at it like New Years as I resolve to accomplish tons over the summer months. Believe it or not, I am now entering my last week of vacation so here's a reflection of my goals and accomplishments: pfft!

(1) This summer I had planned to exercise, diet, and shed unwanted weight. Reality: I sat, ate, and gained a pound or two. Blame it on eating out and vacationing, especially since we traveled everywhere by car. I clocked a full week butt sitting in four wheeled vehicles. Sometimes driving, sometimes sleeping, sometimes stuck in traffic--especially in Birmingham. Once I got my act together with a running regiment, I got strep and couldn't swallow. Achaha! That's when I lost weight. At least I can now go back to work no fatter than I was before.

(2) I was going to clean my house. The first step was to vacuum dog hairs. I did. The next day, more dog hairs covered the rug. With three dogs (two of them goldens), vacuuming is as worthwhile as shoveling snow in a snow storm. So the house is still dirty, but what do you expect? I can barely wash my toes, you think I'd be washing windows? Plus there's a mysterious white substance raining into the corner of our porch. Future Wordless Wednesday Topic: Identify the Substance.

(3) Of course I was going to get my novel in shape and send out queries. I've made a little bit of progress on Mrs. Zimmerman's Donuts, sent one Bompsy query to an agent, and nothing in the magazine department. So I can still brag that I have the best book that's never been published. Even a friend of mine told me she couldn't sleep because she was so worried about poor Bompsy. She stayed up reading my manuscript late into the night . . . but the agents and editors don't want to hear that.

So basically summer's over and I've accomplished next to nothing, which means it was a darn good break. Since I told you what I didn't do, you'll have to listen to this video if you want to know what I did do during the last nine weeks.


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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Fast Food

Being hungry, I treated myself to a stop at Burger King and ordered a Whopper Meal instead of the Whopper Junior Meal. After I told the lady what I wanted, she asked, "Small, medium, or large?" She should have said, "Do you want large, humongous, or disgusting!" There is no such thing as small when it comes to American fast food.

1,010 Calories
As any carb counter knows, 45 carbs per meal is about what we should consume. Sixty is okay, any more than that is too much. My "small" Whopper Meal consisted of a Whopper, fries, and a Diet Coke. Whew! Thank God my Coke was diet.

As I check the Burger King website, I see that I consumed  . . . HOLY SH*T!! Calories: 1010! Fat: 57 grams! Carbohydrates: 95 freaking grams! Like that's two meals in one. Like that's an entire day's worth of calories. Like that's a heart attack. I don't feel too well.

Now mind you, this was the "small"meal. Had I supersized . . . 1110(med)/1210 (lg) calories; 62(med)/67 (lg) grams of fat; 107(med.)/120 (lg) grams of carbs! Why would anyone ever need to super size a fast food meal? And to think, Burger King is flame broiled. Other places might be worse.

Burp! It was good but after looking at the carbs, I think I'll need to give up this yummy pleasure. Today is our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I hope my husband isn't planning on taking me to Burger King.