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Thursday, January 2, 2014

I'm Going to be Rich!

Guess what? I got the exciting email below to tell me that some stranger is going to split Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars with me! How did I get so lucky? 





Hello!!!
From: Mr Durée kong (I wonder if he's related to King Kong. Must be! Why else would he have all this money to share?)
Dear: Friend,
I am Mr Durée kong, the Auditor General, Santander Bank, UK. In the course of my auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account, which was opened in 1990 at Abbey National Bank before it was bought over by Santander Group of which I am the auditor, belonging to a dead foreigner who died in 1999. (A dead Foreigner? Is that like in the rock band? I haven't heard any of their songs in a long time.) Every effort made to track any member of his family or next of kin has since failed; hence I got in contact with you to stand as his next of kin since you bear the same last name. He died leaving no heir or a will. (This sounds Urgent. Of course, he never said what that "last name" is. Oh, well.)




Get it? Urgent by Foreigner. I'm so clever.

My intention is to transfer this sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars in the aforementioned account to a safe account overseas. (or to go phishing) I am therefore proposing that you quietly partner with me and provide an account or set up a new one that will serve the purpose of receiving this fund. (Quietly partner? Heck no! If I'm going to get all this money, I want to shout it out to the world.) For your assistance in this venture, I am ready to part with a good percentage of the entire funds. We will share the funds in the proportion of 40% for you, 40% for me and 20% donated to Charitable Organizations. (Do I get to choose the charitable organizations? I think I want to give to the Asante Foundation so that poor African girls will not be traded for cows when their families get hungry. Honestly, it's a real concern. These girls are denied the chance to go to school.) After going through the deceased person's records and files, I discovered that:

(1) No one has operated this account since 1999 (or ever)
(2) He died without an heir; hence the money has been floating. (Which reminds me of another song.)
(3) No other person knows about this account and there was no known beneficiary. (Until I post this.)
If I do not remit this money urgently, it would be forfeited and subsequently converted to company's funds, which will benefit only the directors of my firm. (The fat guys in the suits get all the cash.)



This money can be approved to you illegally as with all the necessary documentary approvals in your name. However, you would be required to show some proof of claim, which I will provide you with and also guide you on how to make your applications. (Please provide your social security number and all other private information.)

Please do give me a reply so that I can send you detailed information on the modalities of my proposition. I completely trust you to keep this proposition absolutely confidential. (Here's your reply. &*^% NO! Why must I keep this confidential, King Kong?)

I look forward to your prompt response.

Best Regards,
Mr Durée kong

21 comments:

Jo said...

That's great news! I am so happy for you. Hurry respond, it's URGENT!
This sounds totally legit to me.

Masshole Mommy said...

Congratulations! I got an email like that recently that I found in my spam folder....imagine?

Theresa said...

Wow! What a windfall start the new year off right! Did you know that you and I are distant cousins twice removed, or something along those lines? Once you get some of that inheritance, help a cousin out?

Sandra Tyler said...

gosh and I thought I was the only special one who got such delightful spam:)

Angel Miller said...

I've got about twenty emails like that in my JUNK folder. I really need to get around to responding... I could use the money! ;)

Kim Turner said...

WOW - aren't you lucky?! I'm sure you jumped on sending all of your most personal information to some wack job because that sounds like the deal of the century!
HaHa!

Timothy Hecht said...

Congratulations! I can be a Designated Driver for the huge party you are going to throw. I did a pretty good job of that for the NSA New Year's Eve Party. Ask Billy.

Binky said...

It's sounds legit to me. And it's pretty much in actual English, which is a lot better than the ones I get. You need to act fast before someone else claims your money!

Stacee said...

Aren't those the best emails ever? Loved your humor in this and will never look at another one of these emails the same way.

Popping by on the Crafty Spices Follow Who Hop. Stacee from At the End of the Day...

boopnut said...

It reminds me of the commercials featuring such requests. I can't believe people fall prey to this!
Glad you can see the humor in it.
Deb

Abelle | The Wows! And Oops! Of Life said...

I get tons of those kinds of emails in our company's email address. Even the 'make your woman happy tonight' stuff. If they give me real money, then I'd be a happy woman tonight ;o)

Happy New Year, Joyce ;o)

Cascia Talbert said...

That is great! I love your attitude regarding the phishing e mail you received. I get them all the time and I always delete them.

Happy New Year!

mail4rosey said...

The best way to start off a new year is with an unexpected windfall, yes? :) I saw your daughter is going to be studying in Australia (lucky!!) this money could be a good excuse to get over there and visit. :)

Mimi B said...

I say you split you windfall with everyone commenting on here. Who knows, maybe one of us is the heir? I'm pretty sure I've gotten an email or 10 telling me of a rich family member who died and left me wads of money. =) Congrats on your windfall!

stevebethere said...

Congratulations! Joyce NOT LOL these idiots must think were stupid sadly a lot fall for it, but the way you put it across made me laugh and the videos slotted in between lmao.

Enjoy your windfall heheh!

Hilary said...

Oh man. I hate these scams. I was on the other end of one of these. The scammer got a hold of one of my companies checks and was using that as the payment to the "winners" it was SUCH a mess

Clairejustine oxox said...

Haha great post. You have made my morning, so funny :):)

shelly said...

LOL!

Rhonda Albom said...

Congratulations! what are you going to do with your new found wealth?

Joyce Lansky said...

Visit you in NZ, of course.

Terra H. said...

I know the feeling! According to the ton of emails I get a day like that I should be swimming in dough. If only...