#AtoZ : X - Stolen Innocence

B and I were in sixth grade and headed to the playground. On the way down the sidewalk, a man sitting on a stump asked for directions to Wilson School. Harmless enough.

Hot dogs

Next, the man mentioned how it was hot outside and wanted to know if we'd ever seen a man "do this" before. He unzipped his pants and pulled out something that looked like the end of a thick, uncooked hot dog without the ketchup, mustard, or even a bun.

While my friend stood gaping, I took off running. So, if a man ever asks me that question again, I will say, "Yes."

I bet you'll never look at hot dogs the same way again.

#AtoZ : The Wabbit from Warner Brothers

For W, I came close to writing a post about our former president because there is plenty of humor surrounding him; however, I chose not to upset half my reading population with my politics. So, here's a post about someone more intelligent: The Warner Brother's Wabbit.

Who does not know and love that wascally wabbit Bugs Bunny? Although I've always been one who likes to sleep in, Bugs was worth getting up early for on a Saturday morning. Not only do I love his cleverness in escaping Elmer Fudd, but his Bronx accent is the best! They just don't make cartoons like Bugs Bunny anymore. Just think of the greatness America could have achieved, or the horrors we could have avoided, if W was as smart as Bugs Bunny!

Enjoy.

If you haven't had enough, here's another good one–short too.

#AtoZ : Vacant

#AtoZ Meets #WW : wake Up!

U know sometimes U have to push it to write about a letter, but I've done worse. Here's to U.

Wake Up!

#AtoZ : Tattoos

My daughter and her friend got temporary tattoos.

I am thankful for two things: 

(1) My daughter Erica is the girl on the right–no offense Lisa, but you look freaky.

(2) These are TEMPORARY tattoos.

Although I've never had a real tattoo, I have decorated my body with some made from henna. These will last most people two weeks or so. Mine are usually shorter because after a week, I scrub my skin raw to make them fade.

Here's a collection of weird ones I copied from the internet. This would have made a good Wordless Wednesday post–darn it–but with the multitude of pictures, I can always hold out for "Tattoo Two" one day.

If I were bald, I would so have to do this. Teehee.

Prison Gang Tattoo

Kimberly requested three stars on her face then fell asleep and woke up to this.

Yeah. It's pretty bad miscommunication, but would you lend your face to the tatoo artist below? Duh!

#AtoZ : Shots

Last week, a fifth grader headed into class late. I asked him where he'd been, to which he said, "I got eleven-year-old shots."

I said, "Why'd you get such old shots?"

He said, "Huh?"

"Why'd they give you eleven-year-old shots? Why didn't they give you fresh medicine? Don't the drugs expire after eleven years?"

He caught on and had a good laugh, so I asked him if he cried when he got his old shots? He laughed again. Boys don't cry over shots, do they? I wish I could have been as brave when I was a child.

As a youngster–four, five, or maybe sixteen–I don't remember, the doctor told me I was going to get a shot. Naturally, I did what any chicken would do, I took off running out the door in my underwear. I had a string of nurses and various other folks chasing me through the halls. Finally, they caught me. Yes, kiddies, there's no escaping the shot once the doctor orders it.

Also, as a child, I once told the doctor he was nasty. What did he expect? The man asked me to take off my clothes. But that has nothing to do with those shots that were never worth the sucker.

When it comes to shots, there's only one kind I like.

White Russian: shot vodka, shot kahlua, and milk

#AtoZ : Running in Place

At my school, us teachers are involved in a step counting competition. We each wear a step counter all day every day and try to up our mileage by running in place or any other something we can do. Although my team's current position is pathetic, we keep trying.

What's been especially fun is the multitude of junior personal trainers I've found sitting in my classes. On Tuesday, a group of boys at recess said, "Come on Ms. Lansky, run in place."

I said, "I will if you will."

They gave their okay and easily ran in place while playing four square at the same time. Never, ever, challenge a kid in a fitness contest. You will lose every time!

Last Friday was also fun as I headed around the playground with a small group of fourth graders. We sang walking in Memphis. What else would we sing in this city?

Too bad my step counter keeps turning off or not counting steps sometimes. It hasn't worked as well since I dropped it in the toilet.

Wordless Wednesday : Q

Not knowing what to write about for the letter Q, I did research at Urban Dictionary. Here's what the letter Q means.

Q - fact "Q" is the only letter that does not appear in any of the names of the 50 states in America.

This is great information. I'm grateful that someone took the time to discover this!

Q - an O with a fancy tail So does that make T an I with a fancy hat? Or maybe L is an I with a swollen toe? E must be an old F. You know–the way one gets when body parts droop? Q - The bald, old scientist in the James Bond movies who always had the coolest inventions but none of the girls. Having never been one to watch James Bond, I'll have to take this one as fact since it comes from a reliable source. Q - A hi-tech nerd with no game. Doesn't hi-tech nerd mean someone who plays lots of lame games?   Q - Powerful foe from Star Trek.    So that's what they call that dude. Q - Cool, Hip, Fly I'm so glad to become educated from Urban Dictionary. I had no idea, but now... Are you ready?   Wait for it. Here goes. I raised my IQ.

#AtoZ : Playing With Barbie Dolls

My son used to play with Barbie dolls.

His sisters would leave their dolls in the bath tub, so he'd grab them around the waste. Next, Daniel would swing them through the air while making airplane noises and crash their heads into the wall.

My son used to play with Barbie dolls.

#Wordless Wednesday Meets #AtoZ : "Oh, no!"

Here's why I don't automatically kiss boo boos:

Judy and me - 1991

My little girl darted to me while crying, "My Finger." 

Without question, I kissed it--to which she said, "I pee peed on my finger."

#AtoZ: Names

"I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up." ~Benjamin Franklin

My name wasn't in the paper, so I survived after the "M" post. Are you ready for N? 

When it comes to "Names," I've had a few. Growing up as the youngest of four children, my mother called me, "Ed, I mean Bar, I mean Be, I mean Joyce!" Good thing the dog's name didn't come before mine. 

Then there was dinner time when I wanted to know my Hebrew name. My parents might have given me one at birth but couldn't remember it multi-years later, so my brother told me my name was, "Boris." 

"No! What is my Hebrew name?" I'd ask.

He repeated, "Boris!"

Finally, I got married and had to know my Hebrew name. As it turns out, I don't actually have one because my name is Yiddish. "Sheindel." At least it's better than Boris.

"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."  ~Erma Bombeck

#AtoZ : Melting

I grew up in a Reform Jewish family in a secular community of St. Louis, yet someone near and dear to me has made the shift to Orthodoxy. During his transition to the religious life style, I flew into an airport on a Friday night, which is our Sabbath. He who shall not be named drove his car to the airport and picked me up. When we reached our destination, an ice cream cake was waiting for the birthday boy who had just driven a car. He refused to blow out the candles on his cake because it was the Sabbath, so we watched the cake melt all over the table.

 

To make matters worse, I'm posting about this on a Saturday, our Sabbath. If you don't see my post on Monday, you can assume God struck me dead from  a bolt of lightning.

I close with a re-post of one of my faves.