Gone With A Handsomer Man - Review

I hit the jackpot when I won Gone With a Handsomer Man by Michael Lee West from http://www.beckypovich.blogspot.com/. This delightful new release tells the story of Teeny Templeton, a young woman in a lot of trouble. When her x-fiance´ is murdered, she finds herself set up as the prime suspect, so she turns to an old high school boyfriend turned lawyer, but the flame's not out. The book is complete with well-developed characters, a multi-layered plot, and the charm of cooking in Charleston.




You may learn about author Michael Lee West at http://www.michaelleewest.com/content/index.asp or check out her book trailer below.

 

Paul Revere and Other Myths

Our Next President?

I recently had a story published in AppleSeeds Magazine about Paul Revere's ride. According to Sarah Palin, I got my facts all wrong. Paul Revere rode up and down the streets ringing a bell to warn the British that we were going to lock and load. What's even more amazing is that I actually met someone who tried to convince me that Palin was right! If that's the case, we can change all kinds of historical events to meet our needs. Hmm.

Did you know that our fore fathers started the electoral college not because they believed the commoner wasn't smart enough to vote but because starting a college would get them more prestige, better paying jobs, and noticed by the ladies? That's right. Unknown to the public, the electoral college is actually a place of higher learning. Where else would folks learn how to make those powdered wigs?

And the crimes of taking over land from the Indians is all a myth too. They gave it to us because they liked how we taught them how to hunt, fish, and pop popcorn. We even showed them how to add sugar, salt, and preservatives to make this healthy food stick to ones insides and make one fat. Next, Indians enjoyed pilgrim led aerobics instruction.

 We were also overly kind to our Japanese citizens during World War II. We sent them off to fine spas where they got to enjoy saunas, steam rooms, and sushi. Then we taught them how to play soccer, a sport that originated in the United States, so they could all become brilliant soccer moms like Sarah Palin.

So remember, vote Sarah Palin for President. Humor bloggers need her stupidity to keep the jokes coming. If you want more laughs, here's a link to Steve Colbert's incredibly funny clip. http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/388583/june-06-2011/paul-revere-s-famous-ride



If you like Catch My Words, please click on the white picket fence or the snippet. Thanks!

Our Wedding Hop

It's been a lot of months since my husband's friend entered into a second marriage, a year since our son's friend tied the knot, and another year before that, we had attended my nephew's wedding. Being the social outcasts that we are, people aren't banging down our doors to spend time with us. However, something odd happened on Memorial Day Week-end: two of our good friends' daughters got married on the same night, starting at the exact same time, and we successfully attended both weddings!

Knowing that one ceremony would be conducted in the most judicial of manners without much foofaraw, we attended that one first. The bridal party stepped about ten feet into a beautiful, plant filled room, and said your basic English vows--without the word obey. Somehow that important word for grooms has slipped out of the current vernacular. The groom said, "Ouch!" when his beloved slipped the ring on his finger, and she didn't even slap him. My husband thinks she hurt him with the ring, but I took it as him making fun of his new state of holy matrimony. According to Papa-In-Law it was a little of both. He'd burned his knuckle the other day but also has a great sense of humor.

After the vows were complete, we hopped in the convertible and drove a few blocks to the Botanical Garden where the 5:30 wedding had not even begun. We arrived in time to sample a few amazing appetizers, then watched men in black hats dance the groom to the bride so that he could lift her veil and make sure he was marrying the right sister. However, with the bride being a triplet, I have never been able to tell her from her sister anyway. Hopefully, he married the right gal.

The beautiful wedding included a long walk, maybe half a football field, through an outdoor area and Jewish customs such as the bride circling the groom seven times, chanting Hebrew verses, and a smash of a glass. The marriage was conducted by the groom's Orthodox Rabbi father who lives in Israel; however, the groom does not practice Judaism to the degree of his family.

After the vows were exchanged, we hopped back in the car and headed to the first wedding. We enjoyed visiting with a fun crowd and eating fried sweet potatoes; however, I didn't have any of the bacon-wrapped shrimp that I couldn't have gotten at the other wedding. The music was upbeat with Cee Lo, Sweet Home Alabama, and YMCA.  In fact, one dude walked around with an afro wig while the DJ had the folks on the dance floor wearing Village People Hats. The party was a lot of fun, but the other wedding would be serving dinner at 9:30, so we hopped back into the car and off we went.

We arrived to a New York band playing cultural music while people danced on two sides of a wall: men on one side and women on the other. The waiters served a wonderful trout dinner, and then the wall came down. The religious folks left the room while men and women danced together to rock hits. This was the compromise the groom had agreed upon with his family. Amazing!

Needless to say, we had a lot of fun and only missed two notable events: seeing our friend's weird solo dance and the second couple hoisted in the chairs to the tune of the Hora.

If you like my post, please click the white picket fence or the snippet.

Lost and Found #GBE2

#3 = Lost and Found

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, perhaps in the year 15 BC (before children), my mind started to gradually slip away. It wasn't anything dramatic like space aliens ringing the doorbell and asking for brain samples, but rather a slow deterioration of sanity.

Maybe it started in middle school when the dorks teased me for wearing my sister's powder blue, handi-me-down gym uniform instead of the sexy red ones on sale at school. With the red garbs, one could  turn them around backwards and slide the zipper down low. Ms. "McFeel," the questionable PE teacher didn't seem to mind as long as we wore a PE uniform and took our showers after class. If not the uniforms, perhaps the brain drain came when I was brave stupid enough to get on stage in a flapper outfit and dance the Charleston with Steve Noonan in front of the laughing student body.

"What was everyone laughing at?" I later asked a friend.

"Your costumes," she said.

Yeah, right! I was almost naive enough to buy it. Junior High School definitely chipped a good 10% of mind out of my clueless head.

High school must have taken some more. Shortly after my sixteenth birthday, I got my driver's license and proudly drove into the car next to me in a snowy parking lot. Okay, I wasn't proud of hitting the car (multiple times when the honkers made me panic), but I was proud of the first time being alone in the car, until . . .

Being a mindless teen, I stuck a note about the size of a bobby pin on the damaged car's windshield wiper and crawled home to tell my dad. He took it well. In fact, he took it a lot better than the lady I hit. For the next year, my parents begged and pleaded me to take the car out alone, but by then about 20% of mind went missing, so no can do. I've only been in one other mild fender bender in over thirty years of driving daily, so maybe I found five percent between then and now.

College took more due to a little bit of drinking at parties. Alcohol has been scientifically proven to kill brain cells, so go ahead and remove the five percent I'd found plus 5% more and now I'm down to 75% sanity. Until my boyfriend said, "Will you marry me and live in Memphis?"

Marrying him was actually a fabulous idea, but I question my mental state when I said,"Yes to Memphis." If that ain't love, I don't know what is. Take away another 5% for moving to Memphis and becoming a teacher. A teacher? Did I say, "5%?" Better make that 5% for moving to Memphis and 25% for becoming a teacher. What am I down to now? 45%? Being able to do basic math means I have a little bit of mind left add 5%, but then I got pregnant. Three times. Three children.

Some comedian, can't remember who, once said we lose half of our minds with each child born. That would put me far into the negative category. Just because I scratched my head and hopped like a monkey to get my babies to smile does not mean I've lost my mind? I mean, doesn't everyone do that?

Since this challenge is called "Lost and Found," I must end with the story about how I got it all back. We put the baby on a bus this morning and sent her off to be a camp counselor for the summer. The middle one comes home in five days and stays for a few weeks, but come fall we will be official empty nesters. If that doesn't restore my mind, nothing will!



If you like my post, please click the white picket fence or the snippet. Thanks!

A to Z and Back Again

It's already June, which means the Z to A Challenge has ended. A month ago, I reflected on the A to Z Challenge, and now I must reflect again. On the plus side, it's been wonderful having a theme to guided me through the blogging world--the hardest part about blogging is knowing what to write about. A-Z and Z-A has made topic choosing easier.

I have also become an expert at choosing titles to fit the given letter. For example, "From Cage to Convertible" a letter C story about adopting a dog; "Nah, I Won't Do That," an N post to fit the "Laughter is the Best Medicine Blogfest"; or "Oh, No. Not Again" my O post about an annoying Russian dating group who Skypes me. Although these topics have nothing to do with the letter they represent, I've found a way to make it work just like one closes an overfilled suitcase. You sit your tush down and make it happen.

Also through this challenge, I've had the opportunity to visit wonderful blogs and meet great followers. I've also met one foul-mouthed screwball, but that's another story. ;-)

On the negative side, everyday blogging is not necessary. Most people don't make rounds everyday, so why write so much? In fact, my Saturday posts received the most hits because folks had two days to explore. I would like to continue blogging regularly, but leave a new post up every other day.

I hope y'all will continue to visit even though the challenges are finished. Seems like just yesterday, it was April 1st and I was interviewing Agent Harold Baer for my first A to Z post. If you haven't read that one, it's one of my most popular posts. It's especially helpful for you writer types, like me, who are trying to get published. He's a wonderfully unique agent! Check him out.

If I could get you to read any post from April or May, I would like for you to read B for Backing Israel because there are a lot of facts I'd like the world to know about this fragile situation.

Thanks!
Joyce

Wordless Wednesday

Animal Abuse?

This is what our daughter does to our poor dog!

Definitely Dog Abuse

Acrostic Success

With the GBE 2 Blogging Challenge, I've been asked to blog about what success means to me; however, I still need to post my post for the letter A -- so here it is, an Acrostic poem all about success. Aren't you impressed?

S = Sliding out of bed in time to get to work in the morning (when it's not summer vacation).

U = Under arm deodorant that works all day long.

C =  Coughing or sneezing without throwing out the back or losing body fluids.

C = Catching crap without slugging the person giving it to you.

E = Eating without dripping on the shirt or choking.

S = Safely walking in heels.

S = Stating what success means by coming up with something to meet each letter in the word "Success!"

Can't wait for the next challenge. Thanks to Elizabeth Grace at Word Nerd. Come join us http://www.word-nerd-speaks.com/2011/05/gbe-2-blog-on-week-2-topic-success.html

Also, if you have not read my previous post, "Backing Israel," please read because it is important that everyone is well informed of the situation in the middle east.

Backing Israel

With Barack Obama's recent request for Israel to return land acquired from the 1967 war to the Palestinians, Israel has been victim to much undeserved scrutiny. First off, let's look at why giving up the 1967 borders would not be in the best interest of Israel nor the United States.

Beautiful area outside of Haifa

In 1967, approximately 465,000 troops from Egypt, Syria, and Jordan prepared to destroy Israel with a massive attack. Israel fought a vicious battle through preliminary air strikes that took out troops from above. The Israelis won this war, in which they were strongly outnumbered, in just six days. According to Wikipedia, "Opinions vary on whether this was an act of aggression or a preemptive strike." Good grief!

Why would any nation attack three countries when so outnumbered if it weren't for self-preservation? Plus, the opposition had outwardly said that they wanted to enter into a battle of annihilation. Since Israel's formation in 1948, she has repeatedly tried to negotiate peace with her neighbors and fought for the right to exist. So don't even think of saying Israel was not trying to save herself in 1967.

Through the 1967 war, Israel acquired the West Bank and East Jerusalem from Jordan, the Golan Heights from Syria, and the Gaza strip and Sinai Peninsula from Egypt. Obama wants Israel to give this up? We acquired Texas from a battle with Mexico. Should we have to give up Texas too? At least if we did give up Texas, the very existence of the United States would not be in jeopardy.

Jerusalem

As Benjamin Netanyahu said when he addressed our congress, he is willing to make painful compromises in the name of peace, but Jerusalem must never again be divided. Only when controlled by the Jewish state has Jerusalem been open to world tourism. Being a most significant area, it is important that Christians, Jews, and Muslims from all over the world be able to come visit this place of religious significance. When Jordan controlled this area, no one was allowed to visit. He went on further to say that the Palestinians need a homeland and he recognizes this, but they refuse to recognize the right of Jews to have a homeland too.

Although it's been almost a week since Netanyahu addressed congress, I have yet to hear a Palestinian leader come forward and state that Israel has a right to exist. Now stop and think about this for a moment. All the Palestinians have to do is acknowledge Israel's right to exist, and they will receive land and peace, and they have not done this? In light of this fact, many people are saying that the problems in the middle east are all Israel's fault. How can Israel expect to give up land to people who refuse to acknowledge their right to exist? What would giving up land accomplish in the name of peace, when the Palestinians refuse to recognize Israel? Would giving up land change anything when the Palestinian leaders refuse to say six words? Israel has given and given to the Palestinian people and nothing has changed. Remember the news reports that showed films of the Israeli soldiers dragging it's own people out of their homes so Palestinians could move in? These folks were crying and screaming when removed from their homes, but it was all in vein.

As for giving up the Golan Heights to an enemy, this would be suicide! Back before the six day war, Syria used the Golan Heights, with an average altitude of 3,300 feet, to cascade missiles down on Israeli citizens. If one stands at the top of this area, all of Israel is in view. If someone stated that you do not have the rights to exist, would you give them the mountainous land that overlooks your nation? I don't think so.

Another point, is the Jewish settlers who live in regions acquired from the six day war. To give up this land would mean uprooting approximately 250,000 people from their homes simply because they are Jewish. We have a word for this: ethnic cleansing!

Beach at Eilat

Although Palestinians lived in land that was captured during the six day war, they have not been forced out of their homes. In fact, Israel has bent over backwards trying to allow them a normal lifestyle after their land was acquired by a new government. The only changes were that Israel required that school text books be purged of anti-Semitic language and anti-Israel wordings. Israel provided economic assistance and allowed these areas more rights than what they had under Arab rule. The people were allowed free travel to Jordan, and during the elections women and non-property owners were given the right to vote for the first time ever. Furthermore, Arabs were allowed to choose whether they wanted to be citizens of Jordan or Israel. If they chose Israel, they were recognized as citizens and given the right to seek representation in the Knesset.

I've also heard United States citizens complain about the money that the United States has given in support of Israel. The reality, this is just a pittance in comparison to what it would cost our nation if Israel did not exist. As the only democracy in the middle east, Israel has patrolled the area, so that we don't have to. The cost of placing our troops in the middle east and making sure these nations do not attack us, would be astronomical!

Furthermore, our friendship with Israel has improved many of our military weapons. We send our weapons to Israel, their scientists improve their construction, and they send them back to us. This alone is worth millions.

campus at Haifa University

As for Israel being a democracy, they most certainly are, but not to their advantage in some respects. If you think the fighting in our congress is bad, check out Israel's. Although we have multiple parties in our nation, only two have any real say in the running of our country. This is not the case in Israel. They have multiple parties represented in their Knesset. Citizens do not vote for the person but rather the party. As long as a party gets a vote of two percent of the population, they may acquire representation in the Knesset political assembly; therefore, multiple parties of varying platforms are all represented in their house. In fact, there are several people serving in the Knesset whose platform is the destruction of Israel! Israel allows these people to have a say too. Could you imagine electing someone to congress who has strongly stated that they want to destroy the United States? That's what Israel does in their true democracy!

Finally, much of the news toward Israel has been slanted against them. I even wonder what exactly Obama did say as opposed to what the media claims he said. After he made his damaging comments, he addressed APAIC, an Israeli pro-lobby organization that met in DC, and received a standing ovation. Why would APAIC applaud Obama if he made awful claims against Israel? I have to wonder.

My daughter is just now finishing up a semester abroad at the University of Haifa. Enclosed are a few photos that I have stolen from her blog. If you'd like to see more beautiful pictures and read about her experiences, you may visit her at http://ahavahfromisrael.tumblr.com

From Cage to Convertable

Honey Bear

We just added a new member to our family, Honey Bear. No, we didn't name her that, but I believe she knows her name, so we may be stuck with it. We've only had her a few hours and we've already fallen in love. She's a friendly, lovable golden retriever who gets along well with our other dogs and loves riding with the top down in our convertible.

Three-year-old Honey Bear was given up by her family when a new baby entered the home and they couldn't take care of her. As my daughter and I walked through the shelter, we spotted walls and walls of other dogs in tiny jail cells. These unwanted dogs weren't lucky enough to have a new home to go to. Some barked while others slept, but they all looked like they wanted out. When the employee let Honey Bear out of her cell, she went nuts. She darted laps around the outdoor area while wagging her feathered tail.

Honey Bear

I wish we could have taken the whole lot of them. It breaks my heart to see so many dogs that no one wants, but this is not the only prison for the homeless. In our search for Honey Bear, we visited the Memphis Humane Society. Many of those dogs are free to anyone who will have them due to an angel grant.

Millie

Three years ago we adopted Millie, a terrier mix, who has been so grateful to have a home. These rescue dogs are even sweeter than other dogs because somehow they know what their new owners have done for them. So why not? Go out to your nearest pound and bring home a friend. A furry friend is waiting for you.

near "DEATH" experience

I almost died at the age of seven. Sure, we all use the expression "almost died" or "could have died," but this was no joke. It all started when my sister took me to the grounds of Concordia Seminary where she helped me perfect my bike riding skills by having me circle the parking lot. Once I got good at it, she encouraged me to ride down the hill toward the street.

1960s Schwinn

This wouldn't have been a problem for most kids, you just put your feet on the pedals and coast your way down; however, I didn't have the concept of coasting. With full pedal pushing strength, I flew down that hill. I enjoyed the wind in my face and the thrill of the fast ride until I neared the bottom and spied a car headed straight at me.

In a panic, I pumped the break with no luck because at such a fast speed, one does not stop easily. Now here comes the weird part: right as I was set to plow head first into the car, someone grabbed the handlebars of my bike and moved me out of the way. No one was there.

So you're probably thinking I'm nuts, insane, crazy, or just plain coo coo, but I swear, someone pulled my bike out of the way of that car. No doubt about it. My bike moved to the left, and I crashed into a grassy hill, which gave me two bloody knees. That was no big deal since I rarely saw knee skin throughout my entire childhood anyway.

My sister told me how brilliant I was for turning the wheel of the bike. I didn't turn the wheel. I'm not sure who did. Maybe it was an angel, or a relative who was never more or not yet. No telling about that, but one thing's for sure: I was not meant to die at age seven.

Ear Infection

Can you hear me now?

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this. Maybe it has to do with me riding around with the top down on my convertible. A piece of debris must have flown inside the ear canal and voila. Or perhaps I got dirty water in my ear from swimming, except I haven't swum in months. Whatever I did, my left ear was infected big time and a sticky white substance that alien visitors would be most interested in dripped down the side of my neck. I was up all night with throbbing pain and couldn't hear a lick out of the left side. I probably couldn't hear a scratch, blink, or tail wag either. I mean, who listens to licks anyway?

Before the throbbing came itching and clogging. My doctor put me on a Z-pack; but it didn't work, so a needle hacked into a private part of my anatomy. My hip hurt almost as much as the ear. In fact, I was in so much pain that I went to the pharmacist in the medical building because I didn't think I could stand the wait of driving to Walgreens.

The pharmacist put the pack just out of my reach while typing in my information. He had the prescription, he had my address, he had the credit card, so why couldn't he let me have one little drop of relief? I asked him with a pleasant please, and he said, "No!"

After staring at the pack a little longer, I lost it. Tears of pain shout out of my eyes and I said something I regret. Mind you, people who have been up all night and in pain are about as much fun as a funeral. The nasty women behind the counter showed no sympathy. She and her bullies yelled at me and told me all about people in pain with broken arms and what not. Plus a lady threatened not to give me my meds at all. A little compassion to a hurting, cranky person could have worked miracles.

I finally ended up at the ENT just in time to prevent a trip to the emergency room. He dug crud out of my ear while I cut off circulation to a kindly nurse's fingers. I then received adult pain meds, antibiotic drops, and pills. $250 later, I was cured. I hope you never experience the pain of an ear infection . . . unless you're the pharmacist at St. Francis Hospital.

:o - Did I really write that?