#AtoZ: M - Musical Monday

Here's a song for all manly men.

Now that you're done laughing, here's one of my favorite M songs, which I first heard after being dragged to my sister's high school band concert. It was love at first hear. I can see why In the Mood by Glenn Miller topped the charts in 1940.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.


PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: L is For Lansky

I married a Lansky–Mitchell Lansky–and today is his birthday; however, I decided I should write with caution or next year I could be advertising a new wife for him. Besides, his grandfather's name was Meyer. When in college, a professor asked Mitchell if he was related to Meyer Lansky, the infamous gangster of Mafia fame. Mitchell said, "Do you want to make something of it?" This shut the professor up.

Of course, Meyer was the grandfather on his mother's side, who was not the infamous Meyer Lansky. As far as I know, there is no relation.

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband who puts up with me!

#AtoZ: K - Kids And A Lockdown - Not Funny

I failed the lockdown at school last week. This drill is meant to teach us what to do if a gunman enters the building. While I flushed a toilet, someone said, "Lockdown," over the intercom. All doors slammed shut and locked to keep intruders out. Of course, I didn't hear the announcement and wandered carefree down the quiet hall. When I saw my administrator, I said, "Oh. I see you changed shoes," because earlier that day, she wore adorable, yellow duck shoes for the rainy bus duty.

She said, "You know we're in a lockdown?"

I said, "No."

Next, I tore down the hall looking for a place to hide. Finally, I knocked on the nurse's door. Allison wondered if this was a test, but opened anyway and let me in. We had a delightful visit while waiting for the drill to end.

After the lockdown, several staff members and I chatted in the office. My administrator asked what I did. When I told her, she said, "You are casualty number one, and Allison is casualty number two." Then she spilled out the gruesome truth about school shootings. Apparently, crazies will grab a kid and have him or her knock on doors.  

"Let me in! Let me in!" 

It is our job to ignore the frightened child in order to save the class. How does one ignore a scared voice? Dear God, I pray I am never in that situation.

#AtoZ: J - Jewish Holidays

Here's my Reader's Digest breakdown of Jewish holidays.

Shabbat - We survived week without being killed. Let's eat.

Sukkot - Egyptians tried to kill us. We wandered in desert for forty years. We survived. Let's eat in cute, little huts in our backyards.

Simchat Torah - We finished reading stories about people trying to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Chanukah - Assyrians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Purim - Persians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat.

Passover - Egyptians tried to kill us. We survived. Let's eat tasteless food that causes gas.

Rosh Hashona - We survived year without being killed. Let's eat.

Yom Kippur - We've committed sins, such as gluttony. We won't eat all day. Let's eat at sundown.

There are a multitude of days that are 

too horrible to joke about or even to eat, 

but we will always remember.

#AtoZ: Irwin

My husband's middle name is Irwin. I figure that's funny enough for me to stop writing here, especially since the name means "boar friend." And, he was born in the year of the "Boar." To make matters even better, he doesn't eat pork!

At least my husband has a middle name and a first name too. I know folks who don't even have that, only initials for names.

Although my dad had a first name, his parents had never given him a middle name, so my sibs and I named him Norton. Norton is ranked on the popularity chart with three baby Norton's recently entering the world . . . which is more than I can say for little Irwins.

☻

There are worse names than Irwin. You could be named:

Dog Breath

Moon Unit

Dweezle

or

Shithead (pronounciation sha - thee - ad)

Wordless Wednesday: H for Honey Bear

Enough Honey Bear!

#AtoZ Meets Musical Monday: Letter G

I heard it through the Grapevine.

Come join Music Monday and share your songs with us. Rules are simple. Leave ONLY the ACTUAL LINK POST here and grab the code below and place it at your blog entry. You can grab this code at LadyJava's Lounge Please note these links are STRICTLY for Music Monday participants only. All others will be deleted without prejudice.



PS: Because of spamming purposes, the linky will be closed on Thursday of each week at midnight, Malaysian Time. Thank you!

#AtoZ: F - Favorite Son

 

Happy birthday to Daniel, my favorite son.

Listen up, ladies. Have I got the guy for you. He's smart, good looking, and single. Since today is my son's twenty-fifth birthday, it's time to find him a wife. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a pathetic loser who's short on women, he has plenty of dates. They just aren't my type.   

Daniel likes Barbie dolls--beautiful, blonde, high-healed women who are definitely not kosher. I think this obsession with Barbies started in preschool when he played with his sisters' dolls in the bathtub. He'd grab them by the waist and fly them through the air while making airplane noises. In the end, the poor Barbies would crash into the wall and maybe lose their empty heads. Don't worry, ladies. He's always a gentleman with living women.

Anyway, my son needs a nice Jewish girl with a kind heart, intelligence, and an excellent sense of humor. She'd have to have one to fit into our family. Plus, liberal wouldn't hurt! Send me your resume, that is if I'm still alive after posting letter F, which also stands for Mom FAIL.

I think this kid just might have my sense of humor too. Plus, he has...

Strong muscles,

a winning smile,

and a big brain.

  

                         

                    Dating Fun Ken Doll By Mattel (Google Affiliate Ad)

#AtoZ : E - Engineers The Dam Kind

There are a lot of great fields to study, but it would be best to be a dam engineer. Dam people earn a lot of money for dam jobs. Plus, dam engineers gain respect for dam work. I bet they even get dam awards. 

Furthermore, dam engineers will help you with your dam property or will construct a dam, unlike others who won't give a dam. Just ask dam scientists for help, and they will draw a dam plan. Plus, they care about dam safety enough to form dam societies. Did you know there are societies for the dam British and the dam Americans?

Unfortunately, sometimes dam construction can interfere with people's lives due to dam flaws; however, I'm sure dam engineers will successfully fix dam problems.

#AtoZ: D - Driving Prank

Watch this hysterical video!

       
                                          

#AtoZ: C - Campus Book Rental & College Joke

Having put two kids through college and a third currently away, rising school costs are akin to sticking a vacuum hose into a wallet and sucking money out. As a result, I'm always looking for ways to make and save money. Voila! Here is an idea for the student studying french or event management, like my kid.

CampusBookRentals.com provides students with the opportunity to save 40-90% off book store prices. They provide free shipping, both ways, allow kids to highlight in books, are flexible about renting periods, and donate to Operation Smile. You can learn more about CampusBookRentals.com by clicking the video below. 

Also, check out their rent back program. This new initiative allows students to rent back books they own. A kid could earn two to four times more money than what they'd make through other buyout options.

                                           

                                             

Finally, here's a college joke in keeping with the spirit of my humor blog:

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." 

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."